PMT DB
PMT DB
Topher Grace on Black Mirror, Jared Goff's Breaking News, and Mt. Rushmore of Ages
Preseason Week 2 is officially here, which means it is time for the most aggressive, unfounded overreactions humanly possible. Big Cat and PFT are already in mid-season form, declaring the entire NFL hierarchy settled based on a few drives. Kyler Murray looked human for a second, so naturally, his career is over before it started.
Big CatKyler Murray is an absolute bust
Kyler Murray looks pretty bad. [...] We're ready to declare after this first half maybe Kyler Murray's a bust. [...] Kyler Murray is an absolute bust.
On the flip side, the guys are buying all the stock in the Meadowlands. Between the new uniforms and a pulse in August, Big Cat is ready to book his flights for February.
Big CatThe Jets will win the Super Bowl this year
Jets are going to win the Super Bowl. Jets look great. Guys, all my hot takes, all my Jets have an awesome color scheme this year.
Speaking of those uniforms, PFT has a scientific theory on why the Jets might actually be faster this year. It turns out the color green is essentially a performance-enhancing drug when it comes to the stopwatch.
PFT CommenterWearing green jerseys makes a team half a second faster in the 40-yard dash
Any time a team plays with that color green, it takes half a second off their 40 time. That's just a fact. I didn't make that up.
Emergency Breaking Moos
We got an emergency call from our Rams insider Jared Goff with a situation involving Blake Bortles. Apparently, the BOAT has officially docked and undergone a major transformation. Blake has fully embraced the bald life, a move that the guys think signals a new era of focus for the Rams. Between Todd Gurley getting a cat and Blake shaving his head, the Rams are moving in very different directions.
PFT CommenterAcquiring a cat is the first step toward retirement for an NFL player
I will say that acquiring a cat is the first step towards retirement. Yeah, you don't get a cat unless you're thinking about retiring. Second cat is he's retired. Absolutely.
Topher Grace in Studio
Topher Grace joined the show to talk about everything from *That '70s Show* to playing David Duke in *BlacKkKlansman*. He was incredibly self-aware about his career, even admitting that his success might be entirely tied to his unique nickname rather than his actual talent.
The only reason I have a successful acting career is because of my nickname
The only thing that has made me successful is my nickname [Topher]. I'm positive. There's nothing to do with the acting. Topher Grace is different than Chris. That's just a different vibe.
They touched on the intensity of filming with Spike Lee and the unsettling nature of his *Black Mirror* episode. Topher also shared a story about nearly being stuck on a murder trial jury because the defendant was a fan of Eric Forman. The guys also tried to pitch Topher on their own movie ideas, including a sled-dog epic called *Boner Dogs* that they are certain would win at Cannes.
Mount Rushmore of Ages
With the dog days of summer winding down, the guys drafted a Mount Rushmore of Ages. Big Cat led the way with 21, citing the pure adrenaline of that first legal drink.
Big CatAge 21 is the best age because of the thrill of finally being legal to drink
I'll start with 21. Everyone's excited. Everyone had a fake ID in college, but when you turn 21 that first time you walk in the bar and you're like, 'yep, that's really me.' There's no thrill like that.
As the draft went on, the picks got more strategic. Hank went with 25 for physical peak, while also making a strong case for age 4 being the pinnacle of human existence because you have zero responsibilities and can just watch *Teletubbies*.
HankAge 4 is the best age because it is the last year of complete freedom before school
I'm going to go with 4. It is the last year before you're stuck in a school every single day for life. You're just playing all day every day. All you have to do is play games, watch Teletubbies and just chill. That is your last year of complete and total freedom in your life.
Big Cat closed out his list with 100, mostly for the perks of having people celebrate your every move and laughing at your jokes regardless of the quality.
Big CatAge 100 is the best age because everyone laughs at everything you say
If you get to a hundred, people think you walk on water. I think you're Jesus. [...] Everyone throws you parties. [...] If you're a hundred, people will just laugh at everything you say no matter what. You can go viral at a hundred for just existing.
Who’s Back and Hot Seat
Fyre Fest of the week featured PFT’s dog Leroy having some stomach issues and Hank nearly losing an entire bag of his 'A-list' laundry to a Brooklyn laundromat. PFT also took aim at the people who use the 'tapback' reactions on iPhone, which he finds to be a personal affront to his data plan and sanity.
PFT CommenteriPhone 'tapback' message reactions serve no purpose and the inventor should be exiled
I am in quite the text thread for my [fantasy football] league. Not only are is everybody just like replying with small little jokes, but they're also huge on the emphasizing things, the laughing at things—those extra buttons. They serve no extra purpose and I fucking hate those extra buttons because they fill up my phone notifications... the person that invented it should have to go live in Brazil for the rest of their life.
In the middle of the show, news broke that Bryce Harper hit a walk-off grand slam against the Cubs, sending Big Cat into a tailspin. He wasn't thrilled with the road performance of his squad, especially after Yu Darvish had a solid outing.
Big CatThe Chicago Cubs are absolutely terrible at playing on the road
Cubs are so fucking bad on the road. They're so fucking bad on the road. Six runs in the ninth [given up to the Phillies]. What the fuck? Yu Darvish was awesome tonight too, it's even worse.
To wrap things up, Jilly Football returned from her month-long mystery vacation to host License to Jill. She didn't miss a beat, immediately calling out Big Cat for his shifting stance on vaccinations now that he's a father.
Jilly FootballI am disappointed in Big Cat's flip-flopping on being an anti-vaxxer
I'm a little disappointed in your flip-flopping with anti-vax. [...] If you're going to pick a side, you have to stick to it. [...] What kind of example are you setting for your son without succumbing to peer pressure?
Go Blue, and remember: if you need to get out of work, just tell them you were sprayed by a skunk.
