Takes

Green Bay should move the Packers franchise if they need gimmicks to get fans loud

It's a sad, sad day when the Packers need to find gimmicks to be louder. [...] If you have to ask the Green Bay fans to be louder, maybe just move the whole franchise.

Workers who cross picket lines as scabs should form their own union

I had this idea on Saturday to make a union of scabs. So scabs should unionize... scabs are the guys that come in and they take [picket-liners'] jobs and they'll go ahead and they'll work for lower pay... But the scabs themselves should unionize. It's like they should get together and demand better treatment.

I want to start selling drugs in France because they have a culture of smoking and long lunches

I just want to start selling drugs in France. That's my idea. I think that there's a lot of money to be made. Like I said, they're all smokers over there. They take like five-hour lunches. So if you give... give them a little joint, they get hungry again. They're not going to go anywhere. They stay at the restaurant. Plus, in French, their word for 80 literally means 420. So I think they're sending a signal.

I use Grindr to find guys with good haircuts to ask where they get groomed

I signed up for a Grindr account on my phone and then I found the guys that I thought had the best looking haircuts and I messaged them to ask them all where they got their haircuts... It's foolproof.

There should be a Tinder-style app specifically for finding people to fistfight

It's Tinder, but for people that want to get into fistfights... I just want to have a gentlemanly... I just want to punch somebody and get punched... find somebody who is my approximate height and weight, so it would be a nice fair fight.

We should have portable gyms in trucks so people can work out during their commute

We need to have portable gyms. So instead of your commute, you get in the back of a truck and you work out while you're commuting to your job. No one likes to commute. No one likes to go to the gym. Get them both out of the way at once.

Planes should have giant parachutes to prevent crash landings

I was watching the movie Sully... and I was just wondering, why don't planes just build parachutes so if that happens they can just parachute down and not have to worry about crash landing? Like inside the plane so it's like oh shit the engine's failed, pop parachute, safe.

Tom Crean's face is the most marketable asset in sports business

Tom Crean has a face that you cannot look away from. You'll never forget it either. If you are walking down the grocery aisle and you see Tom Crean's stupid fucking face, you're buying that product. Tom Crean should actually... we could sell anything with Tom Crean's face on it.