Takes

Steph Curry saved America with his performance in the Olympic gold medal game

Steph Curry is the man he saved America. That was one of the most fun times I've had watching basketball. And Steph Curry comes in and he was lights out for the last two games... 17 for 26 from 3, 60 points in the last two games.

Modern NBA players genuinely cared about winning the Olympic gold medal

The players cared. They cared very deeply about it. Oh dude, they cared... They wanted to be in there. They wanted to be playing. They wanted to do this. I, I guess for the country, which is awesome to see because an Olympics pass, some of the guys were just like, yeah, whatever. It's basically an exhibition.

Skip Bayless would have found a way to criticize LeBron James's legacy regardless of the Olympic MVP outcome

Skip obviously went straight to Twitter and was like, Steph Curry won the MVP. Right? Yeah. He said LeBron did win the MVP and yeah, skip was like, this is an indictment on LeBron's legacy just perfect spin zone... if Steph had gotten the MVP, it would've been the same video being like LeBron didn't get the MVP and this was his team.

Noah Lyles is the Hater of the Year for his comments on the NBA

Noah Lyles... might have to do that as a Takey Hater of the Year. Because he was the one who before the Olympics said, you don't win a world championship if you win the NBA championship. That's not the world... He definitely got cut playing basketball. He's got some very deep seated anger for any ball sport.

Watching Caleb Williams play made me feel like an idiot for ever believing in Mitch Trubisky or Justin Fields

Watching Caleb Williams play quarterback made me feel like the dumbest person in the entire world forever thinking that Mitch Trubisky and Justin Fields were the guys. 'Cause it looks so different. Yeah. And I know it's preseason... but it just looks different. Like he's his, he's confident, poised, like reading the defense, it just looks different.

Jayden Daniels reminds me of rookie RG3

My own experience watching Jayden [Daniels] on Saturday... that one throw he had oh, so sick... He reminds me of RG3 in the RG3 good times. It's been 30 years since I've had a quarterback that for longer than like 10 weeks I could really root for and really think this is the guy.

I am not ready to get hurt again by a Bears quarterback

I am not ready to get hurt again. I am not. I've been hurt too many times too recently... I'm not mentally, physically in a space where I could take the hurt again. It will, it will kill me. This will be the last hurt of my life.

I will be a 'monster' if Caleb Williams turns out to be incredible

I don't know what I'm capable of. Like, I, it's scary to think of what I could be capable of. If Caleb Williams was like, incredible. I might be a monster.

Peyton Manning's wife is a Mount Rushmore steroid user

Peyton Manning's wife. Yep. That was my fourth bet... Alleged, all alleged... we are not saying Peyton did it. No, no. His wife, his wife, his wife is a steroid guy. His wife was coming back from a very bad neck injury.

Steve Kerr is an idiot for benching Jayson Tatum during the Olympics

I'm an American first and foremost... I think Steve Kerr is a fucking idiot. Even his own player Draymond Green was chirping him on Twitter saying you gotta mess with the lineups. You have Jayson Tatum, one of the best players in the NBA, didn't play at all.

Guardian caps are doing more harm than good and encouraging players to swing helmets in fights

I think the Guardian scrum caps are actually doing more harm than good. Yeah. I think they're, their players are ripping them off and they're like, oh, it's not that hard of a helmet. I can swing it at a guy's head now. It's like a pillow fight. It's encouraging bad behavior.

McDonald's French fries are definitively yellow

McDonald's French fries are yellow. If you were to give a little kid an outline of French fries and told him to color it, they would get the yellow crayon to color it. Thank you, Hank.

Caleb Williams having a fat ass is good for his power as a quarterback

Caleb Williams has aura. He's also got a fucking fat ass, which is good because that's the power to drive the football down the field. I want my quarterback to have a big ass drives the ball.

Everyone outside of Chicago is hoping and wishing that Caleb Williams is a monumental bust

Everyone outside of Chicago is saying the [Caleb Williams] gonna be a monumental bust... A lot of people are hoping for Caleb Williams to be a bust and wishing for Caleb Williams to be a bust, including Hank.

Nick Saban does not have a great track record for developing quarterbacks

Nick Saban not a great track record when developing quarterbacks. He's not a QB whisperer. They were just like showing Nick Saban as like this wise, like tell all Coach, which he is. But if you were to say one thing about Nick Saban it, that he is not like a quarterback whisperer.

Using Peyton Manning's bad rookie year to justify other rookie QBs struggling is dumb logic

To see Nick Saban use that same dumb logic was awesome. Every single person has been using that since Peyton Manning being like, if you a rookie sucks. You're like, well, Peyton Manning sucked.

Stadiums only release 'epic' food items to get social media impressions, not because people actually eat them

I'm convinced that teams do this just to get impressions on social media. I don't think that many people actually order them, but they're looking for the next like epic meal that is sold at a stadium. Right? And so they released a candy, was it cotton candy stuffed burrito where it was like just filling... and nobody's actually gonna eat that. Right? No one's gonna order it.

The 2024 USA Basketball team would smoke the 1992 Dream Team

Modern game. More shooting. Like if it was if you literally just took them in a time machine and dropped them in 2024. The 2024 team would smoke them.

Noah Lyles has every right to brag about being the fastest man on Earth after winning Olympic gold

She had a take, can you really brag about being the fastest person on earth if you win a race by 0.005 seconds?... I think [Noah Lyles] can if you win the gold medal.

Following porn stars at 8 AM is way too early to be that horny

[Kyle Kuzma] waking up this morning... Kyle Kuzma is now following Ms. Thick Overload... that's a brutal one though... that's also way too early in the morning to be that horny... 8:00 AM to be following Ms. Thick Overload.

Lauri Markkanen is not worth $200 million

They just gave Lauri Markkanen a five year, 200 plus million dollar contract... He's not worth that much money. I'd pay him 35 [million].

Dealing with Hank in the morning is tougher than childbirth

Dealing with Hank when he wakes up in the morning. That's very tough. Yeah. Probably tougher than childbirth. If you actually have to do it. Like if childbirth verse, like if you're like, Hey, every day you have to just wake up Hank, I'd take childbirth.

Mick Foley (Mankind) is the toughest person ever

I'm gonna go with Mankind, Mick Foley, toughest dude ever fucking going. When he got slammed on a bed of tacks from Undertaker from the top of the Hell in a Cell... he is literally the toughest.

Bernie Madoff was weirdly tough for living with the mental burden of his fraud for years

Bernie Madoff. Weirdly tough. Having to live with just the fact that you're a complete fraud and it's gonna be found out one day. Mentally. He's gotta be tough.

Raider DNA is genetic and cannot be converted to

It's genetic. So you have it. It's either you got it or you don't. You what I mean's no Raiders conversion... sometimes I know we're in California right now, so you can Very Hollywood around. I was waiting for your blink. I saw a little twitching in the eyebrow [at the hosts].

The 2007 Patriots were likely the best team of all time despite their Super Bowl loss

Man, listen, we just went toe to toe with probably the best team of all time. And I still think probably the best team of all time, regardless that they didn't win the Super Bowl.

You only need grit when you are competing, not 24/7

I think it's all about where you are... If you are between the lines in the Galen Center, you gotta have grit, you know, and then maybe tonight at the Manhattan Beach Pier, you don't really need the grit know. And so it's a, it's all about your environment and where you're at at the time. You know, but you don't need grit 24 7. Right. You just need it when you're competing.

A basketball roster needs exactly three moxie guys and the rest grit guys to win

I don't think you can have a lot of moxie guys. Okay. So I would say moxie guys three. Okay. Right. And the rest grit. Yeah. And then you're gonna win. I think that's right because If you have too many moxie guys. Everyone, there's only one ball.

The Chargers' new training facility is worth at least five wins per season

Chargers training camp was awesome today... I think that building is worth five wins at least just on building alone for the Chargers.

Noah Lyles' 100m gold medal win officially puts him on the Mount Rushmore of track and field

Noah Lyles... won the 100 meters... I'm envisioning myself returning home as a gold medalist and that puts me on Mount Rushmore.

Djokovic is the undisputed GOAT of tennis after winning Olympic gold

Djokovic is the goat. One gold big deal. On Clay beating Nadal. Beat, beat the whole country of Spain.

The 4x100m relay is the one Olympic event Team USA should always dominate

I feel like for as long as I've been an adult person watching the Olympics, we always dominate the four by 100... that's our thing, that we should dominate that. It's sad to see [the loss].

Any NFL Top 100 list that doesn't have Patrick Mahomes at number one is insane

Tyreek Hill was named number one NFL player... And Patrick Mahomes is number four... I don't understand this list... You can't have a top 100 list of NFL players and not have Patrick Mahomes number one. Correct. Right now Mahomes should be number one.

Nothing makes you feel more like a man than winning an away game in terrible weather

To overcome an opponent, overcome them in their stadium and to overcome them in their stadium with the elements, then I would say Yeah. There's nothing that would make you feel more like a man than that.

Joe Hortiz is the best talent evaluator in football

Joe Hortiz, my brother said, I would love Joe... He undersold it, he undersold it. I, I, I, he's the one of the best evaluators in the game. I don't think there's anybody better after going through this off season in draft with Joe Hortiz.

Attacking each day with enthusiasm unknown to mankind is the 'SpongeBob' way of life

When you talk about attacking each day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind. Yeah, that's SpongeBob. And it's unknown to mankind, you know? It's not of mankind. It's sponge.

Success in the NFL is 100% about having the best players; coaching is secondary

It's only because you have good players. I mean, there is no good coaches with bad players. I mean, it's all about the players... you gotta coach 'em better, or you gotta [acquire] better players... you can't be a good coach without great players.

I wish I were still young enough to have wet dreams because they were like awesome virtual reality

Having a wet dream... I wish those rocked. It was basically virtual reality and it was awesome. But you can't do it anymore... I haven't had a wet dream since I was 12 years old.

It is unpatriotic to take the under on the NFL Hall of Fame game

So great to hear the music. So great to bet the over, which I'm probably gonna lose, but I'm gonna take it anyways because it's unpatriotic to take the under on the Hall of Fame game.

Roger Goodell's push for guardian caps is a calculated move to blame players for safety issues later when the league pushes for a 19-game season

I think Roger Goodell was like, tell you what, in the effort of player safety, I will allow you to wear a giant helmet that makes you look like a clown. And no one's gonna do it. And then Roger Goodell could be like, oh, I gave them the option of wearing the big red clown nose on their face. But they chose not to do it. I guess they don't care about player safety. Let's do 19 games.

Simone Biles is such a great athlete that she could probably dunk on a regulation 10-foot rim

Our gymnastics team dominated again. Simone Biles is the GOAT... I think KD even said that she thinks, he thinks that Simone Biles could take an Alley-OOP, like she could dunk on a 10 foot rim.

Imane Khelif should be allowed to compete in women's boxing despite the testosterone controversy

From my limited reading, she was born a female and identify as a female. Just because she has some extra testosterone doesn't mean she shouldn't be fighting other females.

Paul Walter Hauser should play Andy Reid in a movie about the coach's life

One [project] would be him [Paul Walter Hauser] playing Andy Reid in the Andy Reid story. I think he'd crush that.

The 'Dynasty' documentary was a slanted propaganda piece designed to get Robert Kraft more credit

It was basically Robert Kraft being like, I need more credit for everything that's happened... they slanted it so hard against Belichick that everyone who has watched the Patriots the last 20 years was like, this is not how it happened. I think it actually hurt him.

The 'Dynasty' documentary was an accurate, high-quality sports film that did not manipulate viewers

I haven't talked to a lot of people that are like, I don't know, like, I think we got manipulated a little bit... it was so well done. It's like a hundred percent rotten tomatoes watching it... I think it leaves people with the impression that that is how it was.

The Mount Rushmore of Boston athletes is Bill Russell, Tom Brady, David Ortiz, and Bobby Orr

So I would probably go Tom, Poppy, Bobby Orr, Bill Russell. That's a strong four. ... I think a lot of people would say Ted Williams. ... [But] how do you not put Bill Russell on that Mount Rushmore? You never see that again.

The Academy Awards should be voted on 20 years after the movies come out to accurately gauge which ones truly lasted

The real best way to do it is to do the awards like 20 years after the movies come out. ... There's no spin, there's no, it's like I still watch that movie. I still love that movie. That was the best movie of 2004. It would be a more accurate gauge of whether a movie really works.

The rat at the end of 'The Departed' symbolizes the main character's past and the social ladder he was trying to climb

The writer had in the script... the idea of me, of me kind of climbing the social ladder. And now I find myself in this old brownstone, but there's still a rat that you, that rat comes across and it's, it's his past. It's the thing... it's meant to symbolize all that stuff.

The NFL should implement a rule where players can only play 16 games in an 18-game season

18 game season, every player can only play a maximum of 16 games. I like it in theory because it just, it's chaos. It's a wrinkle, would be strategery would be awesome, but... I liked it at first and then I thought I definitely would get fucked because I'd bet a line on Monday and then they'd be like, 'this is the game we're throwing.'

Bluey is an actual drug for children

I had no idea what a drug Bluey was for kids. Oh yeah. But I had, there was a friend that came into town, their 5-year-old stay with us and the kid was like jumping all over... I turn on Bluey and it's like hypnotized. Bluey is a drug for kids. For sure.