Bulls front office members Gar Foreman and John Paxson remain fuckheads

Gar Foreman and John Paxson remain fuckheads. [The Bulls season] never even began, but yes, it is over. They're dead... I don't trust these guys to actually rebuild correctly. I mean, you got fucking trainers saying that they're worse than drug dealers.

Lauri Markkanen is a bum who is soft and sucks

I find out they drafted... Lauri Markkanen from Arizona. I am now going to sell myself on this guy, which is going to be the greatest spin zone of all time, because we went to the Pac-12 championship game, and I think we said multiple times, this guy fucking sucks. He's a bum. He's soft.

LaVar Ball will be doing work for the WWE within two years

Within two years, [LaVar Ball] is going to be doing stuff for WWE. He is that good at being the heel. Like, he was yelling at the reporter for not holding the microphone close enough to his face.

The Detroit Pistons are moving in the right direction despite their Game 7 loss

The progression of the Pistons along the way is like, what were they, two years ago? They won like 16 or 18 games. They were so bad. Last year they had competitive series against The Knicks. Then this year, the natural progression from that is, let's take the regular season super seriously. Let's win all the games that we can get a high seed... I would say the totality of this season, we're still going the right direction in Detroit.

I will renounce my American citizenship and become French if the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup

I will renounce American citizenship and become French if the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup this year... I'll probably need somebody to come and hang out with me and... the south of France is nice.

Patrick Reed is the first PAWG in the history of professional golf.

Patrick Reed, let me tell you, I think he might be the first PAWG golfer. He is. He's thick as hell. Like he was filling out. He also wears... the tight pants... he looks like early era Meghan Trainor... He bends over. He's like, ooh.