Randy Moss & Our Lawyer Mike Portnoy

Fans will get sick of the Cavaliers-Warriors NBA Finals preview within a week

We are all going to get so fucking sick of the Cavs-Warriors preview, because it's already starting. They're already previewing Cavs-Warriors, and then if both sides sweep... I think it's like seven days before the NBA Finals start. That's a shitload of previews.

I am officially off Greg Popovich because of how he treats the media

I'm off of him. I'm off of Pop. No, but it's picking up a little steam. Greg Popovich just being a dickhead to people while everyone says, wow, Pop tells it like it is. He's so funny. And then he says a long political statement without really saying anything. And everyone's like, man, Pop keeps it real.

Kevin Durant is staying under the radar but he is still a 'baby back bitch'

Not a lot of talk about Kevin Durant being a baby back bitch. Nobody says. He's under the radar right now. Just don't forget the sloucher, the Durantula, the servant... It's all falling in nicely for Kevin Durant, though. He's staying under the radar, so just keep your eye out.

Kevin Durant is injury-prone and another injury might be coming

Yeah, I can see maybe an injury coming for Kevin Durant. He's injury-prone. It'll be a real shame.

Jeff Fisher's name will be in the rumor mill for the Bears job next January

I cannot wait for [Jeff Fisher's] name to get back in the rumor mill. It's going to happen next January. The Bears. Yeah, when we're going to start getting some Jeff Fisher rumors, and I am so, so, so, so, so excited.

LaVar Ball is the greatest character Vince McMahon ever created

LaVar Ball he is the greatest character that Vince McMahon ever created. It's like everything. I mean, he basically went on Colin Cowherd's show and nagged all women. He was like, I'm not selling you. You're not big ballers. And then all the women were like, wait, we want to be big ballers too. All right, fine. I'll sell you some shirts.

Employers have much more legal leeway and leverage if they don't pay their interns

If they're not getting paid, all right, and they're not employees, right? Well, you better stop [paying them] right away... you have a lot more leeway if you're not paying them. I like the scheme you've... As we say in the law, you've got a lot of leverage.

NPR's pledge drives are a form of extortion

One of the big things now is if you'll give a donation, we will stop soliciting money. It's extortion. In other words, they're on there with some kind of meaningless promotion. And their attitude is, you hate this, right? The answer is obviously yes. You want us to stop, right? Yes. Give us some money.

Only Always Dreaming or Classic Empire can win the Preakness

In my opinion, only two horses can win the race, Always Dreaming and Classic Empire. Those are the only two that can win the race. The other horses are various confidence levels of playing in the exotics. I think Cloud Computing is a horse that can be a part of the exotics.

Don't bet on Ben's Cat in the Jim McKay Turf Sprint because he is too old

Don't bet Ben's Cat. He's a real popular horse that's going to run in the Jim McKay turf sprint. He's 11 years old, which is like playing in the NFL at age 70... Ben's cat being 11 would probably be the equivalent of a 45, 46-year-old player in the NFL.

Shimmering Aspen will lead from start to finish in the Black-Eyed Susan

Shimmering Aspen, the horse that's won three races and four starts... I think is probably going to go wire-to-wire in the Black Eyed Susan at about four or five to one.

Tom Brady uses the concussion excuse to avoid having sex with Gisele

Or it could be Tom Brady just revealing that he uses the headache excuse to avoid having sex with Gisele. She's like, no, we never have sex anymore, so he always has head hurt. And Brady's like, yeah, I'm dealing with a lot of concussions, babe.

Hillary Clinton killed Chris Cornell

[Chris Cornell] also just happened to be the guy that sang the theme song for the Benghazi movie. And he was very active in Benghazi awareness that implicated a woman named Hillary Clinton. And then he passes away under mysterious circumstances. I think Hillary Clinton killed Chris Cornell.

Men only wash their hands after peeing if someone else is in the room

I only wash it when there's someone else in the room that's going to wash it and they look down on you... I was in the bathroom with one of our boss bosses... and it was like, okay, is he going to go? Are you going to go? I wish I had just had the balls to be like, hey, we're guys. Let's just not wash.

Pee on your hands releases pheromones that make women find you irresistible

If you don't wash your hands, you're actually preserving the pheromones that women find irresistible. So a little pee on your hands... actually turns women into soup. Just melts that labia clean off.