Takes

Steve Kerr is a piece of shit for not playing Jason Tatum

Steve Kerr is a piece of shit. That's, that's really what this all boils down to. Jason Tatum did have a better plus minus than Joel Embiid. So there's that.

Steve Kerr is benching Jayson Tatum to sabotage the Celtics' team chemistry

Maybe Steve Kerr is trying to stop the dynasty before it starts. It would be awesome if Steve Kerr was just trying to fuck with the Celtics' chemistry right now and just piss off their star player.

Jason Tatum's clip of him chewing gum on the bench is an Aura clip

The clip of [Jason Tatum] shaking his head and chewing the gum on the bench is like, that's an Aura clip. When he fucking drops 60 on Steve Kerr's dumbass face next year. Aura.

Having Rafael Nadal carry the Olympic torch in Paris was 'cucked' behavior by France

Maybe the most cucked behavior that I've ever seen to have one of your country's rivals [Rafael Nadal] as like a prominent figure at the very end. I guess because he is like, always wins the French Open. He just wins the French Open... He is kind of like part of French history.

Michael Phelps ruined swimming for me because he was too dominant

Michael Phelps ruined swimming for me personally. Because he was so goddamn dominant that, and it happened so recently that I'm watching swimming and I'm like, well, Phelps would've beaten all these guys.

I would have been a baseball player if my dad hadn't been fired at Washington State

If he [Jack Elway]... went for the job because he graduated from Washington State... and he was the runner up for the job. And thank god he didn't get that job. Otherwise I'd probably been a baseball player. Because the high school [in Pullman] ran the single wing. And so it would've never been exposed to what I got exposed to when we went down to Southern California in football.

You have to have a quarterback who can win from the pocket to win Super Bowls

To win Super Bowls, you have to have a quarterback that can win it from the pocket. You gotta be able to have the guys that can win it from the pocket because they're too good. I think that, you know, when you think about quarterbacks, I still believe you gotta win it from the pocket.

Mike Shanahan was the best coach I ever played for because he never let us exhale

Mike [Shanahan] was the best coach I ever played for, because I had a great rapport with him also, but loved what he did offensively, but also the expectations that he had of us made us have the expectations of us too. He was tough. The expectations, it was never enough. He never let us exhale. It was always, we gotta play better next week.

Nutty Bars are a top-tier snack pick

Gonna go with Nutty Bars. Love them. Love them. Yeah. You know that You'll get my vote on that. It's a solid pick.

Doritos are the best snack

I will go with Doritos. Cool Ranch Doritos are my favorite. Doritos are the best. They really are the best.

Jaylen Brown has an aura rating of +1000

Jalen Brown actually has overflow of aura. He's got, he's got aura. He actually has overflow of aura—plus a thousand aura.

Jayson Tatum's aura rating is currently -650

If you were to do like statistics on Jayson Tatum's Aura? I'd say he is like negative six 50.

Clutch performance is a real and verifiable factor in sports

Clutch 100% exists. Like there's no way to explain how some people are just better and like rise to the occasion and other people don't.

The Yankees should extend Aaron Boone to show the clubhouse they believe in him

I think that you have to give Aaron Boone an extension and show that you believe in him. And then the rest of the clubhouse is gonna truly believe in him too. Then you'll be fine.

You would choose pizza over donuts for the rest of your life because you can't eat donuts every day

If it's pizza or donuts for the rest of your life, you'd have to take pizza. Like, I'm just being honest, like I love donuts, but you can't eat donuts every day. You could eat pizza almost every day.

Pie is vastly superior to cake as a dessert

I'm more of a pie guy than I'm a cake guy. I think pie clears cake all day. Birthday cake. Pretty decent pie. Vastly superior.

Ice cream is vastly superior to cake for birthday celebrations

Ice cream is better than cake. Why don't they just do ice cream at every birthday? No, they do cake way more than ice cream at a birthday. [Ice cream] is better.

The tennis ball is the most versatile ball for individual use

Tennis balls I think are more versatile than a baseball or a golf ball. If you had the option to be left alone with a tennis ball, a golf ball or baseball... it's tennis ball all day. You throw it against the wall, bounce it off the ground, throw it up to yourself.

A bowl is a perfect delivery vessel because you never have a bad meal served in one

There's nothing really that you have a bad bowl of. You know what I mean? When you're getting, when you're getting a bowl out, you're getting just good. It's like soup, ice cream. Cereal. A bowl delivers great things.

Catching is a miserable position, especially for players over 6'4"

Catching fucking sucked. I'm six five... I did not even like catching. You're always getting second guessed by the pitching coach and if somebody hits a home run, it's your fault. Stand out in the outfield and picking daisies that sort of thing is more my style. Save your knees and your back. I caught over a hundred games four years in a row in the minor leagues. It's terrible.

The Mets are a fundamentally confusing and failing franchise

The Mets do things sometimes that I think would probably fall under [hating each other], you know, but they're the fucking Mets. So that's just what happens. I just don't, I don't get their franchise at all. I played the East for too long and played against them. They just suck.

Clubhouse chemistry matters more than individual talent for winning championships

I think the Yankees have proved you can have all the best players, but If, you don't have the chemistry. It doesn't matter. You know, you gotta, you gotta gimme a, gimme a, a group of guys that might not be the best players, but they get along and they're all moving in the right direction and we'll go win.

MLB is losing fans because hitters no longer prioritize batting average

The game's changed... now it's like everyone's throwing a hundred and wearing oven mitts. No one hits for average. I don't know, it's the game cycles through these things... but it is weird that batting averages have plummeted. I feel like we're losing fans [because of it].

Xander Schauffele's black Adidas shoes look like server shoes and make him look slow

The all black shoes are tough because you kind of look like a server. Like you look like you're gonna ha pass me some like bacon wrap scallops. I'm telling you, you look slow. White shoes look faster.

Taking a long time to poop is a masculine dad move

I actually kind of feel like this is like my first, like I'm feel like a masculine dad because I feel like that's a very big dad move for the all the kids in the house to be like, yeah. Dad goes and takes long shits. Being like, I'm going to the shit or I'll be back in three hours.

Jordan Love's training camp hold-in is one of the most selfish things a player has ever done

Jordan Love is the first player to do this. And it's disgusting. This is one of the most selfish things I've ever seen a player do... he's not going to practice with his team until he gets his new contract.

Aaron Rodgers is currently less of a diva than Jordan Love

Is Aaron Rodgers less of a diva than Jordan Love? Aaron Rodgers at Training Camp, Jordan Love is not a training camp.

Donald Trump is a very impressive golfer for his age

Stick to sports. But he is a very good golfer. He did the video with Bryson [DeChambeau] and he, he was impressive... with like if you or I or PFT was playing with Bryson. It's doubtful that we would be have his [score].

Waffles are superior to pancakes in every way

I'm going to go waffles. Love waffles. Superior to pancakes in every way. Waffles versatile. You can go sweet... or you can go savory. The nooks and crannies make it.

Breakfast burritos are better than breakfast tacos outside of Austin

In Austin, you are correct [that tacos are better]. But the rest of the country breakfast burrito is always better than a breakfast taco. Where have you had a good breakfast taco outside of Austin? Breakfast tacos are good, but they're like a, they're a treat for like certain parts of the country.

The Taco Bell Breakfast Crunchwrap is the best fast food item in the entire world

This is my, maybe my favorite item that you can purchase at a fast food restaurant in the entire world. The Taco Bell Breakfast Crunchwrap. It is so fucking good. I want, I'm gonna order one tomorrow.

Cold pizza is an elite breakfast food

I think it's an elite breakfast: cold slice of pizza. So good. It's zero calorie. Tastes great. Just put a little hot sauce on it. Yeah, it's great. I love, I love having pizza for breakfast.

Xander Schauffele had a better year than Scottie Scheffler

Xander is now—I like, you can't say that Xander hasn't had a better [year]. I know Scotty has all these wins on the tour. Two majors to one. That's it. Xander had the better year.

Joe Biden's exit from the 2024 race is the political version of a coach being fired after making the tournament

The whole Biden thing. Is he—he now is just that coach who got fired at Long Beach State and then made the tournament. That's what's happening. He's going to ride it out. He's going to coach the bowl game.

Joe Biden's political situation is identical to a backup quarterback entering a game

It is kind of like the backup quarterback situation. Kamala, are you really ready to see Trevor Siemian start? Let's go until he steps up and then throws three picks in the first half and you're like, 'fuck, I kind of miss Zach Wilson.'

Gelato is the superior form of frozen treat

I'm gonna go gelato one, then I'm gonna go soft serve two, then ice cream, then frozen yogurt. Every day, every single day, if I'm out of the office, if I'm in a different city, you bet your sweet ass I'm getting gelato there.

Frozen yogurt is the Brock Purdy of ice creams

I would say frozen yogurt is the Brock Purdy of ice creams. You can win with it. Where ideally would you take it number one? Probably not. But you get all the great toppings on it and it becomes great.

Major League Baseball is actively suppressing local investment to force the A's to Las Vegas

Major League Baseball has allegedly been telling [Oakland investors] that they're not allowed to talk about their interest because they want the A's to move to Vegas so badly. Major League Baseball is saying don't talk about it publicly... If you do, we're going to prevent you from investing in any other teams in the future. It just stinks to high heaven.

Arikke Ogunbowale and the rookie class proved Team USA made a mistake leaving them off the Olympic roster

Arikke [Ogunbowale]... 34 points, six assists, eight from 13 from three. And she should have been on the team, very much should have been. [Caitlin Clark] got picked up full court by Kelsey Plum, face guarded her, and still got past her and threw a dime. Team USA like took it personally.

Patrick Mahomes is the 'animal' I would most like to be

I would like to be Patrick Mahomes. Humans are animals. Scientifically, they are, they literally are animals. If you could pick any animal to be, Patrick Mahomes would be a pretty fucking sick animal to be.

The Egyptian pyramids are much older than conventional history suggests

I'm wearing the Graham Hancock camp as far as like that the age of those structures is much older than they tell us. I'd like—I mean he talks a lot about the Younger Dryas and going back 10,800 years I believe it is. And to me that seems more in line.

Politics in the US is a sham where nothing ever changes

Politics I've said from the beginning is an absolute sham. Life doesn't actually get better for any of us, whether it's a Republican or a Democrat. And we're still just doing the same fucking two party system and not letting Bobby [Kennedy] get in or anybody else.

The US should have a 70 or 75-year-old age limit for political office

But just some common sense politics. Let's not let anybody over 75—the Packers have a rule, 70, you gotta retire. You go into a board of directors, it's 70, you gotta retire. That seems to make pretty good sense.

The New York media is unethical and prioritizes control

The media in general is scared of people that they can't control. Because they built this brand that can't be controlled. I would say the majority of them too are so unethical. The practices now is just a fucking joke.

Joel Embiid believes the current LeBron James is not the same as the dominant version from years ago

The LeBron now is not the LeBron that was a couple of years ago. So it's a big difference. Everybody would also tell you, and you can see for yourself, the athletic LeBron dominant that he was a couple years ago is not the same that he is now.

I'm 'too fat' to go by Matt, so use Matthew instead

I'd prefer Matthew. I think I'm a little too fat for Matt. I think Matt's, you know, last six months, they've probably gotten laid.

I'm officially 'washed' after struggling in the home run derby

Tuesday night we hit dingers... but I think I'm officially, officially washed because... I was halfway through the whole competition and I looked at the leaderboard and it was like me, Titus, Chief, Brandon... every guy who's 37 plus. I was maxing out everything I had and it wasn't that good.

LeBron James is only the 10th best basketball player in the world right now

We're gonna start with number 10. The old man himself. The man who's done it before and he'll do it again. LeBron James.

Kyrie Irving is the best ball handler in the world

Number eight, a guy who arguably maybe shouldn't be on this list... but he's probably the best ball handler in the world. Magical. Some say Kyrie Irving.

A'ja Wilson is as much better than the second best WNBA player as Patrick Mahomes is compared to other QBs in the playoffs

The gap [between A'ja Wilson and the second best woman] is as long as, as strong as, as big as Patrick Mahomes to the second best quarterback in football during the playoffs. Specifically the playoffs.