Takes

The 2018 Super Bowl will be Rams vs. Chiefs

I think it would be the Rams and the Chiefs, and probably the over would be at 70.

The Done Chain is officially on the Houston Texans

I am going to hang the Done Chain on the Houston Texans. Done. Done. I'm done with them.

Deshaun Watson will not have a great season due to his ACL recovery timeline

I didn't think that Deshaun Watson was going to have a great year this year because Adrian Peterson screwed it up for everybody by coming back from that ACL so quickly... It's going to be like a year and a half before he gets back to normal.

Andrew Luck's shoulder is not fully healthy

When the Colts wanted to go Hail Mary, they brought in Jacoby Brissett. Andrew Luck's shoulder... maybe not as healthy as we think it is.

Patrick Mahomes will win MVP and be inducted into the Hall of Fame in his rookie year

I think he's going to be the first player ever in his rookie year to win MVP and automatic induction to the Hall of Fame.

The Vikings will beat the Rams on Thursday Night Football

The Vikings are going to beat the Rams up Thursday night... Because the Rams are the best team in football, we can all agree... don't take anything the week before and put it on this week.

The Rams have already won the NFC West

I'm about ready to give the Rams the NFC West title right now.

Josh Gordon will not have long-range success with the Patriots

I don't think [Josh Gordon] has long-range success written over it... because he's not passionate about football... If you're not willing to do the time and the effort into it, you're just going to get cast aside.

Dont'a Hightower can no longer play linebacker effectively

Hightower can't run like he used to run. And so he's really a defensive end. He can't play linebacker anymore.

Derek Carr is not worth a $20 million salary

I'm not sure that [Derek] Carr's worth the $20 million when you watch him play.

The Cleveland Browns will make the playoffs

Welcome to being a winner Cleveland. I say the Cleveland Browns are going to make the playoffs.

The Giants season is over if they lose to the Texans

This is officially if the thing is, I'm pretty sure the Giants are terrible. And if the Texans lose to a terrible team, their season's over... When you dun-chain someone, their season is over.

Bet the Redskins +3 because of the bad turf at FedEx Field

One, Aaron Rodgers, he says that his knee's getting – like he's afraid that it's going to get worse. And the Redskins' defensive line is pretty good... Aaron Rodgers' knee, the Redskins' turf. That's all you need to say for that game.

Eli Manning should just retire already

Fuck Eli Manning. How many times is Eli Manning going to sack himself when I put a little fucking cashola on the Giants in a Sunday night game? Fuck you, Eli Manning. Just retire, you fucking asshole.

The best USFL teams would have been 7-9 caliber NFL teams

Philadelphia Stars back then would have been a 7-9 NFL team.

Derek Carr is an overrated quarterback

Derek Carr's overrated, I think. It's the Raiders. They've been a gong show forever.

The Patriots will roll over Matt Patricia and the Lions

I also think the Pats roll over [Matt] Patricia. Big Cat, you have sources. They hate Patricia, huh?

Jon Gruden is intentionally sabotaging the Raiders to get back at Al Davis

I think this might be intentional... he had like a feud with Al Davis and whispered in his ear on Al's deathbed: 'Listen to me, you son of a bitch. I'm going to come back, and I'm going to wreck your franchise.'

Tom Brady and Bill Belichick actually hate each other

I do actually believe that Brady and Belichick hate each other. I think they hate each other, but I think that they have such a productive hate for each other. And they're both such like competitive psychos that it just makes each one of them be better at their jobs.

The Bears are a Super Bowl contender

I watched part of the game, and I'm telling you, this team is a Super Bowl contender. I'm dead serious. That defense. You're not telling me that defense—I mean, I agree, but shut up. The defense is Super Bowl caliber.

The Bears will win the NFC North this year

This is your year to win that division. Aaron Rodgers is hurt. Kirk Cousins is a nerd. Matt Patricia lost the locker room. This is your year to win that division.

The championship window has officially closed for the Seattle Seahawks

This is a major, like, officially the window has shut on the Seattle Seahawks. I'm ready to declare window closed. They're going to now have to remake themselves as an offensive team. No more glory hole.

Chris Carson is a future All-Pro running back

They're playing with [10 ghosts], except for Chris Carson, who's future All-Pro running back.

Mike Tomlin is losing the Steelers locker room

We always say Mike Tomlin, he's a player's coach, and he's liable to lose a locker room this year. He's literally losing his locker room. He's got nothing. He's got Bell's gone. Antonio Brown's not showing up for work.

Blake Bortles destroyed the Pittsburgh Steelers

I was saying, okay, who killed these Pittsburgh Steelers? Was it the Browns? Nope. Was it Patrick Mahomes? Nope. Blake Bortles destroyed the Pittsburgh Steelers by beating them twice last year in their own backyard.

The Buccaneers have a full-blown quarterback controversy

Deshaun Jackson proved our point that you have to keep riding Ryan Fitzpatrick. He said that you have to ride the hot hand. That is a full-blown quarterback controversy as far as I'm concerned.

Route running is the most important skill for a wide receiver

I would say that route running is supreme over every other characteristic of being a receiver. Forget the speed. Forget the height. Forget the vertical. If you're a route runner, you can be so deceptive with everything.

The Arizona Cardinals are a sleeper team this season

One sleeper for the season is the Arizona Cardinals. Sam Bradford, of course, he has to stay healthy. David Johnson came on our show... a thousand and a thousand. So with him, Larry Legend, Fitzgerald, and then Chandler Jones and Patrick Peterson, I think they can do some damage.

Josh Gordon won't succeed in New England if he couldn't in Cleveland

If you can't get your shit together enough to play for the Browns and for the Browns to release you—I think that if you can't get your shit together enough to be able to play on the Browns for six years, then you're probably not going to be able to play for Bill Belichick.

Todd Bowles is a top-ten NFL coach

I still think that Todd Bowles is a top-ten coach. Everybody knows the Dolphins always play the Jets tough.

The Patriots are going to trade for Josh Gordon

If you're anything like me, your first reaction [to the Josh Gordon news] was the fucking Patriots are going to get him.

The Buccaneers cannot sit Ryan Fitzpatrick if he wins in Week 3

Ryan Fitzpatrick, if he wins week three, how can they sit him? I don't know what's going on with Ryan Fitzpatrick, but I am ready, much like Case Keenum last year where we had to ask ourselves many times... Ryan Fitzpatrick, if he wins week three, how can they sit him?

Patriots September losses never matter

The Patriots always lose these games in September. It never matters. I got another stat from this from Tim Whelan on Twitter. So the last three years in which the Patriots reached the Super Bowl, they lost by double digits within the first four weeks.

Bears vs. Seahawks is the most important game in franchise history

I think the Bears, as I said, not me overreacting to the loss against the Packers. I called it the most important game in franchise history. And as such, I think they will win.

Chris Carson will run for a lot of yards against the Bears

I think the Bears are going to win. I'm eager to see [Chris Carson] run for a shitload of yards, as I predicted.

Roger Goodell is making kickers miss to justify getting rid of ties

We had a theory last year... that Roger Goodell was trying to save football or at least appear like he was the good guy by having all of his kickers miss these easy field goals so that he could come in and change the rules and get rid of ties altogether.

Josh Gordon will be traded on Monday

I think [Josh Gordon] is going to be traded at some point on Monday. And then the Browns wash their hands of him.

Josh Gordon's likely landing spots are the Seahawks, Patriots, or 49ers

I think that Seattle would be one of the teams... I think the Patriots would have to be considered... I'd say Seahawks, Patriots, 49ers would be the three teams I'd watch.

The NFL should treat QBs like kickers and prohibit all contact after the ball is out

Just treat the quarterback like a punter or a kicker. Once the ball's out, you can't touch him. Then there's no ambiguity... if you don't touch the ball and the ball's out and you hit the quarterback, it's a foul just like it is for a punter and a kicker.

Todd Haley will take over for Hue Jackson at some point this season

I think Todd Haley is the guy that ends up taking over at some point for the rest of the season, at some point this year [in Cleveland].

Joe Flacco stinks and the Ravens need to get him receivers

Joe Flacco. He stinks. They need to get him some receivers.

The excuse for Joe Flacco's entire career will be his lack of receivers

The Ravens just won't go out and get it [receiving help]. That's going to be the excuse for Joe Flacco for his entire career. Okay. Because he doesn't have receivers.

The Lions have already quit on Matt Patricia

The Lions already quit on Matt Patricia. I think he's already lost the locker room. I'm going to go all the way there... They already hate Matt Patricia. They already hate that stupid backwards hat and the trash bag he wears.

The Jets are overvalued after their Week 1 performance

Is this a major Ravens against the Bills situation where they're [the Jets] overvalued now? Correct. Well, guess what? I'm an idiot, and so actually all of my picks, I'm looking at them all right now, they're all basic picks.

Eli Manning always plays well in Dallas

Doesn't it feel like every time that Eli [Manning] goes to Dallas... I feel like Eli Manning always plays well in Dallas, and I feel like the Sunday night game is when he has, like, the buzz, like, is Eli Manning? Is he back?

The Cleveland Browns will be a good spot once everything clicks

Once everything starts to click, that's going to be a good spot [Cleveland] because you look around that division... Baltimore's on the way down... Roethlisberger's got a couple years left... Cincinnati's always Cincinnati... Cleveland's going to be sitting there right at the right time to get good.

Josh Allen has the best upside of the 2018 draft class

The best upside of the draft class is Josh Allen. [Big Cat: Josh Allen. Yeah, there we go.]

The 2018 Pittsburgh Steelers are a 'fucking mess'

The Steelers are a fucking mess. Le'Veon Bell. Antonio Brown. The fact that this is all happening within the first week or two, and they tied the Browns, and Big Ben is already injured, this team is a fucking mess.

Matthew Stafford will be a legitimate Hall of Fame candidate despite people thinking he sucked

Matt Stafford is going to go down as the best, worst quarterback of all time because his numbers – he doesn't get injured... He's played 10 years. He's only 30 years... His statistics will be so insane that he will be a legitimate Hall of Fame candidate. And everyone who watched him would be like, that guy sucked.

Matt Patricia looks like Romeo Crennel Part 7

Matt Patricia, I'm not sure if I'm ready to call it yet. But he looks like the latest. He looks like Romeo Crennel Part 7.