Takes

There are only two tiers of NFL quarterbacks: those who suck and those who can win a Super Bowl

NFL quarterback situation, there's no tiers. There's no elite and non-elite. It's just either you suck or you can win a Super Bowl. And Jameis Winston will, in my estimation, will ever be a really good sucky quarterback.

Rooting against Tony Romo in the broadcast booth is as fun as rooting against him on the field

Rooting against [Tony Romo] in the booth is actually becoming as fun as rooting against him on the field was. He's like, now this could be a screen here. In my head, I'm like, throw the fucking ball deep.

John Lackey is the alpha of the Cubs clubhouse

Who's the alpha on the Cubs right now? [John] Lackey. I would say... This dude's an absolute animal... He's going to be pissed [if he doesn't make the postseason rotation], and rightfully so.

The World Series hangover is a real psychological and physical phenomenon for players

I think what you're seeing in baseball with the Cleveland Indians and the Chicago Cubs... is that the World Series hangover is for real, and these guys needed a little bit of an all-star break and now have hit their stride... It's as much mental as physical.

Philadelphia Phillies fans are the worst in baseball to play against

[Worst city fan-wise?] Philly. That wasn't even a hesitation. They get on you with a hatred... Literally wanting to like anger in the face. Like they mean it... I really like I want to fight you right now.

Teams should not shift their defense when they have a large lead

If the game's out of hand, do you still let them bunt? You shouldn't shift. You're taking away half the field for me... I'll stop trying to get a hit as soon as you stop trying to defend a whole side of the field... If you're up 9-1 and you're shifting, that's a dick move.

Andy Reid is the second-best coach in the NFL right now

Andy Reid is the second best coach in the NFL right now. Agreed. Agreed. It is crazy. We did this. We actually talked about this off air... Andy Reid behind Bill Belichick is the second best coach.

The LSU Athletic Director should be on the hot seat instead of Coach O

My hot seat, a lot of people are calling for Coach O to be on the hot seat. Nope. But read an article by Tom Fornelli... The athletic director is the one that should be squarely on the hot seat.

High school is useless and you don't learn anything you use as an adult

I'm kind of in agreement with [LaVar Ball] because who needs high school? Name one thing that you learned in high school that you used today. That's what I thought. No. You don't learn shit in high school.

The NFC North is currently the 'Division of Quarterbacks' in the NFL

My other cool throne is names. Speaking of quarterbacks, cool throne... NFC North quarterbacks because that is officially the division of quarterbacks. Mitch Trubisky is going to start for the Bears... Matthew Stafford, Dark Horse MVP, Aaron Rodgers, Super Bowl winner, and Sam Bradford.

Bryce Harper's 'dick' reputation is just a byproduct of him playing hard with flair

The way he plays the game, he's playing the game hard and he's going out there and competing. And he competes with a little flair. And sometimes that can rub people the wrong way. But when you have those guys on your team... you love those guys in your team because you like the guys that play the game that way.

I hate the new NBA All-Star Game captain draft format

They're now making the all-star game where two captains pick the teams, which I fucking hate. I hate when they do this. My brain can't figure it out. I can't figure this shit out when you switch it all, when you swap it all off. They did it with the Pro Bowl, and Pro Bowl's never been the same.

Dabo Swinney is Millennial Nick Saban

Dabo Swinney has become basically like Nick Saban with higher T... Dabo Swinney has yet to hit his prime football guy years. Dabo is millennial Nick Saban. That's it. He's Nick Saban with a smartphone.

The Bears would have won the Super Bowl if Jay Cutler hadn't been injured in the 2010 NFC Championship

I wish when we were there, when we went to NFC Championship and we lost... Would have won a Super Bowl if Jay [Cutler] didn't hurt his knee. Fact.

Odell Beckham Jr. is the new J.J. Watt of milking injuries for attention

Odell might be the new J.J. Watt in terms of always being injured and showing how he's in. He has the injuries that he then plays through those injuries. Kind of a Tiger Woods thing... oh, my finger. Wow, let's do a million sideline reports on my finger while I keep playing.

Hobbies are red flags for men; you should only play video games or watch sports

If a man has a hobby, that's just a red flag. Hobbies are red flags always and forever. You either play video games or you watch sports. That's how men do it.

Tony Romo misses almost all of his in-game predictions

He gets a lot of predictions wrong. That's the one thing that they've said about Tony that he's really good at is making predictions, but they don't talk about how he misses almost all of them.

Tony Romo talks too much and doesn't let the game breathe

If you think Tony Romo is revolutionizing broadcasting and the greatest thing ever, you're just straight up not listening to him talk over Jim Nantz. ... I want to watch, let the game breathe. Tony Romo's like, he's down my fucking throat the whole game.

Kentucky fans will eventually miss hating Rick Pitino

I think Kentucky fans are going to miss Rick Pitino. Hating Rick Pitino was awesome. He was the perfect villain. And I actually think I'm going to miss him.

Kirk Cousins respects the media biz to get them on his side against Dan Snyder

All-time biz respecter move by Kirk here. He's basically got flashcards for the reporters... He is doing it, I would expect, to get the media on his side. So he's like, all right, if I get the media on my side, then I'll basically be able to strong arm Dan Snyder.

LA is a bad football city because they don't know who Boltman is

Seriously, this is a perfect example of how L.A. is just, you can't have a football team in L.A. How do you not know Boltman? He's fucking Boltman. Like, it's pretty clear that it's Boltman. And you can't ask Boltman to take off his helmet.

Coach K cheated in the 2015 National Championship game by pressuring referees at halftime

In the 2015 National Championship game against Wisconsin, Wisconsin was dominating the game, and at halftime, Coach K went and talked to the refs, and they called 13 fouls against Wisconsin in the second half, even though they averaged 12 fouls a game, so he obviously was cheating.

Twitter's 280-character limit will ruin threads and make the app unbearable

Twitter has announced that the app that everyone loves and can't make any money has announced they're going to make everyone read more. So 280 characters... I might not be able to be on Twitter anymore. That's so much reading. They just doubled their product. And they just ruined threads.

Warren Moon is the best quarterback I ever played with and it's not even close

Warren Moon. It's not even close. Really? Warren Moon. We played two seasons together. I had 244 catches and 24 touchdowns in only two years.

Randy Moss is the most talented wide receiver that has ever played the game

I knew he was probably the most talented wide receiver that's ever played the game. Because he was that rare. But all the other things in his football brain is what knew that, man, this kid is really, really special.

The NFL product suffers in September because the CBA limits padded practices

When they changed the collective bargain agreement... the player's like, okay, we want to practice less. All right, we'll grant you that. It's affected the product, all right? Because you can't have the few number of padded practices and train people how to play in the NFL. It's not going to work, so the product will suffer the first month of the season.

Joe Flacco is not elite overall but has elite moments that elevate his team

Elite? Right on the border... In the pressure moments, can a guy rise up and elevate his team to the elite level? ... Joe Flacco not elite anymore but was once elite. No, no, no. Has elite moments. And raise his team to an elite level. Get it right.

Colin Kaepernick doesn't have the personality to effectively verbalize his cause

I just don't think he has the personality. I think that it's very, very rare that you see someone take such a prominent position on something that's really profound and not really necessarily have the personality that would allow them to be able to verbalize it... when you can't communicate with the general public of what your cause is and your reasoning, it's not going to endear people to what you're trying to say.

Colin Kaepernick is a starting-level upgrade for 4 to 5 NFL teams right now

How many teams in the league right now do you think he would be an upgrade for at the starting quarterback position? Well, you can go through them. At least four or five. I mean, you don't have to leave New York. I mean, Josh McCown. I mean, my goodness.

Every professional athlete needs a 'common sense guy' in their crew to keep them out of trouble

Out of your crew, have one guy that's got some common sense... you need a tech guy. You need a driver. One guy to do the troll accounts. Social media.

Michael Beasley knows too much and is officially 'too woke'

Michael Beasley, I'm following him officially in the category of knows too much... We finally figured out 12% is the point where you reach too woke.

Ben Roethlisberger has the worst body in America

Big Ben, as the crow flies, has probably the worst body in general of anyone in America. Name me anybody with a shittier body.

Iowa and Wisconsin football programs only exist to have their hearts ripped out

Iowa and Wisconsin are both very similar in college but they just live to get crushed. It's like there's just moments in between getting your heart ripped out. So there's no real, like, excitement otherwise.

I would definitely win a 3-on-1 fight against Siciliano, Rapoport, and Schefter

Take me down? Or, like, what do you mean? Murder you. Yeah... No. Absolutely not. I don't know what he's smoking... I am being cocky. I would still kill him.

Thursday Night Football is where real football gets played

I'm saying suck it because we have long said Thursday night football is where real football gets played. Yeah, it might be. You might get the Bengals and the Texans scoring no touchdowns. But you also might get a Brian Hoyer and Jared Goff shootout.

You are a fake fan if you don't watch Thursday Night Football because of a 'bad' matchup

If you're the kind of fan that doesn't watch Thursday Night Football because you've got work tomorrow morning or it's between two of the worst teams of the past 25 years or some other excuse like that, guess what? You're a fake fan. Fake. Fraud. Shame.

Kirk Cousins owes Sean McVay and Kyle Shanahan half his salary for making him look adequate

Honestly, Kirk Cousins owes both of those coaches probably half of his salary. That's how you knew both of those coaches were good is that they were able to make Kirk look adequate at times.

The NBA is better than any other league at staying relevant through drama during the off-season

The best thing about the NBA is they have done a great job of never having it end. So as soon as the NBA season ends, then you have the draft... free agency starts... summer league... then Kyrie demands a trade... it's a soap opera. It is the best.

Michael Jordan is the GOAT, followed by LeBron, Kareem, Tim Duncan, and Magic Johnson

I'll go MJ 1. I'll go LeBron 2—still counting, though... Then at three, I would go Kareem. Four, I would go probably Tim. Then five, I would go Magic. Magic and Kobe are really, really close.

Magic Johnson is the face of the Lakers and the best Laker of all time over Kobe Bryant

I would still say Magic is the face of the Lakers. I think from a personality standpoint and just generationally, like Kobe was amazing what he was able to do... but I would still say Magic is the face of the Lakers.

Listening to Tim Tebow speak for years is enough to fuck up a guy's brain

What about the fact that he [Hernandez] had to listen to Tim Tebow speak for like a couple years? That's got to fuck up a guy's brain, let's just say. Maybe start figuring out where this could come from, and we'll buy into this whole CTE stuff that you're selling us.

Tom Brady never dated Ivanka Trump because her vagina is too acidic for his diet

The female vagina, the pH levels of it, 3.5 to 4.5. It's acidic like a tomato. No chance Tom Brady eats it. Like a glass of orange juice. No chance. Inflammation city if you touch that thing. Ass, I didn't know, so I checked ass. Ass is actually more pH neutral. So he could have eaten her ass.

Playmakers is the greatest television show of any generation

It was basically ballers before ballers, but it was like rated R ballers. And it was like every stereotype about the NFL just on steroids... We're watching Playmakers from start to finish. Fuck ballers. That's JV shit. We're watching Playmakers from start to finish.

Kevin Durant is an internet troll and a disturbed individual

[Kevin Durant] is an internet troll, but I think more important than that, he is a disturbed individual. And this most recent spur of activity that he's been doing from getting caught responding to himself to his apologies that he's been issuing... I've swung 360 degrees.

I am firmly anti-Tony Romo as a broadcaster because he provides too many spoilers

I'm fucking sick of everyone saying how great Tony Romo is... It's impressive that he calls plays, but I don't really want to know what's coming. It's a spoiler. He's literally doing in real time spoilers right in my face. And everyone's like, Tony Romo, such a breath of fresh air. I am firmly in the anti-Tony Romo until people just cool down a little about it.

LeBron James is the best player of our generation

LeBron to me is the best player of our generation. LeBron is the best player that I've ever played against so over my 17 years in this league. But it's weird because he is the best player I've ever played with. I played with Tim Duncan, I played with Jason Kidd... I've seen Tim do some absurd shit. Jay Kidd I got to see every day... but LeBron is the best.

Steph Curry's comments about the Cavs' locker room smelling like champagne were disrespectful

That's why Steph made those comments about, 'oh, I hope their locker room still smells like champagne.' He said that after they won the first championship and they beat Cleveland in game six. And it was kind of a shot. It's a little disrespectful to say that. I love Steph, I don't know if he meant it to be really disrespectful, but yeah, you say that, it's like, 'hey, it was a good win.'

NBA players are unfairly criticized for moving teams compared to teams trading players

Kairi [Kyrie], what Boston did to Isaiah [Thomas], you know, it's just a part of our job... and yes it personally connected and it hurts at times. But when players decide to leave in free agency, it's 'let's burn a jersey.' No, this guy we gave you... when KD decided to go and do what he wanted to do with Golden State... we aren't allowed to do it without being criticized. But team can trade the players. They can play chess with us as much as they want.

Jason Garrett is only the Cowboys coach because he never says no to Jerry Jones

I'm pretty sure that Jason Garrett is only in place because he doesn't say no to Jerry Jones. So Jerry Jones is actually calling all these plays. And Jason Garrett, he pets them after every game. He's like, 'Jimmy used to always talk back to me.'

Eli Manning has proven that luck exists in life

Eli Manning is so funny. His streak of consecutive games... it's just because he just goes down. He literally goes down every time that someone's even close to him, and that's why he gets to play every game... Eli has proven that luck exists in life. Some people are very, very lucky, and some people aren't. And he's a Manning.