PMT DB
PMT DB
Joe Fagnano was barely allowed to play quarterback, the Jaguars turned Baltimore into a rain-soaked crime scene, and Pardon My Take made the mature decision to stop watching Thursday Night Football before it got even worse. That set the tone for a Week 9 preview packed with backup quarterbacks, dangerous dogs, a live golf funeral, and the most ambitious studio urinal proposal in podcast history.
The Joe Fagnano Appreciation Game
Big Cat and PFT had already accepted that the Ravens were not coming back, but their sympathy was directed almost entirely toward Joe Fagnano, who was being treated like a ceremonial guest at his own NFL debut. Amazon burned through his family footage early because, as PFT put it, there might never be another opportunity to use it. Big Cat, meanwhile, laddered Fagnano's passing yards because “what if he throws a screen pass to Derrick Henry?”
The Jaguars were the only team on the field that looked like it knew what was happening. Big Cat called them Super Bowl contenders, while PFT gave Trevor Lawrence the kind of full-system reboot endorsement usually reserved for a quarterback who has just discovered the forward pass.
Big CatThe Jaguars are Super Bowl contenders
I think the Jags are a Super Bowl contender easily. There's no question about it. I think it's because of Liam Coen for sure.
Liam Coen also received a top-five coach coronation, with Big Cat crediting him for finally getting Lawrence to stop thinking and start ripping it. The only criticism of Jacksonville was that Coen might be getting too skinny, which somehow became a serious discussion about tucking his ears into his hat.
The Vikings provided the other quarterback emergency. Kyler Murray was hurt, Carson Wentz was back, and PFT briefly tried to sell everyone on the idea that Wentz could still be good. Big Cat made the obvious, completely normal conclusion:
Big CatCarson Wentz is better than Kyler Murray
Carson Wentz—I'll say this. Carson Wentz is better than Kyler Murray.
Week 9 Has No Main Event
The slate lacked a clean marquee matchup, so the show built its entertainment around quarterback roulette. Joe Milton became Bazooka Joe, Max started talking himself into the Eagles' emergency starter, and Big Cat announced that he would be laddering Milton's passing yards. PFT's argument was simple: Milton may throw two balls that can be picked off, but he will also throw two that are “bigger than your two balls.”
The Bryce Young contract conversation was the purest example of NFL front-office brain poisoning. Everyone kept saying the Panthers had to extend him because quarterbacks do not grow on trees, even though the phrase “he's not the worst” should probably trigger an immediate pause before guaranteeing a quarterback nine figures.
Big Cat eventually landed on a broader rule: the expensive quarterback in the mushy middle can be worse than starting over.
Big CatPaying a 14-to-20th-best quarterback long term is worse than starting over
Having a guy who's like a 10 to 15 best quarterback and giving him a significant amount of money is maybe worse. ... 14 to 20, you give that guy a guaranteed long-term contract. That's way worse than just being like, you know what, we'll just keep going to the roulette wheel on the quarterbacks.
That same segment featured Big Cat taking the Seahawks over the Cardinals specifically because Drew Lock will fire the pigskin, and claiming the Bears are better than the Buccaneers. The Bears-Bucs game also earned the coveted “letdown spot of the letdown spot” label after Chicago's emotional win over Seattle, which is exactly the kind of sentence that makes a Sunday night game feel dangerous.
Baldy Brings the Tape
Brian Baldinger joined the show and immediately went to the trenches, where he crowned Jeffrey Simmons the best defensive lineman in football. Baldy loves a player who ruins the intended point of attack, and Simmons apparently does that on nearly every snap while playing 90 percent of the game.
Brian BaldingerJeffrey Simmons is the best defensive lineman in football
He's the best defensive lineman in football. ... He's unblockable one-on-one. ... He does make everybody better.
The 49ers also got a January endorsement. With DeForest Buckner, Nick Bosa eventually returning, and young defenders like Grayson Halt and Jayden de la Torre giving the defense some juice, Baldinger sees San Francisco as a team that can be ready when the real football starts.
The Chargers, on the other hand, do not have a secret scheme waiting to unlock them. Baldy said the problem starts with talent: not enough reliable targets, no consistent run game, and an offensive line that has been forced to play too many rookies. That is a much harsher diagnosis than simply blaming Justin Herbert or asking whether Jim Harbaugh has enough vibes.
Brian BaldingerThe Chargers have a talent problem, not just a scheme problem
It starts with talent. Like they don't have a talented roster offensively. ... They don't really have targets that you can count on. ... They can't run the ball at all.
Baldinger was equally direct about Dallas, calling the Micah Parsons trade the dumbest thing the Cowboys have ever done as an organization. The Cowboys can collect Rashan Gary, draft Malachi Lawrence, and acquire every available pass rusher in the league, but none of them are Micah Parsons. Jerry Jones probably felt that one in his auction paddle.
Brian BaldingerTrading Micah Parsons was the Cowboys' dumbest move
They still miss Micah Parsons. Like it was still the dumbest thing they've ever done as an organization. ... None of them are Micah Parsons.
The NFC North Panic Button
The most surprising Baldy call came in the NFC North. Despite Minnesota leading the division, he identified the Vikings as the team most likely to miss the playoffs because the offense has not been good enough and the defense is being asked to solve every problem with pressure. Justin Jefferson being invisible in the passing game was the detail that made the warning feel especially serious.
Brian BaldingerThe Vikings are the NFC North team most likely to miss the playoffs
I would say the team that I would be most worried about is the team that actually leads the division. And that's the Minnesota—just because offensively they have not been a good offense.
Baldinger still likes the Giants, praising the secondary, the defensive coordinator, JJ McCarthy's deep-ball touch, and a defensive front that can make life miserable. He also said Jalen Carter is not currently dominating the way he did earlier in his career, which is a pretty notable critique from someone who had previously treated Carter like a human demolition crew.
The Steelers received a more positive review. Their offensive line switch helped unlock the run game, Jalen Warren is now the team's MVP, and Max Hancher has apparently turned into a better pick than the player Pittsburgh originally wanted. Baldy did not come to play “everyone is promising.” He came with winners and losers.
Picks, Tape Watch, and a Golf Funeral
The official picks included a Jets addiction, an Eagles-Giants over powered by Bazooka Joe, and the annual ceremony where Zach tries to escape the betting basement. Glen Tape Watch delivered a mountain of Patriots statistics about AJ Brown, only for Hank to point out that the sample size was tiny and one of the games was the Seahawks monsoon. Glen remains undefeated in confidence, if not always in relevance.
The Fyre Fest was daylight saving time making it dark before dinner, but the real emotional damage came from Liv Golf supposedly winding down. The show had already buried Liv once, so when another report said it was officially shutting down, Max and Hank argued over whether “wind down” and “shut down” mean the same thing. They do not, apparently, and PFT would like to purchase the intellectual property.
Then PFT took issue with Wesley Bryan suggesting that the Internet Invitational would be better if eight of its weaker golfers were replaced by the best players in the world. PFT's counterproposal was the exact opposite: add even worse golfers, because every shot could become either a disaster or an all-time clip.
PFT CommenterThe Internet Invitational is better with bad golfers
I would rather get rid of the best eight players and then add eight more that are worse than all of us. Because the worst players, like when you're watching the worst player, any shot could either be a disaster or awesome.
That led directly to the campaign to get Hank into next year's tournament, where PFT promised to beat him in front of more cameras than Hank has ever seen. Hank admitted that cameras turn his golf game into a mental disaster, which is the kind of honest self-scouting that makes him both an ideal participant and the least likely person to volunteer.
The episode ended with Big Cat and PFT planning multiple urinals for the studio, complete with ice, a cold plunge, and the possibility of Ed Sheeran eventually needing to pee next to them. If the new PMT studio does not smell like a sports bar bathroom by next week, somebody has failed the mission.
The only thing more dangerous than Joe Milton's arm is Big Cat being told he cannot install a urinal.
