Takes

Alex Guerrero is the head of a Tom Brady cult

[Alex Guerrero] is basically Tom Brady's cult leader. Tom Brady has a cult that he is the head of, but the real head of his cult is this quack. And so the only member of the cult is also Tom Brady.

Tom Brady hates your fantasy team and intentionally performs poorly during the playoffs

Tom Brady has a very suspiciously poor performance in games that are right in the smack dab middle of fantasy football playoffs... So he hates your fantasy team. Tom Brady hates your fantasy team. It actually, it would not shock me if this was a New England Patriots strategy to do nothing but just fuck with people that play fantasy football.

Tom Brady looks down on every NFL player who gets injured because he thinks his body is elastic

Tom Brady was talking about how his trainer has taught him how to not get injured ever. And so Tom Brady looks down on everyone that gets injured because he knows... when he gets hit, he thinks immediately when the helmet hits him to extend his body and to make his body more elastic. And that way, when he lands on the ground, he actually doesn't get hurt because he thinks all these things when he gets hit from the blind side.