The Texans are officially my Pinky Team and I don't think they can win the Super Bowl

The Texans are officially be my Pinky team... I will cut the tip of my pinky off of the Texans win the Super Bowl. That's a, that's a fair. And I don't even think, yeah. I hate the pinky bet. Yeah. I don't understand. I don't understand thrilling.

I will get a Taylor Swift lyric tattooed on my body if the Chiefs win the Super Bowl

If the Chiefs win the Super Bowl, I will get a Taylor Swift lyric tattooed on my body... in a place that can be seen. I get to pick the lyric, but I will have it on my body.

The Commanders should bench Jaden Daniels this weekend to protect him from the FedEx Field turf

I act, I don't wanna see Jayden this weekend. Oh, I, I think we should sit him. Okay. Because I, I'm still dealing with my PTSD Post-Traumatic Snyder disorder. When Robert Griffin had a sprained knee, came back too soon, everything was bad after that... Every quarterback has gotten injured on that turf.

The goal allowed by the US goalie was the most embarrassing possible

What about the goalie? Yeah, I mean he... that was the most embarrassing goal that I've ever seen. Possible.

The USMNT is the 'James Franklin Penn State' of soccer

People were making very mean jokes online that we were James Franklin, Penn State. And it is actually perfectly appropriate because if you look at who we played, we beat the teams we're supposed to beat... and then we absolutely got ass fucked by the team that was better than us in Belgium. We are not who we thought we were.

We just suck at soccer as a country and that's okay

My take is we suck at soccer and that's okay. Like, I don't care that we suck at soccer anymore. I'm going to root for the US team. I'm gonna get excited when we're in a World Cup. I'm gonna get hyped up and it's gonna be fun to watch. And then I'm gonna be reminded that we suck at soccer and that it's just gonna be like, okay, yeah, that's okay.