PMT DB
PMT DB
Michael Rapaport and Leon Rice on Fire Eating and NBA Hipsters
Big Cat and PFT Commenter opened up a back-to-back Wednesday show by tackling the NFL MVP race, or more accurately, Big Cat explained why he doesn't care about it. While Hank was busy carrying the water for Tom Brady's 12-game sample size, Big Cat remained thoroughly unimpressed by the entire conversation.
Big CatThe NFL MVP race is boring and I don't care who wins
My take on the MVP is I don't give a fuck. Ooh, that's pretty good. So, yeah, a little hot take there for you. I don't really – I can't get excited about an MVP race.
Hank’s argument centered on the sheer efficiency of Brady, but PFT immediately pushed back with the system quarterback label. After all, if Jimmy Garoppolo can look like a star in that offense, how valuable is the guy under center really?
PFT CommenterTom Brady is a system quarterback because Jimmy Garoppolo played well in his absence
Well, [Brady] is also a system quarterback because Jimmy Garoppolo played pretty well. So, yeah. You can't give it to a system quarterback.
This led to a dark prediction about the eventual end of the Patriots dynasty. PFT envisions a world where Bill Belichick and Tom Brady aren't just retiring together, but going out in a Shakespearean tragedy that would make Claire Danes weep.
PFT CommenterBill Belichick and Tom Brady will retire together in a 2019 suicide pact
They're going to retire simultaneously. They might do a Romeo and Juliet-like suicide pact. Here's my prediction, okay? 2019, they both kill themselves and retire at the same time.
Michael Rapaport’s Heroic Effort
Michael Rapaport joined the show in what he described as a near-death state. Despite being hooked up to a bronchial antibiotic drip and claiming to have a sickness that exists somewhere between cancer and the black plague, he powered through to discuss the New York Knicks and the state of NBA Twitter.
Rapaport hasn't lost his fastball when it comes to hating on the "nerds" of the basketball world. He took aim at the analytical crowd, specifically calling out the hipsters who treat usage rates like the gospel while never having stepped foot on a court in their lives.
Michael RapaportThe Starters on NBA TV are sports hipsters
I don't like to shit on other people's quality of their work. But they have a show, and it's actually good. It's very stat-oriented... but like the Starters on the NBA network. They are hipsters. They're sports hipsters.
According to Rapaport, you can't truly understand the game unless you've been in the trenches of a pickup game against an old guy with knee braces and a bank shot. He’s tired of the usage rates and the shoe-tying metrics that have replaced the traditional eyeball test.
Michael RapaportYou cannot be a serious basketball analyst if you never played the game
I just want to ask these fucking nerds. Like, did you ever play? ... If you are a basketball dude and you never played basketball, even in your heart of hearts, and you took it seriously, it's hard for me to take you seriously. Because anybody could play basketball, really, until any age.
Football Guys in Basketball Bodies
Boise State head basketball coach Leon Rice joined the program to discuss his transition from a former linebacker to a basketball coach. He officially earned the title of Football Guy when reports surfaced that he ate a book of matches to fire up his team before a game. Coach Rice cleared the air: it wasn't just matches, they were lit matches.
Eating a book of lit matches is a valid and effective football motivational technique
Well, not only was it a book of matches, but let's go ahead and remember there was a book of lit matches... Anybody can eat a book of matches. It takes some toughness to eat a book of lit matches... I was an old football guy... us basketball coaches have to rely on some of those [techniques]. My guys loved it, so it seemed to get them fired up for the game.
Rice explained that basketball coaches sometimes have to borrow from the gridiron to keep players from getting bored. The tactic worked, as the Broncos won on a buzzer-beater, proving that internal combustion is a valid coaching philosophy.
Hot Seat, Cool Throne and Drunk Ideas
During Hot Seat/Cool Throne, Big Cat went all-in on the Chicago Bears despite their dismal three-win season. With Alshon Jeffrey guaranteeing a ring, Big Cat is ready to start planning the parade routes for 2018.
Big CatThe Chicago Bears will win the Super Bowl next year
Alshon Jeffrey guaranteed a Super Bowl victory. So you get one year now, a little more than one year, 13 months. Go ahead and keep doubting. He guaranteed it. He guaranteed the Chicago Bears win the Super Bowl next year.
The show wrapped up with some high-concept Drunk Ideas. Hank proposed a revolutionary safety feature for the aviation industry involving giant parachutes for entire planes, while Big Cat pitched a new beverage line called "Crean-T." He believes the Indiana coach has a uniquely marketable—if slightly terrifying—face that could sell anything to anyone.
Big CatTom Crean's face is the most marketable asset in sports business
Tom Crean has a face that you cannot look away from. You'll never forget it either. If you are walking down the grocery aisle and you see Tom Crean's stupid fucking face, you're buying that product. Tom Crean should actually... we could sell anything with Tom Crean's face on it.
If you see a tea bag with a guy screaming on the label, just know that Big Cat is finally getting his beak wet.
