Takes

Sam Pittman is a panic hire for Arkansas

Sam Pittman is who you're talking about. He's the Georgia O-line coach. That is a panic hire for Arkansas. I saw his face. I was like, that's not a head coach. That's not a head coach.

Auburn should have just called the new logo a logo change to sell more merchandise to SEC fans

What they should do is just lean into it and then get all new sales from the new logo. Because if I know something about SEC football, if you slightly tweak the logo, everyone will buy new stuff. They'll buy new stuff before they pay their mortgage, before they get food on the table for their kids. They've got to have the freshest new Auburn logo for the fall.

I will get an NFL 100 logo tattoo if the Browns and Lions meet in the Super Bowl

If it's Browns-Lions in the Super Bowl, I'll get the tattoo for sure. Yes.

I will get an NFL 100 logo tattoo if Blake Bortles wins Super Bowl MVP

If Blake Bortles wins Super Bowl MVP, I will also do that [get the tattoo].

Daniel Jones is Archie Manning's illegitimate child because they look identical

We've been saying that it's a good possibility that Daniel Jones is Archie Manning's illegitimate child. And that picture that came out yesterday certainly I think lended a lot of credence. I think you could just put those side by side, most people in America would be like, yeah, that guy is somehow related.

It is a massive mistake for Bucks fans to chant 'We Want Boston' after sweeping the Pistons

It's a mistake. ... Why poke the bear? ... When you're the No. 1 seed, you or your fans can't be doing stuff like this. They're going to get them.

Adam Gase is already 'done' with the Jets after his bizarre first press conference.

He had maybe the weirdest, like, I don't even know what it was. His eyes were just darting everywhere. He looked like he was being held hostage. And I don't want to be a complete reactionary... but he's done. He cannot survive in the big city.

Antonio Brown will not be traded and will stay with the Steelers

I'm so excited for Antonio Brown to have to stay with the Steelers next year, and it's going to be such a circus... He's staying with the Steelers. I'm guaranteeing it.

Matt Barnes is the one who looks bad in the Kobe flinch video

I was questioning Matt Barnes' toughness because I thought Matt Barnes was cool enough to like put the ball directly in Kobe's face. It turns out he was he was the one being a pussy. Why are we shaming Kobe Bryant for not flinching at a ball that was not thrown at his face? So this is actually a Matt Barnes problem. Matt Barnes is not man enough.

NBA Twitter needs to chill out during October

October is football and baseball. Chill out, NBA Twitter. Let us have a fucking month... Enough, NBA Twitter. You get your time. We're going to all pay attention to you... from like February till essentially July. So just chill out.

Kevin Durant should lean into the 'fart face' rumors to be relatable

The reason why people hate you [Kevin Durant] right now is that you joined a 73-win team to win a title. Give us something to make you relatable. Be the fart face guy. It actually humanizes him a little bit, doesn't it?

Professional sports should allow players to fight one fan per year to keep them in check

Every single sport should allow a player to have one time a year where they can fight a fan. It would keep fans in check. You never know if you're going to be that guy... It's like, and then once you use it, then the fans can really go in on you because it's like, oh, he's already used his this year.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are the funniest long con in professional sports history

The Jacksonville Jaguars might be the funniest thing to ever occur in professional sports. This has been a long con. We've all been owned... It's like a Wes Anderson movie. It's like you don't really appreciate a Wes Anderson movie. That's what the Jaguars are saying to everyone. You don't look at it the right way.

Roger Goodell is embracing the heel role and is an ultimate villain

I really do think Roger Goodell has passed a certain point where he is starting to embrace the heel. [Big Cat: He wiped a booger on a handicapped child] that's super villain stuff that is the ultimate villain not because he embraced not because he was like oh i'm the super villain... he's just evil.

If you are going on a boat party before a playoff game, you better win that game

This is a classic if you're going to go on a boat party. It's the old Tony Romo with Jessica Simpson and Cabo rule. If you're going to go hang out before a playoff game, you better win that fucking playoff game.

Kirk Cousins will get a long-term contract because he looks the part of a quarterback

Do you know what Kirk has going for him? He looks the part. That's really what it is... That's why Matt Barkley is still in the league. That's why Jimmy Clausen is—throw them in a pair of shorts... they look good.

Michigan State quarterbacks are guaranteed to receive huge contracts

Well, he's a Michigan State quarterback. I feel like you have to give a Michigan State quarterback a huge guaranteed contract. That's how it works.

Michael Floyd shouldn't be charged for his DUI because he was asleep

It's a bad visual, but I guess it's better that he was asleep behind the wheel than if he was fully conscious and was thinking to himself, I'm driving drunk the entire time he was doing it... He was asleep, so he couldn't have been thinking, I shouldn't be doing this. So technically, it's not really a crime. Also... Is sleepwalking a crime if you do something bad in a sleepwalk? No, you can't be charged. So he should get off for this one.

Tim Duncan's massive back tattoo is a viral marketing stunt

To me, this screams viral marketing stunt... I would expect him to get such a lame back tattoo. But this is what happens when people retire from things. They end up falling into the first viral trap that their PR person brings in... We're going to get a big back tattoo that's fake. And then a week from now, you'll come out and be like... my tattoo artist has my back. You know who's got your back? It's Fidelity.

LeBron James was hungover for the Celtics game after drinking a beer at the World Series

LeBron got caught on TV sipping a little beer... You should have bet on the Celtics last night because LeBron James was hungover. A little dinged up.