PMT DB
PMT DB
Johnny Bench, Kyle Long, and TJ Lavin on UFOs and Unwritten Rules
It is officially April Fool's Day, and while most corporations are busy tweeting out fake products that aren't actually funny, Big Cat and PFT Commenter are keeping it real by refusing to participate in the charade. PFT has a very specific theory on who exactly this holiday is for, and it isn't the guys.
PFT CommenterApril Fool's jokes are only for women and corporations
I feel like April Fool's jokes are for chicks. Let's be honest. It's for chicks and also like corporations. It's really it's a holiday for girls and for brands. That's about it.
Before getting into the meat of the show, Big Cat is already looking ahead to the Final Four this weekend. He is handing out free money for anyone heading to the window, specifically targeting the shooting conditions in Houston.
Big CatThe Saturday Final Four games will go under because players can't shoot in the NRG Stadium dome
I told everyone i think two days ago the unders are going to come in on saturday no one can shoot in the houston [NRG] something or other dome. So take the unders.
Kyle Long on Locker Room Snitches and UFOs
Chicago Bears offensive lineman Kyle Long hopped on the show while waiting for back treatment to discuss the D'Angelo Russell and Swaggy P controversy. As a guy who lives in a professional locker room, Kyle had some thoughts on how that situation would have played out in the NFL. He basically confirmed that if you record a teammate talking about his private life and leak it to the internet, you aren't just getting the cold shoulder at lunch.
Kyle LongNFL locker room drama like the D'Angelo Russell leak would stay in-house because the culprit would get beaten up
Honestly, I think the difference between basketball guys and football guys is that you would never even hear a story like this come out. And if it did come out, it would be kept in-house and somebody would get their shit kicked in. And then it would kind of be like, let's move on.
While the NBA world was reeling from the leak, Kyle and the guys also touched on the specifics of the relationship being discussed. Kyle isn't exactly convinced the romance was built on a bedrock of traditional values.
Kyle LongIf you are going to cheat on someone, you should cheat on Iggy Azalea
If you're going to cheat on somebody, you should cheat on Iggy. But I think that that's one of those relationships that's probably in the public eye. It benefits both of them. It's a symbiotic relationship. I wouldn't think that it's one that's really, like, organic.
Perhaps the most shocking revelation of the interview was Kyle Long's admission that he has seen a UFO. Move over Aaron Rodgers, because the Bears' big man has had his own close encounter in Scottsdale, and he’s not backing down from what he saw.
Kyle LongI saw a UFO in Scottsdale that moved way too fast for a normal aircraft
I saw one last year at Scottsdale. Somebody told me we were by the airport, but I was like, don't believe it. Moves way too fast. Awkward movements. UFOs. I was driving north on Scottsdale and I was going to Kierland... And I absolutely saw a UFO. It was like stopping in the air. It was meandering. It was making like crazy [movements].
PFT even started mapping out a potential family-on-family Royal Rumble between the Longs and the Gronkowskis. Despite the star power of Rob Gronkowski, PFT is putting his money on the Hall of Fame genetics of the Long family, especially with Howie in the mix.
PFT CommenterThe Long family would beat the Gronkowski family in a Royal Rumble-style fight
Eventually we'll have [the Longs] do like a WrestleMania-type thing against the Gronkowskis, like a Royal Rumble or a tag team event... I would probably take the Longs, to be honest. I think both Kyle and Chris outweigh Rob Gronkowski... And then if you throw the dads into the equation... I would absolutely take the Longs. I think that Howie is a crazy man.
Pablo Sandoval is Too Fat for Baseball
Turning to the diamond, the guys addressed the Red Sox benching Pablo Sandoval for showing up to spring training roughly the size of a small moon. Big Cat thinks the Red Sox have it all backward. If you want a guy to lose weight, the last thing you should do is let him sit on the bench and hang out in the clubhouse where the snacks are.
Big CatBenching Pablo Sandoval for being fat is counterproductive; the team should make him play more to burn calories
Benching him is like the opposite of what you want to do. If I'm a fat guy, if you tell me like, Hey, you're too fat to do your job. So you're just not going to do it anymore. I'm like, uh, like, so what's the catch? I get to just sit and like, hang out in the clubhouse now. If you want to get Pablo Sandoval to lose weight, you make him play like a simulated game, then the real game, then like another simulated game. Like just starve him to death and make him work so hard that he has to lose the weight.
Johnny Bench on the Big Red Machine and Bat Flips
The guys welcomed a literal legend to the show in Johnny Bench. The Hall of Fame catcher joined to discuss why Opening Day should be a national holiday, a platform that Big Cat is ready to vote for immediately.
Johnny BenchOpening Day should be a national holiday
Kingsford came to me, and it was the idea that Cincinnati forever was the first game of the season... I'm actually pushing for a national baseball day. I don't know why, you know, if I were elected president... that we shouldn't have a baseball day, and everybody just has one thing in mind, and that's going to the ballparks.
Bench also weighed in on the current state of his old rivals in Chicago. Even a Reds legend can admit when the North Siders are putting together something special, noting that the young talent on the Cubs looks like the real deal.
Johnny BenchThe Cubs have a shot to win it all this year because their young players look professional
I think that's fine. You know, you got a lot of young guys that have really come up out of the minor leagues and have just absolutely performed, and they come up with so much confidence, and they really look professional, and it's exciting to see... You got a shot.
Of course, they had to ask about the unwritten rules. In an era where Goose Gossage is yelling at clouds about bat flips, Johnny Bench confirmed that back in the day, showing up a catcher had very physical consequences during the next at-bat.
Johnny BenchIf a player bat flips in your face, the pitcher should knock him down next time
He's going to go down on his butt. You're gonna oh you're gonna call for the inside heat you didn't even have to you know the pitcher already knows it. The thing you know he's standing out there and you show him up i can understand if it's a game-ending situation where the guy gets excited but you know in the old days you know everybody had a memory you don't show me up.
Segments: Prayers Up and Jimbo of the Week
The show featured the debut of "Prayers Up," where PFT sent some love to J.J. Watt for his numerous groin injuries. While the media treats J.J. like a war hero for playing through a tear, PFT pointed out that this isn't exactly a rare occurrence in the trenches.
PFT Commenter90% of NFL players likely have a torn groin by the end of a season
I don't think that a torn groin is like – I'd say 90% of the NFL has a torn groin by the end of the season. I don't think this is anything special.
During PR 101, the guys analyzed a German soccer team using Photoshop to show solidarity, which led Big Cat down a dark rabbit hole regarding the internet's favorite meme for losers.
Big CatThe Crying Jordan meme is essentially a form of blackface
Isn't Crying Jordan meme a blackface in a way? I've never thought about it like that, but I suppose it is... They blackface literally every person who's ever lost any game ever.
Finally, the guys were joined by TJ Lavin for Jimbo of the Week. While most Jimbos involve forgetting a license or a bad bet, TJ’s Jimbo involved accidentally going 160 mph in a sleeper car in the middle of the desert. To wrap things up, Big Cat checked in on Landon Donovan’s Twitter feed, where the soccer star offered a bulletproof defense against accusations of sexism.
Big CatLandon Donovan is officially not sexist because he has a twin sister
Some of my best siblings that were born at the exact same time of me are women, in fact, so I cannot be sexist. I love this reasoning from Landon Donovan... I'm taking this from Landon Donovan, and I'm saying he is, in fact, not sexist. He has a twin sister.
Just remember that if you have a twin sister, you are legally immune to all gender-based criticism forever.
