Takes

Wisconsin got screwed by the NCAA Tournament selection committee with an 8-seed

I am biased, but Wisconsin got fucked... they're an eight seed which I'm fine with because they haven't played well but Minnesota is a five seed and Wisconsin beat Minnesota two times this year.

Johnny Manziel is officially back and committed to a comeback after getting engaged

My who's back of the week is Johnny Football... Comeback season. He just got engaged to show that he's committed and he's making his comeback. So it seems like he's got everything going for him heading forward.

Stop talking about a Chicago Cubs dynasty; they've only won one World Series

Stop with this dynasty talk. Okay? The dynasty is happening. The dynasty is on. Red Sox fans became insufferable, and now it's the Cub fans... Just get in the tournament, win a game, and get back to me. You've never been in the tournament [Northwestern]. Do something.

Broadcasters should never bet on games they are announcing

I really gave up betting on games that I'm announcing... I would not recommend that any analyst or play-by-play guy do a game [they bet on] simply because it influences how you view the game and the athletes that are involved.

Russell Wilson acts like a seventh grader who is in love for the first time

This is the behavior of a seventh grader who's in love for the first time... I just don't understand why you have to tell the world constantly that you love your wife.

Both the Texans and the Browns won the Brock Osweiler trade, even though neither team got better

It's a rare trade where both teams I think both teams won this trade right but neither team got better right? It is a factual statement to say that the Browns, the Cleveland Browns, made a good trade that involved taking on Brock Osweiler in his contract which it sounds like they're going to cut him so it's just the contract but... both teams won.

I don't hate the Chicago Bears' three-year, $43 million contract for Mike Glennon

I don't want to say I predicted it, but I basically predicted it the whole way down to Ryan Pace seemingly negotiating against himself... Everyone flips out... i saw it was like 19 million guaranteed so it's probably a two-year contract they can probably let him go... so i don't really hate it and this is how this is step one of me talking myself into Mike Glennon.

Bill Belichick intentionally shifts the Patriots' one weakness every year so other teams can't catch up

I have a theory now that Belichick just makes sure he shifts what the Patriots' one weakness is every year so no team can catch up. You don't get the bulk on him.

Solar energy is the biggest no-brainer in the history of the world

Think of it as a solar. Solar energy is the biggest no-brainer in the history of the world. Are you kidding? It is so sunny out there. More solar energy hits the Earth every day... Every day. Don't whine. Don't complain. I'm choosing solar power.

Tim Tebow's performance in spring training proves he only knows how to contribute

He grounded into a double play, but he drove in a run... All Tim Tebow does is contribute. I think that's one of those things that you have to look at and be like, you know, this is one of these intangibles that we talk about.

We will at least triple our money betting on college basketball games in Las Vegas

Follow us tomorrow while we try to get rich... We're going to double at least, I'm going to say triple. Triple.

Kevin Durant is the real NBA MVP because the Warriors are struggling without him

But you forgot the dark horse, the guy who gets injured, and the team's not as good, Kevin Durant. When he gets his knee injury and everyone says, well, look at the Warriors now. They're 2-2 since he got injured. Maybe he's the MVP, even though he's not going to play the entire season.

James Harden's MVP argument is just that he isn't as terrible at defense as he used to be

Basically James Harden's whole argument is he's not as shitty at defense as he used to be. He tries a little bit on defense. Was he slow playing us this entire time? Like sitting and bagging us on defense and just waiting for a season to give half of a shit?

Kyle Shanahan is making a huge mistake by trading for Kirk Cousins as a first-year coach

Kyle Shanahan... Looks like he's going to trade for Kirk Cousins. Big mistake, Kyle. We as football guys, guys know the last thing you want to do if you're a new coach is get your guy in there day one. Because then you have no excuse. You have no backup plan.

David Stern is the most important man in the history of basketball

David Stern, the most important man in the history of all basketball. He's PFT's size. Little tiny guy over here in a world built for preschool children, right? But here's David Stern, who never shot a basket, but he brought the business acumen... to use the NBA to make the world a better place.

Lavar Ball is just the basketball version of Kris Jenner

That Lavar Ball is just the basketball Kris Jenner. I don't know what that means, but I'm into it. He is basically going to market his sons so relentlessly and throw them in our face.

Rugby is already huge in America

I'm going to take you one step further and say rugby is already huge in America. This was the, yeah, we're here. Get used to it.

Music and atmosphere in NBA arenas directly affects player rhythm and pace

It was like the sloppiest game ever, and that's not just because the Knicks are always sloppy, but it was like no one could get a rhythm... Then they put the music on in the second half, and the pace picked right up, and they almost hit the over... So it was clear that the music did actually affect the players.

Mitchell Trubisky changed his name to 'Mitchell' purely to avoid the 'Mitch the Bitch' nickname

I think he did that just simply so people can't say he's mitch the bitch which makes sense right

Kansas is the most consistent team in college basketball and my pick to win the tournament

I'm saying Kansas. See, I think Kansas is the most consistent team in the country. But if they get matched up against Purdue, I'll probably take Purdue in that ballgame. Because they have no inside presence.

Gonzaga will fail to reach the Final Four this year

Now I may lose a bet to Greenberg because I had a bet with Seth Greenberg before that they [Gonzaga] don't get the Final Four.

Mitch Trubisky screwed himself by measuring 6'2" because of Hue Jackson's arbitrary height cutoff

Hugh Jackson, his cutoff for quarterbacks, 6'2". So Mitch Trubisky kind of screwed himself. He should have slouched a little bit, hoping that he went at 6'1"... [Hue] just said, if the quarterback's not 6'2 or taller, I don't want him.

Andrew Bogut joined the Cavs out of pettiness to beat the Warriors

The question to Andrew Bogut is, is he petty enough that he wants to go play for the Cavs just for the shot to upset or to beat the Warriors in the finals as opposed to collecting the extra $3 million that he could have gotten if he had gone to the Rockets? And the answer apparently is yes.

The Chicago Bulls will beat the Warriors tonight on TNT and then lose to a bad team

They're going to beat the Warriors tonight. It's a home game on TNT on a Thursday night. The Bulls will beat the Warriors, and I will say the Bulls are back... and then they lose to some shitty-ass team.

Deron Williams was signed by the Cavs just so LeBron could have another person to blame

LeBron blames. Deron Williams is on his team. He missed a huge wide-open three against the Celtics... I think Deron Williams was signed with the Cavs just so LeBron could have another person to blame.

Northwestern basketball is annoying because journalists act like it's a plucky underdog story

Except for the fact that now we're going to get Greeny, Mike Wilbon, Rovell, all these fuckers shoving Northwestern plucky underdog down our throats. So I'm saying respect the fucking biz... We don't care about Northwestern basketball enough for you to tell us constantly.

It is officially the Washington Capitals' year to win the Stanley Cup

It is Wednesday, March 1st, and it is the Caps year... I'm even more irrationally confident now [after the Kevin Shattenkirk trade].

Kirk Cousins is the best quarterback that sucks

I think Kirk Cousins will perpetually be, is he good or not? Yes, he is the best quarterback that sucks.

The Chicago Bears are a total dumpster fire for failing to retain drafted players

If Alshon does go get signed by another team... you ready for the list of Bears players on the roster that were drafted before 2013? Okay, that was the full list... Just make sure all your draft picks fail miserably... what a dumpster fire.

The five-foul rule in college basketball is the dumbest rule in sports

Also, hot seat, the foul, five fouls in college. Everyone gets mad about that, including myself. I hate that rule. I think it's the dumbest thing ever.

The new Big East is the best league because it's a pure basketball league

It's the best league in college basketball. Those other leagues now, I think, are football leagues. And we are a pure basketball league.

Tim Tebow hitting home runs in batting practice proves he's a star

Is that an all-time record for home runs in batting practice? ... can he go deep? That's the question. ... He hit four home runs in five pitches. So there you go.

Paul Pierce was a loser before Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen arrived

Draymond came over the top today and said, people tend to forget that [Pierce] was struggling to get to the playoffs. He was on the trade block every year, then all of a sudden Ray Allen and KG showed up. Let's not forget that.

Jimmy Kimmel intentionally planned the La La Land / Moonlight Oscar mistake

Even if Jimmy Kimmel didn't plan this, which I think he did, he should be blamed for it for all the shitty Jimmy Kimmel pranks he did in the past.

The Oscars would be better if the celebrities were made gradually more uncomfortable

I would like to watch the Oscars a lot more if instead of treating the celebrities to things, they gradually made them more uncomfortable as the show went on. Like crank the heat up five degrees every hour or something like that. So they were just a big sweaty mess at the end.

John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins will eventually play together in the NBA

I actually think there's a decent – I think [John Wall] and [DeMarcus Cousins] will play together before they're done. They've been saying that for years.

The Washington Capitals are the Atlanta Falcons of the NHL

They're kind of like the Atlanta Falcons where their franchise has just never won it. The Falcons have been to two Super Bowls. I think the Capitals have been to one Stanley Cup. Basically, it's a franchise of failure. You know, they have this great regular season success. Everybody gets excited. And then when it comes to perform, they're a pop shot.

Baker Mayfield will get NFL starts solely because of his name

I'm going to put a little flyer on Baker Mayfield. You guys know I'm a big name guy. All-time name. That name is going to get him some starts in the NFL. It's going to get him some places. People are going to take some shots with Baker Mayfield solely because of his name and then be like, ooh, maybe he's not that good.

The Bulls front office members Gar Forman and John Paxson are morons for their trade deadline approach

The Bulls, my Bulls made a trade, and they're morons per usual. They're doing the old, we're trying to rebuild on the fly, which has never worked... Doug McDermott and Taj Gibson to the Thunder is not a Woj bomb. That's just a guard and Pax are fucking morons.

The Celtics will lose in the second round because they shoot too many threes and miss

I mean, I would have liked Butler or Paul George... They're rumored to get everyone, and they get no one... They're going to lose in the second round because they're going to shoot a million threes and miss.

Gonzaga will not lose another game before the NCAA tournament

No, they're not going to lose. They're not going to lose again. People are waiting to shit on Gonzaga so hard. Right. You know what? This is Gonzaga's year.

Chris Christie is a perfect fit for sports talk radio because he hates Philly and loves the Cowboys

Chris Christie has been reportedly mentioned for Mike Francesa's replacement... If you just say, hey, Philly sucks, it's like, bam, you're already hired. Loves Bruce Springsteen. Loves the Cowboys, too... Older white guy. Loves to eat. So this is – has he been a sports talk radio host his whole life?

The Warriors vs. Pelicans first-round series will be lame because Draymond Green will just punch Boogie Cousins in the dick

So what you're going end up seeing here is the Warriors taking on the Pelicans in the first round... I'm here to tell you that it's not [going to be awesome]. It's going to be lame. Draymond Green, all he does is punch people in the dick, and getting punched in the dick is real weakness in [Boogie Cousins'] game.

Jay Cutler and Matt Barkley are not franchise quarterbacks

Headline grab. Jay Cutler, not a franchise quarterback... Actually, no, I think you're actually talking about Matt Barkley, not a franchise quarterback. Breaking news.

Bear Weather is real and dome teams struggle to play in it

I disagree with [Singletary]. Now, when you say bear weather, when I think bear weather, I think, you know, one, two, zero degrees, wind chill... January, you get a team like the Atlanta Falcons... typically a dome team... It comes out there, and you can tell in a warm-up set. The wind's coming off the lake, and it just feels good.

Kyrie Irving's flat earth comments were just a headline grab or a prank on the media

[Kyrie Irving] was doing this for headlines. I can't decide if it's either a headline for the podcast... or if it was simply all the NBA players getting together and being like, let's prank the media, let's fuck with them.

Peyton Manning's success with multiple coaches gives him a valid argument over Tom Brady

Brady has had the luxury of being with, and I think this is not debatable, the greatest coach in the history of football... I know what Peyton Manning is away from the Colts or Tony Dungy. He's been to a Super Bowl with four different head coaches. He's won a Super Bowl with two different head coaches.

Wins and losses should not be considered a quarterback stat

I don't think wins and losses are a quarterback stat. I don't believe in that... Teams win games. Teams win championships. It's not Tom [Brady]. It's not Malcolm [Butler]. The Patriots won that game.

The Dunk Contest is boring because there are a finite amount of body positions possible

It's not like the dunks aren't super impressive. It's just that we've seen every dunk. It's like watching porn. There's a finite amount of body positions that the human form can get into. Eventually, you just get bored with it.

Tony Romo will be the quarterback for the Houston Texans next season

I'm going to say right now I think [Tony Romo] is going to the Texans.