Takes

Every child born in 2016 is inherently evil

Since 2016 sucks, the futures market for kids is way down right now, because every kid born this year is evil. That's how horoscopes work, by the way.

Steve Jobs is still alive and living in South America with Lionel Messi's father

Steve Jobs was sitting in – he's not dead... Everyone knows Steve Jobs living in South America, if you remember that picture... With Messi's dad.

Quentin Tarantino thinks he isn't racist because he uses the N-word so frequently in his films

I feel like Tarantino is going down that route where he's like he's used the N word so many times that he's not racist. Like he's one of the good white guys because he's not afraid to use the N word in his like period pieces because he's technically making fun of the racist from those periods.