Takes

Kent Sterling's take on Cubs fans being 'sluggish' for getting hit by foul balls is trash

Chicago Cubs will protect fans too stupid or sluggish to avoid foul balls by extending nets... This guy sucks. This guy is trash... He basically saying he wrote this entire article to brag that parents are capable of protecting kids because he did it once.

Michael Scott from 'The Office' definitely would have voted for Donald Trump because he likes a party and the rallies

Michael Scott definitely did. Just because he likes a party. He probably went to the rallies. He definitely would be a guy that would start like just a pro-Trump Twitter account and then he'd get famous based off that.

I am a personal servant to my dog Stella

I actually am a servant to Stella because every day I wake up and I give her food at the exact same time. And she goes back in bed and hangs out all day. And then I come home and I give her food again.

Orlando Magic GM John Hammond is a worse GM than Hitler

Worst GM in any sports history, including Hitler. Straight facts. Spot the lie.

Adolf Hitler would have been a Seattle Seahawks fan

Hitler, who do you think his team would be? I say it's the Seahawks, and let me tell you why. Because A, we know that his team is going to be easily swayed with things like candy, right? Marshawn Lynch loves Skittles.

Hitler would have been a Redskins fan because he'd see eye-to-eye with Dan Snyder, or a Cowboys fan because Jerry Jones puts stars on uniforms

I think without a doubt, he would have been a Redskins fan. He was so small that, ironically, he probably would have seen eye-to-eye with Dan Snyder... Maybe he might have pulled for the Cowboys, too. The Cowboys got an insane old guy running the team that likes to put stars on the side of their players' uniforms, so that seems like he'd be right up his alley.

Mike Ditka would have beaten Obama in a debate by pulling out a Super Bowl ring

To be a fly on the wall at those debates would have been all time. There's no way that Ditka loses. No chance at all. Obama starts talking about mumbo jumbo about how vouchers destroy inner city schools. And Ditka just pulls out a Super Bowl ring and sticks it in his face and lights a cigar. And maybe Mike Ditka would be president of the United States now.

Ditka's would-be supporters went on to root for Donald Trump

Instead, I guess he's got all of his supporters that would go on to root for Donald Trump after they had a stroke or something.