PMT DB
PMT DB
Kyle Long, the Jimmy Butler Trade, and Higher Learning
Big Cat is officially Seeing Red. The Jimmy Butler trade to the Timberwolves has sent him into a tailspin, mostly because it's further proof that the Bulls' front office is a complete disaster. Between trading away the 16th pick and failing to even interview their lottery selection, the vibes in Chicago are at an all-time low.
Big CatBulls front office members Gar Foreman and John Paxson remain fuckheads
Gar Foreman and John Paxson remain fuckheads. [The Bulls season] never even began, but yes, it is over. They're dead... I don't trust these guys to actually rebuild correctly. I mean, you got fucking trainers saying that they're worse than drug dealers.
The Bulls selected Lauri Markkanen at number seven, a pick that Big Cat is desperately trying to spin into a positive despite his previous scouting reports from the Pac-12 tournament. He’s settled on calling him "Baby Dirk" to cope with the reality of the situation.
Big CatLauri Markkanen is a bum who is soft and sucks
I find out they drafted... Lauri Markkanen from Arizona. I am now going to sell myself on this guy, which is going to be the greatest spin zone of all time, because we went to the Pac-12 championship game, and I think we said multiple times, this guy fucking sucks. He's a bum. He's soft.
Winners and Losers from Draft Night
PFT and Big Cat broke down the rest of the NBA Draft, noting that the Sacramento Kings—against all historical evidence—might actually be competent now.
Big CatThe Sacramento Kings actually had a good draft
Sacramento Kings. The Kings actually drafted well. So they got Fox, Justin Jackson, and Harry Giles from Duke. And I actually for a moment was like, is the world – are we still on earth right now?
They also looked at the Lakers' new era with Lonzo Ball. PFT is already looking at the long-term career arc for Lonzo's father, LaVar, who seems destined for a different kind of ring.
PFT CommenterLaVar Ball will be doing work for the WWE within two years
Within two years, [LaVar Ball] is going to be doing stuff for WWE. He is that good at being the heel. Like, he was yelling at the reporter for not holding the microphone close enough to his face.
On the loser side of the ledger, Phil Jackson continues to be the laughingstock of New York. The guys discussed rumors of him falling asleep during workouts and his general mismanagement of Kristaps Porzingis.
PFT CommenterPhil Jackson is the Wile E. Coyote of the NBA
You could just make up a story like Phil Jackson was spotted walking around MSG with his hand in a toaster and his foot stuck in a bucket and he fell off a balcony, and his feet kept moving until he looked down, and then he fell. He's basically become the Wile E. Coyote of NBA.
Kyle Long and the Mount Rushmore of Brothers
Our good friend Kyle Long joined the show to talk about his recovery, training with Jay Glazer, and to settle once and for all who the best brothers in history are. Kyle was surprisingly humble about his own family dynamics, even though his brother Chris was drafted 18 spots higher than him.
When it came to the actual Mount Rushmore, the picks ranged from Mario and Luigi to the Harbaughs. Kyle went off the board with the Busch brothers and the Guerrero brothers, while PFT went with the "Band of Brothers" (the troops always win). Before leaving, Kyle gave a very unbiased prediction for the 2017 Chicago Bears season.
Kyle LongThe Chicago Bears will go 16-0 and run the table in 2017
Yeah, so, you know, obviously we're going to run the table in the regular season... We're going to roll the whole way down the river clean... 16-0.
Higher Learning with Billy Football
With Billy Football heading off to college soon, Big Cat and PFT decided to use their decades-old wisdom to guide him through the pitfalls of freshman year. The advice was swift and brutal, especially regarding high school relationships.
Billy FootballIncoming college freshmen should break up with their long-term girlfriends
So I've been dating my girlfriend for around a year now. [Billy Football]: Okay, dumper. Break up. Pretty easy stuff.
They also tackled more serious collegiate issues, like how to handle a roommate who wants to turn your dorm into a "trip chamber." While Big Cat was curious about the lifestyle, PFT suggested a more traditional path for a first-semester student.
PFT CommenterTaking acid is dangerous; freshmen should stick to binge drinking
But I'm just going to say, for the record, taking acid is very dangerous. Stick to safe things, like binge drinking your freshman year.
The segment wrapped up with a strategy session on which sports are easiest to fake for the sake of social standing. While basketball requires actual gear and height, PFT thinks there is a more social sport that serves as the perfect cover.
PFT CommenterRugby is the best sport to lie about playing to pick up women
Clear answer, obvious rugby. Rugby does it. We pay money to each other and we buy equipment and beer. We have socials with other sports teams and we sing songs.
If all else fails, just tell everyone you were in a two-year coma and see where the night takes you.
