Takes

Skyline Chili is a running joke used by Cincinnati residents to prank tourists

Skyline Chili, I'm convinced all of Cincinnati has Stockholm Syndrome. I don't know what is going on there. They have convinced themselves that's real food that people should eat. I think it's a running joke. Everyone in Cincinnati was like, hey, let's try to convince the rest of the world that every time they come visit us, they have to eat this diarrhea.

The NBA and Kevin Durant should stop exaggerating player heights

When did Kevin Durant become seven feet tall? He's six foot nine, right? They used to call Ben Wallace a seven footer and it's like he was at least six, I don't know, ten or something like that. Kevin Durant's... that's giving him more than a few inches. I often hear this with LeBron... they add 10 pounds and they add at least one inch every time they talk about him. I hope we can pull back from that on Kevin Durant.

Joe Thornton is wrong for playing with his kids instead of watching his potential Stanley Cup opponents

Joe Thornton, when the Sharks won the Western Conference Finals... said that he was going to play with his kids during the Game 7 Penguins-Lightnings. Not watch who he was going to play in the Stanley Cup Finals. Mike Milbury was not happy... how you win a Stanley Cup is being always focused and making sure you tune in to your opponent even when you're not playing them.

Bengals vs. Steelers is currently the biggest rivalry in the NFL

Cincinnati Bengals, Pittsburgh Steelers. Maybe the biggest rivalry going right now in the NFL.

If Roger Goodell isn't 'motherfucking' me behind my back, I'm not doing my job as NFLPA President

I feel like in a weird way, if [Roger Goodell] hasn't [motherfucked me behind my back], I'm probably not doing my job... You have to stump for the players.

The Steelers-Bengals rivalry in 2016 was worse and more intense than the Steelers-Ravens rivalry

Honestly, I think it was worse with the Bengals this year... just the Bengals are something different. That game was wild, man.

Chris Berman's retirement report is a bargaining chip for his next contract

Does Chris Berman not strike you as the type of guy that's going to take a victory lap? He is a victory lap guy through and through. So this wishy-washy back and forth, this was all on purpose... Or what this could be is a bargaining chip. He might be trying to play him for a raise. His contract's up next year. So he's dangling the threat of retirement.

The Spelling Bee stinks now because it tries too hard to be 'millennial-friendly'

I'm a spelling bee purist... I kind of like some of the new stuff that they're doing to try to draw on the millennial. No, they're trying to be too cute. It's too cute. They're having the kids dab. I like the cutthroat. I like the competitiveness. I like the pressure where you know these 12-year-olds, if they get this word wrong, their whole entire life is going to be crushed.

The Arby's in Columbus is the worst fast food restaurant in America

Arby's is a questionable choice to begin with. This one particular Arby's was probably the worst fast food restaurant in America... We knew we had a problem when the guy in front of us was complaining about soggy, moldy bread that he got a week ago, and he wanted a free sandwich, and they were fighting him tooth and nail for a $5 free sandwich.

The Raptors are the Russian Army of the NBA; they defend their home well but get smoked once they travel abroad

The Raptors, they're only good in Canada. They're like the Russian army. They can defend their homeland really well. But the second you send them over like the Kush mountains into Afghanistan, they're getting smoked.

Penn State is the toughest Big Ten stadium for opponents but it looks like an erector set with no character

Probably Penn State when they're playing well is a difficult one because it's like an erector set, and it's huge... it doesn't, in my opinion, have that much character. It just looks like it got added onto and added onto another erector set.

Grit is more important than athletic ability for a quarterback

That's why I think grit's more important than ability is because Craig Krenzel was not the most talented quarterback in the nation... but he did the one thing that you're supposed to do if you're the quarterback, and that's win every game.

Fullback dives are not gritty; they are essentially a pillow fight

No [fullback dives are not gritty]. Fullback dive is kind of like a pillow fight. You just run up in there. I mean, it's either you get a lot or you get nothing because you don't get any movement. You don't even have enough running start to have a collision in a fullback dive.

The punt is the most important play in football

I've said it's the most important play... the impact that the punt play makes in the game is incredible. If you get one blocked, it's devastating. If you block one, it's exhilarating. It's kind of like a relationship.

Year-round training and specialization are 'fouling up' youth sports by preventing kids from developing grit through diverse experiences

I think we've kind of fouled up the whole thing by having all year round soccer, all year round football, all year round basketball... student athletes aren't doing internships because they're so busy training... all of the things that help develop grit, we're just doing them in one direction and in training.

No one actually likes advanced analytics except for nerds

I just want to know who likes analytics. I'm not talking black, white, Asian, whatever. No one likes analytics. Nerds like analytics. Have you ever had someone walk up to you and be like, hey, man, have you looked at the recent war that each player has? No.

A 73-win season means nothing without a championship

Don't mean a thing without that ring. That's all I'm going to say... That is the 72-10 1996 Bulls. That was their little mantra. And the Warriors... The 73-win Warriors look like they're in a lot of trouble.

Russell Westbrook is currently the best player in the world

[Russell Westbrook] had 33, 36, 11, and 11. Unreal. He basically said, I'm the best player in the world and I'm going to take over this game. I'm going to take over the series.

The Warriors-Thunder series pivoted entirely on Draymond Green kicking Steven Adams in the nuts

This is probably the first series that has ever pivoted entirely based on the kick to the nuts. That lit a spark. That was the spark that sparked the powder keg.

Steph Curry's poor performance is caused by a teammate sleeping with his mother

That guy [old college teammate] is probably sleeping with Steph [Curry]'s mom, and it's keeping him up. That's it... Everyone knows that if your NBA team loses, someone's having sex with someone's wife or mom.

Buffalo is a top-tier vacation destination

I really feel like Buffalo is right up there with any of your great vacation places like Key West, your Acapulcos... Rio, all of the above. The 24 hours we spent there seems like it was the best time of my life.

I despise Cleveland Cavaliers fans

I love Browns fans. I fucking despise Cavs fans. They're the worst. I know they're the exact same people, but they're not.

I am the best-looking member of the Ryan family

I'm definitely better looking than Rex. So, yeah, I'm definitely that guy. The long hair, I think, is what makes it.

Buffalo wings are better than anybody else's wings in the world

These Buffalo wings are better than anybody's... I'm definitely making my rounds, and there's definitely a difference.

Rex Ryan is still deep down a fat guy despite his weight loss

I think once you're a fat guy, you always have it in you, that you can definitely become fatter... I think he's still deep down a fat guy. [His personality] didn't change... He's still a bad guy. He's still himself.

Kyle Orton was a damn good quarterback and a hell of a backup

Damn, [Kyle Orton] was good... He's a hell of a backup, but I think there's a coverage that I know I could play with him that he didn't like.

I would crush Rex Ryan in a wrestling match because I am too big for him now

I'd crush [Rex Ryan]. I'm huge... We had some pretty good fights in the day, usually against other people. But I'd get him in a wrestling match. I'm too big for him now.

Oakland is currently the grittiest city in America

Oakland's pretty damn rough right now, so I'm going to go Oakland.

Ohio State is the toughest atmosphere in the Big Ten

I would probably say, I mean, I got to say Ohio State, you know, I mean, the great atmosphere, loud, you know, I mean, and obviously you're going to play against a good football team when you're there.

Les Miles is a unique person who truly doesn't care what anyone thinks of him

He's unique, I'll put it that way. He has a great personality. He's very personable, but he's going to do his own thing. The thing about Les [Miles] is he really doesn't care what people think of him. He's going to do what he wants to do.

There is not a better human being in the world than Brett Favre

Let me tell you, there's not a better human being [than Brett Favre]. I don't know if you guys have ever spent time with Brett.

Ndamukong Suh was a great guy to coach and is a very intelligent person

He was a great guy to coach. I mean, he worked hard every day. He's a great person, very intelligent... he plays with an edge.

Robert Griffin III would have been a better safety than Johnny Manziel

Between Robert Griffin, Johnny Manziel, who do you think would have made a better safety? [Bo Pelini]: Probably Robert Griffin.

Steve Weatherford is the 'Rosa Parks' of heavy breathing at Planet Fitness

He's now taking a stand about people shaming heavy breathers... This is the Martin Luther King of breathing heavy in Planet Fitness is Steve Weatherford. Really standing up for some civil rights here. [PFT]: I'd say it's more Rosa Parks.

J.J. Watt's new logo looks like a cheap energy drink and a bad tattoo

J.J. Watt. Come on, man. He basically made a logo that looks like a cheap, crappy energy drink slash awful tattoo... symbolizing buildings getting taller because his work ethic... literally no one forgets [he was a walk-on] because JJ tells us every single fucking day.

Duff's is far better than Anchor Bar for wings in Buffalo

We unanimously decided that Duff's was far better than Anchor Bar. Anchor Bar had an unfortunate incident... but we unanimously decided that Duff's was far better.

The Thunder are the best team in the league when Durant and Westbrook click on the same night

When they [Durant and Westbrook] do that, you can't beat them... They, at some point, will click on the exact same night, and they're the best team in the league.

I hope Draymond Green doesn't get suspended for the nut kick because playoff basketball is better with fights and retaliation

The question is, is Draymond going to get suspended for that kick? Because it was a crane kick. It was a Karate Kid shot to the balls. And I hope he doesn't get suspended because I'd like to see some retaliation. That's when playoff basketball really takes off is when there's fights and retaliation.

Kickers are severely disliked by real football players

I severely disliked them... as the 17th most hated person on the planet, I can't say I really hate anybody, but I severely dislike them. I would not invite them out for wings.

Dying as a champion racehorse is better than living as an old-timer in a pasture

I would say that that's more of a hurt [than an injury] because if you die a legend like that after winning a race, your legacy lives on longer than anybody else... You don't remember him as some old-timer getting jerked off in a pasture somewhere.

Anyone who supports robot umpires in baseball can go fuck themselves

Anyone who is like pro robots can go fuck themselves... The minute you start letting robots do these kind of tasks is what they're going to take over our lives... I don't need fucking umps telling me balls and strikes. There's some things you need to leave to humans.

Johnny Manziel should get fat to regain public sympathy

Fat Johnny Manziel is actually a good way to get some sympathy back... You can't... It's just different when you're fat. People won't call him a scumbag as much... You're lovable when you're fat.

People are more lovable when they are fat, and losing weight makes the public hate you

People who are fat are better. When Seth Rogen lost weight, everybody hated him. When Jonah Hill lost weight, everybody hated him. When you eventually lose weight, [Big Cat], you're going to be public enemy number one.

Having four grown men taking Viagra together in an RV is a bad idea

We've decided that we're not going to all take Viagra because it's a really, really weird thing to have four dudes with, like, raging hard boners in an RV.

Taking Viagra and going to Niagara Falls ('Viagra Falls') is a classic comedy gag

It seems like the perfect classic joke. You know, Niagara rhymes with Viagra... So we all take Viagra, we get on the boat, and then we see who the first person is to get rid of their boner without touching it, just like through the power of mental concentration and meditation... That is like a classic comedy gag right there.

Clevelanders just yuck it up, be sad, do weird shit, and puke on themselves

We're going to watch with the Clevelanders. We're going to yuck it up, be sad, do weird shit, puke on ourselves, do what Clevelanders do.

Youngstown, Ohio is likely the grittiest city in the world

Youngstown is like the grittiest city in the world, probably. Home of Boom Boom Mancini. Little known fact about Youngstown there for you.

Grit Week participants should only pack underwear and laptops, buying all other clothes daily from thrift stores

Since it's Grit Week, we got to go out there. We got to scrap. We got to hustle for everything that we earn. So every morning, we're going to go to a thrift store, buy our clothes for that day, depending on the weather.

There is no industry in Indiana important enough to keep people at work on the Friday before the Indy 500

That's like a normal Friday in Indiana, isn't it? Like what industry in Indiana that makes you come to work on Friday [of Carb Day]?

Buffalo, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, and Cincinnati are the backbones of America and the only places worth visiting on vacation

These are the places, these are the backbones of America... people will say hey when you go on vacation where do you go? Oh I go to California, I go to Florida, I go to Arizona. When we go on vacation, we go to Buffalo. We go to Cleveland. We go to Pittsburgh. We go to Cincinnati.