Dr. Phil, Jacoby Brissett, Mt Rushmore Of Area 51 Raiders And Meats

Sam Cassell would be the perfect athlete to storm Area 51 because the aliens would think he's one of them

My second one, I guess I'll go with Sam Cassell. Just because, you know, maybe if there is any type of, like, maybe these guys are like us, they'll see Sam Cassell and be like, all right, that's an ally.

Edwin Encarnacion hasn't earned his Yankees pinstripes yet because the team lost the game where he hit two home runs

Newly acquired Yankees, Edwin Encarnacion... He had two home runs and the MLB tweeted out that the parrot has earned his pinstripes. But they lost the game, and then home runs meant nothing. You can't earn your pinstripes until you stop getting paid from your former employer.

Meryl Streep is the all-time GOAT of passive-aggressive comments

Meryl Streep is coming in... Meryl Streep is wrecking people. She's so – her little passive-aggressive comments. She is the all-time goat when it comes to passive-aggressive comments.

Russell Wilson is definitely a Hall of Famer

Russell Wilson will be a Hall of Famer. Yes, he's a Hall of Famer.

The final season of Game of Thrones was actually awesome because it received 32 Emmy nominations

Game of Thrones because they led all TV shows with 32 Emmy nominations. That's actually the most all time. So the final season turns out it was awesome. So critically acclaimed. All you idiots that say that it sucked, you're wrong because Emmys matter more than your stupid opinion.

Fans building cup snakes at Wrigley Field are actually doing a favor to the recycling staff

We're talking about cup snakes where people are actually recycling. They're doing a favor to the Wrigley Field staff. They're collecting all the cups for them so they don't have to go around and get them after the game.

Next summer will be even hotter than this year's record-breaking summer

It's the hottest summer ever. That's a fact. Again, it'll be even hotter next year. Next summer.

You don't break habits, you only replace them with new behaviors

People think you break habits. You don't break habits. What you do is replace one behavior with a different behavior.

Cleveland fans felt personally rejected by LeBron James when he left for Miami

Number one need in all people is acceptance. Number one fear is rejection. [LeBron] rejected the cities. I'm out of here. So they all felt rejected. We're not good enough. You're leaving us. So that hurt. So they really had a love-hate relationship with him.

I would choose to cut off my pinky toe rather than go bald

The little toe doesn't do anything. I'm going to teach you a lesson, Dr. Phil. You ready for this? I would cut off my little toe rather than be bald. 100%. Not even a question.

The sky is actually flat

The sky is flat. The earth's not flat, the sky is. The sky's flat.

Footballs were never actually made of pigskin

Wilson football reached out to me about that and they explained that it was never pig skin, it was cow skin... I said, so now I was thinking to myself, now I should just go around and just start saying, like, let's go toss the cow skin around.

Big Baller Brand is failing because of government regulations

I don't know what the problem was, the big baller brand, because the business plan was solid. They had great spokespeople getting free advertisement all the time. And now they're just relegated to the discount rack at Kohl's. Well, not with all this regulation.

I am a personal servant to my dog Stella

I actually am a servant to Stella because every day I wake up and I give her food at the exact same time. And she goes back in bed and hangs out all day. And then I come home and I give her food again.

Mitch Trubisky being the 20th best quarterback in Madden with a 75 rating is fair

Trubisky was ranked the 20th best quarterback with a rating of 75. That's okay.