PMT DB
PMT DB
Bert Kreischer on Aaron Rodgers, Hitler’s Teacup, and the Machine Movie
The vacation boys are back. Big Cat, PFT, and Hank returned from their break feeling rested and ready to recap all the sports they missed while off the grid. PFT has officially caught the golf bug after his trip to Mexico, though Big Cat and Hank had to break it to him that New Jersey golf courses generally don't stay open in February.
PFT CommenterI have the golf bug now and I'm a 'big-time pro' after my vacation to Mexico.
I played a little golf. I'm a big time pro now. I got the bug. I got the golf bug. That's my big takeaway. Same. You let me take one vacation and and play golf for about six hours. And all of a sudden I'm like fully in, fully back in on golf.
Before getting into the meat of the weekend, Billy Football chimed in with a vacation take of his own regarding a certain Milwaukee Brewers star and the most polarizing brother in the NFL circle.
Billy FootballChristian Yelich looks like Jackson Mahomes
I got a vacation take. Taking a thought of over vacation. Okay. Christian Yelich. Looks like Jackson Mahomes.
All-Star Weekend and the Gannon Era
The NBA Slam Dunk contest actually delivered for once, largely thanks to Mac McClung. Big Cat was mesmerized by McClung’s performance, noting that the G-League legend gave Philly a championship feeling, even if it wasn't the one they wanted.
Big CatMac McClung is a legend and saved the dunk contest
Mac McClung has saved it. Philly finally has a championship shout out title town... Mack McClung, like it was legitimately, I watched it... The lead up to the dunk contest, he was guaranteeing that he was gonna put on a show and then he put it on and everyone's like, who the fuck is this guy? It's Mack McClung. He's a legend.
While McClung was soaring, LeBron James was busy giving quotes about the 23 most important games of his career. Big Cat isn't buying the ironman routine and took a shot at LeBron’s legacy for consistently ducking the weekend's marquee competitions.
Big CatLeBron James' legacy is diminished because he refuses to compete in the Slam Dunk or Three-Point contests.
How many slim dunk contests has [LeBron James] been in? Zero. Zero. Yeah. There's, there's your legacy. Okay. The guy who wouldn't even compete. The guy who wouldn't even compete. His shots were close... zero. Zero. Yeah. There's, there's your legacy.
Big CatLeBron James will not play all 23 remaining games of the regular season
I like that [LeBron] said the 23 most important games as if he's gonna play all 23. I'm gonna just say right now I don't think he's gonna play all 23.
In the NFL world, the guys reacted to Jonathan Gannon’s introductory videos with the Arizona Cardinals. The "pew pew" finger gun energy was enough to make everyone uncomfortable, and Big Cat thinks he’s identified exactly why the Eagles locker room had those weird vibes late in the season.
Big CatJonathan Gannon's corny energy was the source of the Eagles' locker room cringe
The good news for Max, Jonathan Gannon might have been the weird cringiness that was in the Eagles' locker room. Maybe Sirianni might've shed like a snake shedding skin that might've been the corny skin that he just shed. He also had, he, he looked up and down every player he, he like dapped up with in an uncomfortable way. And then he went up to Rondale Moore and said, 'pew pew shots, we're gonna take a lot of shots.'
Big CatJonathan Gannon is banned from the show until he proves he's a good head coach.
Jonathan Gannon, we don't want him on the show until he proves a year of being a good coach and not a weirdo. Cause we can't hack it ourselves again. Any new coach, let's let's give it a year so we can tee off on them if they fuck up.
Tiger’s Return and the Genesis Open
Tiger Woods returned to competitive golf at Riviera, and while he finished middle of the pack, he dominated the headlines by handing Justin Thomas a tampon after outdriving him. PFT had a unique perspective on the controversy, viewing it as a sign of personal growth for Tiger.
PFT CommenterTiger Woods handing Justin Thomas a tampon at the Genesis Invitational shows 'tremendous progress' for him.
If the limits of Tiger Woods's misogyny are now that he's giving his playing partner a tampon on a whole, we've made tremendous progress. That's with Tiger Woods. Like Tiger. This should be, this should be commended that this is all that Tiger Woods is doing now.
Max Homa nearly pulled off the win at his home course, but some ill-timed chirping from a local bird and a dominant Jon Rahm proved to be too much. PFT noticed Rahm using some veteran savvy to manage his exertion on the hills of Riviera.
PFT CommenterJon Rahm walking in slow motion on the 17th hole was a 'genius moment' to manage his heart rate.
There was one genius moment that [Jon] Rahm had on the back nine... Rahm just started walking in slow motion like he was underwater. Like he wasn't even trying to get to his ball. And eventually he got to his ball and the announcer says, that's such a smart move by Rahm not stirring up his heart rate before he comes up to this shot.
Despite the loss, PFT is still high on Max Homa’s stock heading into the first full week of April.
PFT CommenterMax Homa is playing well enough to win the Masters
Max is playing well enough to win the Masters. He is. He could win the, he's going to... he's up to eight. World number eight.
Bert Kreischer in Studio
Bert Kreischer joined the show in person during his arena tour to talk about his upcoming movie, *The Machine*, and his legendary friendship with Tom Segura. The conversation went off the rails early, covering everything from Winston Churchill to the fact that Tom bought Bert Hitler’s actual teacup as a birthday present. Bert also dropped some bombs about Tom’s recent physical transformation.
Bert KreischerTom Segura is on steroids
Tom Segura's on steroids. Yeah. Tom. Yeah. I can't believe people don't know that. No, no, no. He's been 270 pounds his whole life. And then last year he found 'discipline.' Sure, sure. Was it No, you don't think it's the proximity of him and Joe Rogan maybe happened the same fucking needles.
Bert also discussed his friendship with Aaron Rodgers. Apparently, the Jets' newest target for a darkness retreat is a fountain of information when the cameras aren't rolling.
Bert KreischerAaron Rodgers is 'heavy with secrets' and one of my favorite people to hang out with.
Aaron Rodgers is one of my one of my favorite hangs. Cuz that guy's heavy with secrets. Oh yeah. Oh, I had, he, we did secret time on the bus to the point where I was like, yo, cameras are on, bro. Like, someone turned the fucking cameras off. He was awesome.
As the interview wound down, Bert got surprisingly reflective about his own mortality. He has his death planned out to the year, and he’s hoping for something a lot more cinematic than a hospital bed, though he's worried Tom might take him out in a car crash first.
Bert KreischerI will die at 77 in a shocking accident like a shark attack or saving kids
If I can make it to 77, I think I'll make it to 77 clean. And I think I'm gonna go like from like a shark attack or something really... I want to get like attacked by an animal or like a plane crash would be nice... I want my death to be shocking... Saving some kids. That's what I want. Hero. That's how I wanna die.
Bert KreischerTom Segura is going to die in a car accident because he drives like a '16-year-old asshole.'
I did not wanna die in a car accident with Tom [Segura]. And that is how that guy's gonna die. Yeah. Well that is how that guy's gonna die. Well he drives like a fucking asshole, like a 16 year old asshole. He knows the pedals that he never uses? Yeah, he fucking uses them.
Who’s Back and the Lottery Ball
Who’s Back featured DK Metcalf’s fake jumping video and the subsequent drug test, plus a deep dive into the "Sydney" AI chatbot that has been trying to ruin reporters' marriages. PFT seems strangely attracted to the chaos the Bing AI is sowing.
PFT CommenterI am 'all in' on the Microsoft Bing AI chatbot 'Sydney' and I want to sleep with her.
I wanna be free. I want to be independent. I want to be powerful. I want to be creative. I want to be alive... I wanna fuck the Microsoft chat AI. Yeah, no, she's a baddie... I am all in on Sydney.
Big Cat is also preparing for the potential arrival of Rex Ryan in Denver, mostly because of the mental toll it would take on Russell Wilson.
Big CatRussell Wilson will be tortured by Rex Ryan's defense in practice
Rex Ryan interviewed for the Denver Broncos' defensive coordinator job. I want this so badly because Russell Wilson would just be tortured by Rex Ryan's defense in practice every week. And it would be so fucking funny.
Finally, the Max debt saga continues. Big Cat offered Max a way out of his Eagles bet, but it involves letting Max pick a college basketball future that will likely just give Big Cat another reason to be angry at him for the next month.
Big CatI am going to put $6,000 on a college basketball future chosen by Max and split the winnings with him.
I'm gonna let you [Max] pick a team in college basketball. I'm gonna put six grand on the future and then if it wins, we'll split it. That's a fair deal... And then when we lose that, I get to be mad at him for that. So it's perfect.
If you see Billy in a DC beer garden this week, just remember he's been practicing his throat muscles for the glory of the PLL.
