Mitch Trubisky being the 20th best quarterback in Madden with a 75 rating is fair

Trubisky was ranked the 20th best quarterback with a rating of 75. That's okay.

Dennis Rodman is a top pick to storm Area 51 because of his diplomatic experience in North Korea

My first pick, I'll just take Dennis Rodman because he went to North Korea. He can figure out diplomatic stuff. He will be able to talk to the aliens.

Sam Cassell would be the perfect athlete to storm Area 51 because the aliens would think he's one of them

My second one, I guess I'll go with Sam Cassell. Just because, you know, maybe if there is any type of, like, maybe these guys are like us, they'll see Sam Cassell and be like, all right, that's an ally.

I am a personal servant to my dog Stella

I actually am a servant to Stella because every day I wake up and I give her food at the exact same time. And she goes back in bed and hangs out all day. And then I come home and I give her food again.

Edwin Encarnacion hasn't earned his Yankees pinstripes yet because the team lost the game where he hit two home runs

Newly acquired Yankees, Edwin Encarnacion... He had two home runs and the MLB tweeted out that the parrot has earned his pinstripes. But they lost the game, and then home runs meant nothing. You can't earn your pinstripes until you stop getting paid from your former employer.

The final season of Game of Thrones was actually awesome because it received 32 Emmy nominations

Game of Thrones because they led all TV shows with 32 Emmy nominations. That's actually the most all time. So the final season turns out it was awesome. So critically acclaimed. All you idiots that say that it sucked, you're wrong because Emmys matter more than your stupid opinion.

Fans building cup snakes at Wrigley Field are actually doing a favor to the recycling staff

We're talking about cup snakes where people are actually recycling. They're doing a favor to the Wrigley Field staff. They're collecting all the cups for them so they don't have to go around and get them after the game.

People who leave hate comments online are 'keystroke bullies' who wouldn't say the same things to your face

There are those people that just sit in their mother's basement... find fault with other people and disparage the efforts of others. I call them keystroke bullies. And you know something? They would never say that to you in an elevator.

I never board a plane without looking the pilot in the eye to judge who is flying the aircraft

When I get on a plane, everybody gets on a plane and they just step on and turn right... I never do that. I get on and look left because I want to look at who's flying that airplane. Well, every single time I have never gotten on a plane that I didn't look the pilot in the eye.

We form our self-image by watching ourselves perform under pressure

We form our self-image by watching ourselves do what we do. So if you see yourself fold under pressure, then you attribute to yourself, I fold under pressure. But if you see yourself take the shot and make it, you go, hey, I held up under pressure.

The sky is actually flat

The sky is flat. The earth's not flat, the sky is. The sky's flat.

Footballs were never actually made of pigskin

Wilson football reached out to me about that and they explained that it was never pig skin, it was cow skin... I said, so now I was thinking to myself, now I should just go around and just start saying, like, let's go toss the cow skin around.

Big Baller Brand is failing because of government regulations

I don't know what the problem was, the big baller brand, because the business plan was solid. They had great spokespeople getting free advertisement all the time. And now they're just relegated to the discount rack at Kohl's. Well, not with all this regulation.