PMT DB
PMT DB
Randy Moss and Mike Portnoy on the Preakness, Grit Week, and A-Rod
LeBron James is still very good at basketball, and that means Hank is officially puking green as the Celtics get dismantled. While the NBA world prepares for an inevitable collision course between Cleveland and Golden State, Big Cat is already bracing for the media onslaught that comes with it.
Big CatFans will get sick of the Cavaliers-Warriors NBA Finals preview within a week
We are all going to get so fucking sick of the Cavs-Warriors preview, because it's already starting. They're already previewing Cavs-Warriors, and then if both sides sweep... I think it's like seven days before the NBA Finals start. That's a shitload of previews.
Speaking of the media, the guys are officially done with Greg Popovich's post-game schtick. What used to be seen as "Pop being Pop" is now just being a dickhead to reporters while the rest of the world claps for his empty political statements. Meanwhile, Kevin Durant is managing to dodge the spotlight while his team cruises, but the guys aren't letting him off the hook for his past choices.
Big CatKevin Durant is staying under the radar but he is still a 'baby back bitch'
Not a lot of talk about Kevin Durant being a baby back bitch. Nobody says. He's under the radar right now. Just don't forget the sloucher, the Durantula, the servant... It's all falling in nicely for Kevin Durant, though. He's staying under the radar, so just keep your eye out.
Legal Advice with Mike Portnoy
With Grit Week around the corner, Big Cat and PFT brought on the people's lawyer, Mr. Portnoy, to ensure they don't end up in the "pokey." Between the mustache and the long hair, Mr. Portnoy is convinced they're already halfway to a profiling stop in West Virginia. He also offered some surprisingly cutthroat business advice regarding the intern interview process they've been running.
Mr. PortnoyEmployers have much more legal leeway if they don't pay their interns
If they're not getting paid, all right, and they're not employees, right? Well, you better stop [paying them] right away... you have a lot more leeway if you're not paying them.
In the latest edition of Portnoy’s Complaint, we learned that the singed mail mystery has not been solved, and he’s now spending thirty minutes a day trying to hit the tiny "unsubscribe" buttons on emails about funeral expenses. He also has a bone to pick with public radio’s fundraising tactics.
Mr. PortnoyNPR's pledge drives are a form of extortion
One of the big things now is if you'll give a donation, we will stop soliciting money. It's extortion. In other words, they're on there with some kind of meaningless promotion... and their attitude is, you want us to stop, right? Give us some money.
Preakness Picks with the Original Randy Moss
Randy Moss (the horse racing one) joined the show to get everyone's bankroll ready for the Preakness. He broke down the blue-collar atmosphere of Pimlico compared to the high society of the Derby. When it comes to the actual betting, Randy narrowed the winner's circle down to just two legitimate contenders.
Randy MossOnly Always Dreaming or Classic Empire can win the Preakness
In my opinion, only two horses can win the race, Always Dreaming and Classic Empire. Those are the only two that can win the race. The other horses are various confidence levels of playing in the exotics. I think Cloud Computing is a horse that can be a part of the exotics.
He also warned listeners to stay away from the fan favorites that don't have the legs anymore. Ben’s Cat might be a legend in Maryland, but Randy thinks he's basically the 70-year-old Mike Portnoy of the turf. Instead, he’s looking at a specific wire-to-wire winner in the Black-Eyed Susan.
Randy MossShimmering Aspen will lead from start to finish in the Black-Eyed Susan
Shimmering Aspen, the horse that's won three races and four starts... I think is probably going to go wire-to-wire in the Black Eyed Susan at about four or five to one.
PR 101 and Guys on Chicks
Big Cat, a loyal employee of A-Rod Corp, addressed the breaking news of Alex Rodriguez’s pre-game notes being leaked. The notes included bullet points for "birth control," "baby," and "pull out," which Big Cat finds entirely on-brand for a guy who probably needs a manual for everything.
Big CatA-Rod probably writes notes to himself reminding him to pull out
A-Rod actually strikes me as the type of guy who has to write a reminder to himself being like, remember to pull out. Like five times a day. It's like praying to Mecca if you're Muslim.
To wrap things up, the guys debuted Guys on Chicks, a segment where they explain women's bodies to them. This included a debate on the merits of the Brazilian wax and a very honest discussion about bathroom etiquette. Big Cat admitted that the only thing that gets him to the sink is the social pressure of a superior watching him.
Big CatMen only wash their hands after peeing if someone else is in the room
I only wash it when there's someone else in the room that's going to wash it and they look down on you... I was in the bathroom with one of our boss bosses... and it was like, okay, is he going to go? Are you going to go? I wish I had just had the balls to be like, hey, we're guys. Let's just not wash.
Keep an eye on the Grit Week tracker as the guys head to West Virginia to kick off the tour from Mike Florio's barn.
Good luck to Cowboy Steve Hamilton and his weight-loss journey this weekend.
