Takes

Roger Goodell punishing Josh Gordon by not letting him play for the Browns is actually doing him a favor

Telling a player that your punishment is that you don't have to play for the Cleveland Browns is probably a little bit misguided. So, like, hey, good for Josh. He doesn't have to be a Brown.

The NBA Eastern Conference is boring and predictable because of LeBron James

I haven't watched a single Eastern Conference game in full because it's so boring and it's so predictable and it's just going to be LeBron James ducking his head, driving to the hole... getting fouled, making the layup half the time, and the other time crying because he didn't get fouled.

Instagram Stories will kill Snapchat by the end of the summer

My hot seat is Snapchat. Instagram stories, specifically because of Boomerang, are taking over the streets. I think by the end of the summer, Snapchat's going to be, like, default.

Doc Rivers will be fired by the Los Angeles Clippers

My other hot seat is nepotism because I think that Doc Rivers is going to get fired.

The San Antonio Spurs are a tougher matchup for the Warriors than the Houston Rockets

I can't not put my money on the Spurs. They're just like that team that always finds a way to get wins. Not saying they're going to win, but to get a win for sure, I think I'd have to go Spurs.

The Washington Wizards are a tougher matchup for the Cavaliers than the Boston Celtics

If you were on the Cavs, which team would you less like to face... I'd say probably Wizards. John Wall is so tough in transition. Isaiah is great, but John Wall is just so tough in transition.

Lonzo Ball will have a target on his back in the NBA because of LeVar Ball

Anybody that gets hyped up that much, if you're the number one pick or your top pick that's doing a lot of talking, you're going to have a little bit of a target on your back for sure... there's like that extra unneeded motivation that other guys will have now.

The Celtics could beat the Cavaliers if LeBron James gets hurt

That's kind of what Hank said last week about the Celtics, that they could beat the Cavs if LeBron James got hurt. [Hank]: True.

The Capitals will win Game 6 and then lose the series in Game 7 in D.C.

The Caps are probably going to win on Monday night. Of course. And then they're going to lose on Wednesday night in D.C. In a brutal fashion.

John Daly's career has been awesome and if you think otherwise you're a hater

My favorite take is when people say, oh, what a shame, John Daly's career. He really could have had it all. John Daly has had it all. His career actually has been awesome. If you think otherwise, then you're just a hater.

The Volkswagen commercial with the grandmother and the ashes is fake and manipulative

Volkswagen... they're like, well, we'll just put a really sappy story where a bunch of kids cry and an old grandmother, and we'll put some Simon and Garfunkel behind it, and everyone will say, oh my God, Volkswagen, they're so nice. Don't fall for it.

Wade Davis is better than Aroldis Chapman if he can stay healthy

Wade Davis is better than Aroldis Chapman if he can stay healthy. And I know that's a big if... if he can stay healthy, he is probably the best closer in baseball.

If something is more expensive, that means it's better

If something's more expensive, that means it's better, right? Correct. Without a doubt. Like Fyre Fest tickets. That was the best concert of all time.

Never fight someone with an outie belly button or someone who wrestled in high school

Never fight someone who, two rules in life, never fight someone who wrestled in high school, never fight someone with an outie belly button. Those are two rules I live by right there.

Kelly Olynyk's face makes people want to punch him the moment he steps on the court

He's the kind of guy that steps on the court and everybody wants to punch him from the get-go. You're looking for an excuse. When Kelly Olynyk is on the court with you, you're taking any excuse that you can get to just punch him in the face.

Isaiah Thomas should get a gold tooth or no teeth at all to save money on mouthguards

I think [Isaiah Thomas] should go no teeth overall. Gold tooth. Save a shitload of money on mouthguards.

The Capitals will win Game 5 and 6 because they don't let their fans die that easily

I have a theory, and I told you this theory today. I think the Caps are going to win game five and six because the Capitals have that knack. They're not going to let their fans die that easy.

Classic Empire is bad value for the Kentucky Derby

He's going to be the favorite, and he might be the favorite, and he's not going to be worth the shorter price. [No bet on Classic Empire].

Hence is a strong value play at 20-1 for the Kentucky Derby

Whether it's muddy or whether it's not muddy, you want a horse that's got a good chance at a decent price. His name is Hence... He's going to be 20 to 1... Steve Asmussen has never won the Kentucky Derby, but he's one of the best trainers in America, and he's overdue.

You shouldn't have a holiday to celebrate defeating the French army because everyone does it

Basically, Mexico beat France in a battle... Everyone beats France in battles. You shouldn't have a holiday to celebrate defeating the French army. That's a participation trophy that you're giving yourself.

The Kentucky Derby is infringing on Chris Berman's 'Fastest Two Minutes' trademark

I just want to say a little cease and desist to the Kentucky Derby. They're infringing a little bit on our good friend Chris Berman's trademark of the fastest two minutes in sports.

Big Baller Brand shoes look like old guy catering shoes

They do look like old guy shoes. They've got that non-slip look to them like you might see in a crab restaurant. Actually, you know what? When you get a job as a caterer, they're like, everyone needs to wear shoes that look like this.

Jay Cutler would be a good broadcaster if he is self-deprecating

Jay Cutler's thinking about going in the booth. So I'm excited for it. I think if Jay is honest and self-deprecating... I actually think he'd be good.

You need 100,000 followers and a blue checkmark to officially be an 'Instagram Model'

I'm going to say you need 100K... I think it used to be back in the day like 10K. These tea companies are wising up... 100K, I think that's when you can officially call yourself an Instagram model.

Isaiah Thomas might not be a great second-half player, but rather a terrible first-half player

I'm not ready to say that [Isaiah Thomas] is a great second-half player. I think he might just be a really shitty first-half player.

The Capitals deserve an asterisk if they win the Stanley Cup this year

Capitals, do whatever you got to do, asterisks. Rest of the playoffs, asterisk... If they win the cup, I want an asterisk.

Marc-Andre Fleury is a 'snowflake'

Now, on the other hand, you have Marc-Andre Fleury. He's a snowflake. That's why they call him Fleury, because he's a big snowflake, and he got iced up.

Alex Smith has had a long career of being, for the most part, shitty

He had a long career, and for the most part, he was shitty. [Alex Smith's] byline. That's Alex Smith's byline.

The Raptors have a 7% chance to beat the Cavaliers

I think they're going to muddy it up... Two over five. Seven percent chance.

The Warriors will miss Steve Kerr in the later rounds of the playoffs

Steve is the one who is able to sort of maestro all of that along. I think they will miss it in the later rounds as the competition gets tougher... it is a delicate thing over there.

The Matt Niskanen hit on Sidney Crosby was reactionary, not intentional

I think it was more of a reactionary thing from Niskanen, and Sid was kind of falling down as his stick got up... I just don't think that he's intentionally at all trying to get him in the face or the neck or the head.

Losing by four goals in the playoffs is better than losing in a heartbreaker

I would rather we lose the game by four goals than lose the game in a heartbreak or an overtime. That's demoralizing. Because now it's like you're a little bit embarrassed. You've got that chip on your shoulder in game three.

The Clippers must blow up their current core

Can we just be done with the Clippers as they currently are constructed? I don't know how they're going to blame it on Blake Griffin, but I'm sure they will. Doc Rivers, just stop. Just get out of here. Don't coach anymore. Chris Paul, go find another team.

The first few years after college are more fun than college itself

I think the first three or four years after you graduate can be more fun than college. Because you actually have money in your pocket. You have money in your pocket. You make real life friends. It's not just like, whoever was living on my hallway.

I would have hit 40 home runs in today's era with modern training

Do you think if you played right now and you had they had all the technology and how these guys train relentlessly... do you think you would have hit more home runs? Yeah. [Big Cat: 30 was your highest year... you'd say like mid-30s to 40 guy?] Oh, you know, I think it depends on what park you play in, too... Home run might have gone up.

Roger Goodell is embracing the heel role and is an ultimate villain

I really do think Roger Goodell has passed a certain point where he is starting to embrace the heel. [Big Cat: He wiped a booger on a handicapped child] that's super villain stuff that is the ultimate villain not because he embraced not because he was like oh i'm the super villain... he's just evil.

Mitchell Trubisky will be good for the Bears

I'm going to spin zone it real quick. I think [Mitchell Trubisky] is going to be good, okay? And he gets to learn behind Mike Glennon and Mark Sanchez... He actually had, I read this stat because I was digging deep trying to sell myself on this. I have 66% completion rate under pressure. Highest of any quarterback drafted in the first round.

I would come out of retirement to play for the Browns for $15-18 million

If Cleveland offered you, let's just say $15 million a year, are you coming back? Absolutely... 15 to 18 a year. I'll be back.

Deshaun Watson is the best quarterback in the 2017 draft class

I like Deshaun Watson. I think Deshaun Watson has proven he can play in big games... I think Deshaun Watson is probably number one.

Coach Orgeron will have a five to ten year reign of dominance at LSU

I think that this performance by LSU's draft picks, that's going to push Coach O's recruiting over the top. I'm going to predict a five to ten year reign of dominance for Coach O by [Leonard] Fournette and Jamal Adams.

If Rajon Rondo is the linchpin of the Bulls season, that is a big problem

I even hate even more is people saying, oh, well, if Rondo was still in this series, the Bulls win. Yeah, probably right. But if Rajon Rondo is like the linchpin for your whole fucking season, that's a big fucking problem.

The Capitals are fine and will beat the Penguins

I'm not pressing the panic button on the Caps. The Caps dominated that game. The only stat that didn't go in their favor is the score... I'm throwing the panic button out the window. I'm not going to press it... I'm not worried at all. No, if you watch the game, it was dominance by the Caps.

Backing the NFL Draft up an extra month was the smartest thing Roger Goodell ever did

The smartest thing Roger Goodell ever did was backing the draft up another month. That way you get so many more mock drafts and you get so many more takes in. And yes, you're right. The anticipation. I've been walking around with an erection for the last two weeks.

The Jaguars will win the 2017 NFL Draft with an A+ grade

The Jaguars won the draft. So I just want to call that right now. My post-draft grades, I don't know how 31 teams do. I know the Jags got an A+. This is the year that they're going to put it all together. They had a great draft.

The Bengals will draft a player with character issues in the 2017 NFL Draft

One is the Bengals are going to draft a guy with character issues. Even if the guy doesn't have character issues... We'll find a way to find a character. Oh, he used a blue pen in one of his blue book tests as a senior in college.

Mitchell Trubisky has a chance to start Week 1 for the team that drafts him

I mean, if you think about the rookies who will get picked this year, only, like, let's say the Browns take Trubisky. I think there's a chance he's their starter to open the season.

Tony Romo is finished playing football and will not return

Tony Romo really retired? All your sources... No chance. I would be stunned. But I was hearing he was going to retire in, like, November. He doesn't look like someone who's ready to jump back on the field.

The 2017 Capitals are a different team and will get past the Penguins

This is our year. The Capitals, it's a different team. Everyone knows it.

A sports dynasty requires at least three championships in one era

The rule I said, I threw out there was you have to have at least three championships in your Dynasty era. Two, that's a really good team. Three, you can now claim Dynasty.

The 1990s Atlanta Braves are a dynasty with an asterisk

The exception to this rule is if you play in a conference that you dominate for a long time but then keep getting your ass kicked in the finals. So I'll give you an example. I would say the Atlanta Braves 1990s team is a dynasty with an asterisk on it.