Takes

The sun is a keyboard cowboy and a bitch

So the sun's like basically a little bitch, like a keyboard cowboy. Or the sun is just... We show up to its grill, and we're like, hey, say something to my face. And the sun's like, no, we're good here.

Bill Nye is a fraud who has been catfishing America for 30 years

He's a stand-up comedian that created this character that has no scientific background. Basically, Bill Nye has been catfishing America for the last 30 years. Right. So the fact that he says the sun is hot is further proof that it's cold. I would absolutely conclude that. But he's a proven liar. All he's done his entire adult life is lie to us.

Tom Brady is right that drinking water prevents sunburns because fish never get sunburned

Tom Brady has actually – he's the scientist who has found the nourishing effects of water. Well, I'd like to point out that I've never seen a sunburned fish in my life, and they are just surrounded by water all the time.

The Sun is not actually hot because space is cold

There's a big conspiracy theory out there that the sun is not actually hot. ... If the sun is hot, why is space cold? ... The sun is probably the biggest fraud of all time if it's cold. It just knows how to take flattering pictures of itself on Instagram.

Sean McVay should be worried that he will be fired before the Rams' new stadium opens

This is a big misstep by Sean McVay. If I was Sean McVay, I would do everything in my power to get that stadium done by 2019... after three years, going into the fourth, you can be fired after that third year. And then they can say, well, we need a new coach for the new stadium.

Squirrel tail circumference predicts the length of winter

You look at the squirrel's tail, the circumference of a squirrel's tail will tell you how long the winter's going to be... That's a little farmer's almanac trick for you.