Bert Kreischer

Tom Segura is on steroids

Tom Segura's on steroids. Yeah. Tom. Yeah. I can't believe people don't know that. No, no, no. He's been 270 pounds his whole life. And then last year he found 'discipline.' Sure, sure. Was it No, you don't think it's the proximity of him and Joe Rogan maybe happened the same fucking needles.

I will die at 77 in a shocking accident like a shark attack or saving kids

If I can make it to 77, I think I'll make it to 77 clean. And I think I'm gonna go like from like a shark attack or something really... I want to get like attacked by an animal or like a plane crash would be nice... I want my death to be shocking... Saving some kids. That's what I want. Hero. That's how I wanna die.

Bert Kreischer has a Division 1 level tennis serve

I have a division one serve in tennis... I aced him [Tom Segura] 42 times... his tennis coach pulled Thomas out before the match. He said, 'heads up your boy's got a division one serve.'

A 'Two Bears Racing' endurance team is a viable business idea

I came up with stupid fucking two bears racing... I fucking just invested a hundred thousand dollars... already in just talking about it, all our advertisers for two bears have asked if they could buy space on the car. And I'm like, oh, this could work out pretty good.

I became bigger than the 'Van Wilder' movie

When I was young, I was like, I want to be bigger than that movie. So like, I wanna, I w I don't want that movie to be who people think I am. And I think I've gotten bigger than the movie. And so now it's like, it's a nice song. It's like a nice subplot in my story.

Joe Rogan is not a racist

I know him to be a lot of things. A racist is not what he is. I can promise you that. He's a lot of things. Trust me. I don't, the guy's fucking flawed. Like all of us... My dad says, I'm very proud of the son I raised that you will be a loyal to a friend in a moment like this.