A. J. Pierzynski

Meditating is a top-four way to cool down in the summer

My last one is just meditating. Meditate... when I said meditating, I meant cool down like when you get hot in an argument. Like when you ever get in a really big argument. You need to take a deep breath.

Laying on the bathroom floor is the greatest feeling when you have the spins

This is actually more for when you have the spins, but it still is the greatest thing in the world. Just laying down on the bathroom floor... There's actually no better feeling in the world. It's great. When you're hot, when you're drunk, when you have the spins.

Aaron Rodgers loves to get angry at other athletes' contracts

This is like the Aaron Rodgers specialty. Aaron Rodgers loves to get pissed off at other quarterbacks' contracts. That's like his thing. I want him to start jumping into other sports too and getting pissed off and be like, hey, I'm a better quarterback than James Harden is a shooting guard. How come I'm not getting paid?

Clayton Kershaw is the 'asshole' of Major League Baseball

For Clayton Kershaw, he's just like the – would you consider him an asshole?... every pitcher, if they're going to be a really good pitcher, they need to have a streak of being an asshole. Yeah, so we'll call Clayton the asshole of Major League Baseball.

Catchers and calling the game are more important than hitting or throwing

Number one is catching and calling a game no matter what. You have to be able to call a game, know the right pitch, know your pitching staff, know when to call and what to call at certain times... throwing would have to be last, and probably hitting and then throwing is last.

Shoeless Joe Jackson belongs in the Hall of Fame

You think Joe Jackson should be a Hall of Famer?... Yes, I do... He had a pretty good World Series for someone trying to throw it.

Tim Tebow should 'go for it' in baseball even if he doesn't make it

Why not? Go for it. I mean, hey, if someone wants to give you a job to play professional sports and you want to try it, why would you say no?... If you don't make it, you don't make it, and you can always go back to ESPN and do the SEC.

St. Louis Cardinals fans are the classiest in baseball, followed by the White Sox

Rank the classiest fan bases... Well, St. Louis is number one. You could be 0 for 100, and they'll tell you you're going to get a hit tomorrow, even though you know you're not going to... For me, the White Sox, too, probably. Braves, three.

Groundskeeper 'The Freeze' should be an all-time pinch runner in the All-Star Game

The freeze is hot, right? Hilarious... So pinch runner, all-time runner, the freeze. So he just stands behind the catcher, and as soon as the ball's in play, he's running.

Dentist offices should be installed on airplanes to save time

I'm also the guy who has the idea that we should start having dentist offices in planes so we can, you know, kill two birds with one stone... obviously we're gonna have to get through some of these hurdles [like turbulence].

We should have portable gyms in trucks so people can work out during their commute

We need to have portable gyms. So instead of your commute, you get in the back of a truck and you work out while you're commuting to your job. No one likes to commute. No one likes to go to the gym. Get them both out of the way at once.

Chris Berman retired from the Home Run Derby because it was in Miami and he'll sweat too much

Chris Berman retired from the All-Star game and ESPN last winter... I think maybe Chris Berman was like, oh, fuck. The home run derby is going to be in Miami. I think he was [reading the tea leaves]. They don't make a sweatshirt that's dark enough to cover up the stains that Berman would be sweating through.