A Bruins Stanley Cup Game 7 at home is a once-in-a-lifetime sports event

It's like Game 7 at home Bruins once in a lifetime thing, but I'm not a diehard Bruins fan. But it's your birthday and it's a party.

Sports fans are forbidden from shaving their beards during a deep playoff run

If you're a sports fan and you're a fan of your hockey team and they're in fucking Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Final and you have a beard, you cannot shave it. I don't care if you're superstitious.

Kevin Durant will play in Game 5 and it will result in absolute chaos

I think [Durant] will play on Monday night. I really do. And it will be chaos. And it's perfect because this is like the Warriors' entire season in a microcosm.

England will beat the Netherlands and then lose a heartbreaking match to Argentina

I think England's gonna win this weekend. And then you'll have the realization that it might not actually be coming home after all... losing to Argentina at that stage, that would be the most heartbreaking loss they could possibly have.

Christian Pulisic is clearly not and cannot be the face of US soccer

I'm just sick of relying on him [Pulisic] to be the face of US soccer because it can't be, it's so clear that he's not.

The 4-1 loss to Belgium was the worst USMNT performance in years

That was the worst performance from the US that I've seen in years. Just completely lackluster from the start. So much blame to go around. Tim Ream, friend of the program, good guy over the hill, turned into soccer Shawn Bradley before our very eyes got dunked on twice.