Takes

I used to think that if you dug a deep enough hole in the ground, you would eventually reach China

If you dug deep enough you could reach China. I honestly thought that I could... every kid and I I was probably is is that wrong? ... I looked this up a couple months ago. It's actually embarrassing how shallow the deepest hole ever dug is.

I used to think that kissing was the same thing as having sex

Kissing equals sex... that I thought for a long time. That's a really good one. That's how you thought babies were made... whether you say sex or go, they're kissing. I was like, oh, they're naked kissing... because you would watch a movie and they would [kiss] and then whatever.

TV reruns are actually actors performing the exact same script live for a second time

I used to think that when you'd watch a rerun of a show on TV, that it was an all new taping of the exact same script... I thought that like, I'd be watching Saved by the Bell... They're doing the same song, but they're just taping it again for us.

I used to think my testicles were made of Play-Doh and that eating actual Play-Doh would make them grow bigger

I thought my balls, my testicles were Play-Doh. So when my parents told me don't eat Play-Doh, I thought they were trying to be like, Hey don't eat Play-Doh because your balls will just get bigger because it will just go right to your balls... You just don't know what they are when you're a little kid and you start touching 'em, you're like, this is weird. I'm like, oh, it must be Play-Doh.

I used to believe that all adults were smart and understood exactly what was going on

I honestly used to think that every adult was smart. I thought if you were grown up, you knew what was going on. And then you grow up and you're like, we're all dumb. No, we're all really fucking dumb. I was probably smarter when I was a kid than I am now.

Paul Walter Hauser should play Andy Reid in a movie about the coach's life

One [project] would be him [Paul Walter Hauser] playing Andy Reid in the Andy Reid story. I think he'd crush that.

The 'Dynasty' documentary was a slanted propaganda piece designed to get Robert Kraft more credit

It was basically Robert Kraft being like, I need more credit for everything that's happened... they slanted it so hard against Belichick that everyone who has watched the Patriots the last 20 years was like, this is not how it happened. I think it actually hurt him.

The 'Dynasty' documentary was an accurate, high-quality sports film that did not manipulate viewers

I haven't talked to a lot of people that are like, I don't know, like, I think we got manipulated a little bit... it was so well done. It's like a hundred percent rotten tomatoes watching it... I think it leaves people with the impression that that is how it was.

The Mount Rushmore of Boston athletes is Bill Russell, Tom Brady, David Ortiz, and Bobby Orr

So I would probably go Tom, Poppy, Bobby Orr, Bill Russell. That's a strong four. ... I think a lot of people would say Ted Williams. ... [But] how do you not put Bill Russell on that Mount Rushmore? You never see that again.

The Academy Awards should be voted on 20 years after the movies come out to accurately gauge which ones truly lasted

The real best way to do it is to do the awards like 20 years after the movies come out. ... There's no spin, there's no, it's like I still watch that movie. I still love that movie. That was the best movie of 2004. It would be a more accurate gauge of whether a movie really works.

The rat at the end of 'The Departed' symbolizes the main character's past and the social ladder he was trying to climb

The writer had in the script... the idea of me, of me kind of climbing the social ladder. And now I find myself in this old brownstone, but there's still a rat that you, that rat comes across and it's, it's his past. It's the thing... it's meant to symbolize all that stuff.

Dan Orlovsky’s claim that Mac Jones was the best rookie QB ever is the Take of the Year

Dan Orlovsky incredible saying he believes Belichick will win another Super Bowl with Mac Jones at QB. Mac Jones is the best rookie QB that I have ever seen since doing this job when it comes to knowing where to go with the football, when to go with the football, and how to throw that football. 'Ever seen' is just something you should not—ever seen is crazy.

The NFL should implement a rule where players can only play 16 games in an 18-game season

18 game season, every player can only play a maximum of 16 games. I like it in theory because it just, it's chaos. It's a wrinkle, would be strategery would be awesome, but... I liked it at first and then I thought I definitely would get fucked because I'd bet a line on Monday and then they'd be like, 'this is the game we're throwing.'

Bluey is an actual drug for children

I had no idea what a drug Bluey was for kids. Oh yeah. But I had, there was a friend that came into town, their 5-year-old stay with us and the kid was like jumping all over... I turn on Bluey and it's like hypnotized. Bluey is a drug for kids. For sure.

The LIV-PGA partnership means they are basically the same organization now

Their partnership is that they have an outline that they've agreed to. Oh. And an arrangement and a skeleton clause that they've put in. And it seems like, it seems like things are progressing. Wow. They're basically the same organization right now.

Rory McIlroy will never win another major

I don't think [Rory McIlroy] is ever gonna win a major. I don't think so either. He's gonna be one of those guys that you look back on and you're like, Colin Montgomery.

I am already talking myself into 10 wins for almost every NFL team

The social media from the first weekend of the NFL being back is awesome because every team you think that you're gonna be like 10 wins. I can talk myself into 10 wins for any team except for maybe, maybe not the Panthers.

Jason Tatum's clip of him chewing gum on the bench is an Aura clip

The clip of [Jason Tatum] shaking his head and chewing the gum on the bench is like, that's an Aura clip. When he fucking drops 60 on Steve Kerr's dumbass face next year. Aura.

Having Rafael Nadal carry the Olympic torch in Paris was 'cucked' behavior by France

Maybe the most cucked behavior that I've ever seen to have one of your country's rivals [Rafael Nadal] as like a prominent figure at the very end. I guess because he is like, always wins the French Open. He just wins the French Open... He is kind of like part of French history.

Urban Meyer's brewery is putting out a Mexican lager with the laziest name possible

Urban Meyer's back. I just saw that he has an update to his brewhouse... It's called 'El Lager.' I just love it. It's like the laziest name you could come up with. It's like what Budweiser would put on their can of beers during Hispanic Heritage Month.

Michael Phelps ruined swimming for me because he was too dominant

Michael Phelps ruined swimming for me personally. Because he was so goddamn dominant that, and it happened so recently that I'm watching swimming and I'm like, well, Phelps would've beaten all these guys.

I would have been a baseball player if my dad hadn't been fired at Washington State

If he [Jack Elway]... went for the job because he graduated from Washington State... and he was the runner up for the job. And thank god he didn't get that job. Otherwise I'd probably been a baseball player. Because the high school [in Pullman] ran the single wing. And so it would've never been exposed to what I got exposed to when we went down to Southern California in football.

You have to have a quarterback who can win from the pocket to win Super Bowls

To win Super Bowls, you have to have a quarterback that can win it from the pocket. You gotta be able to have the guys that can win it from the pocket because they're too good. I think that, you know, when you think about quarterbacks, I still believe you gotta win it from the pocket.

Mike Shanahan was the best coach I ever played for because he never let us exhale

Mike [Shanahan] was the best coach I ever played for, because I had a great rapport with him also, but loved what he did offensively, but also the expectations that he had of us made us have the expectations of us too. He was tough. The expectations, it was never enough. He never let us exhale. It was always, we gotta play better next week.

Passing on Josh Allen for Bradley Chubb was the biggest mistake of my GM days

John [Allen] says, 'I'm wondering how long is it gonna take him to realize that I passed on him and took Bradley Chubb instead.' And it took him two and a half holes to bring it up. And I loved him [Allen], right? But it just didn't work out. And you're right. That was probably my biggest mistake of my GM days, not taking Josh.

Nutty Bars are a top-tier snack pick

Gonna go with Nutty Bars. Love them. Love them. Yeah. You know that You'll get my vote on that. It's a solid pick.

Doritos are the best snack

I will go with Doritos. Cool Ranch Doritos are my favorite. Doritos are the best. They really are the best.

Jaylen Brown has an aura rating of +1000

Jalen Brown actually has overflow of aura. He's got, he's got aura. He actually has overflow of aura—plus a thousand aura.

Jayson Tatum's aura rating is currently -650

If you were to do like statistics on Jayson Tatum's Aura? I'd say he is like negative six 50.

Clutch performance is a real and verifiable factor in sports

Clutch 100% exists. Like there's no way to explain how some people are just better and like rise to the occasion and other people don't.

Sports leagues are pricing out fans by fragmenting media rights across too many streaming platforms

This is what the leagues are doing. They're just chopping it up and they're cutting it and they're selling a bunch of NBA to us that we have to buy individually. I feel like that's the real inflation in the United States right now. It's becoming expensive to be a sports fan. They're pricing a lot of people out of watching sports. And that shouldn't be right.

You would choose pizza over donuts for the rest of your life because you can't eat donuts every day

If it's pizza or donuts for the rest of your life, you'd have to take pizza. Like, I'm just being honest, like I love donuts, but you can't eat donuts every day. You could eat pizza almost every day.

Pie is vastly superior to cake as a dessert

I'm more of a pie guy than I'm a cake guy. I think pie clears cake all day. Birthday cake. Pretty decent pie. Vastly superior.

Ice cream is vastly superior to cake for birthday celebrations

Ice cream is better than cake. Why don't they just do ice cream at every birthday? No, they do cake way more than ice cream at a birthday. [Ice cream] is better.

The tennis ball is the most versatile ball for individual use

Tennis balls I think are more versatile than a baseball or a golf ball. If you had the option to be left alone with a tennis ball, a golf ball or baseball... it's tennis ball all day. You throw it against the wall, bounce it off the ground, throw it up to yourself.

A bowl is a perfect delivery vessel because you never have a bad meal served in one

There's nothing really that you have a bad bowl of. You know what I mean? When you're getting, when you're getting a bowl out, you're getting just good. It's like soup, ice cream. Cereal. A bowl delivers great things.

Catching is a miserable position, especially for players over 6'4"

Catching fucking sucked. I'm six five... I did not even like catching. You're always getting second guessed by the pitching coach and if somebody hits a home run, it's your fault. Stand out in the outfield and picking daisies that sort of thing is more my style. Save your knees and your back. I caught over a hundred games four years in a row in the minor leagues. It's terrible.

The Mets are a fundamentally confusing and failing franchise

The Mets do things sometimes that I think would probably fall under [hating each other], you know, but they're the fucking Mets. So that's just what happens. I just don't, I don't get their franchise at all. I played the East for too long and played against them. They just suck.

Clubhouse chemistry matters more than individual talent for winning championships

I think the Yankees have proved you can have all the best players, but If, you don't have the chemistry. It doesn't matter. You know, you gotta, you gotta gimme a, gimme a, a group of guys that might not be the best players, but they get along and they're all moving in the right direction and we'll go win.

Quality nutrition is the foundation of athlete performance

I think [food] is everything. Would you stop at McDonald's and feed your racehorse a Big Mac on the way to the track and expect him to win? Or would you wanna feed him the best food in the world and make sure he has everything he needs from a mind, body, spirit type of approach? We changed the medical, we changed the food and the clubhouse [in Washington] and did a lot of good stuff.

MLB is losing fans because hitters no longer prioritize batting average

The game's changed... now it's like everyone's throwing a hundred and wearing oven mitts. No one hits for average. I don't know, it's the game cycles through these things... but it is weird that batting averages have plummeted. I feel like we're losing fans [because of it].

Xander Schauffele's black Adidas shoes look like server shoes and make him look slow

The all black shoes are tough because you kind of look like a server. Like you look like you're gonna ha pass me some like bacon wrap scallops. I'm telling you, you look slow. White shoes look faster.

The Olympics place a unique emphasis on finishing top-three that is not found in other golf tournaments

In the Olympics everyone's fighting to finish in the top three more so than any tournament. You know, you podium versus if you don't do well and you come in second or third. I think the emphasis on second and third is a lot more than a normal tournament.

Taking a long time to poop is a masculine dad move

I actually kind of feel like this is like my first, like I'm feel like a masculine dad because I feel like that's a very big dad move for the all the kids in the house to be like, yeah. Dad goes and takes long shits. Being like, I'm going to the shit or I'll be back in three hours.

Donald Trump is a very impressive golfer for his age

Stick to sports. But he is a very good golfer. He did the video with Bryson [DeChambeau] and he, he was impressive... with like if you or I or PFT was playing with Bryson. It's doubtful that we would be have his [score].

The WNBA's momentum will be killed by its four-week Olympic break

My Hot Seat, coincidentally... The WNBA. They won't be playing basketball for four weeks. So imagine if, like the 1988 dunk contest. It was incredible. And then the NBA just didn't happen for four weeks. All the momentum they've gained, just nothing's gonna happen.

Waffles are superior to pancakes in every way

I'm going to go waffles. Love waffles. Superior to pancakes in every way. Waffles versatile. You can go sweet... or you can go savory. The nooks and crannies make it.

Breakfast burritos are better than breakfast tacos outside of Austin

In Austin, you are correct [that tacos are better]. But the rest of the country breakfast burrito is always better than a breakfast taco. Where have you had a good breakfast taco outside of Austin? Breakfast tacos are good, but they're like a, they're a treat for like certain parts of the country.

The Taco Bell Breakfast Crunchwrap is the best fast food item in the entire world

This is my, maybe my favorite item that you can purchase at a fast food restaurant in the entire world. The Taco Bell Breakfast Crunchwrap. It is so fucking good. I want, I'm gonna order one tomorrow.

Cold pizza is an elite breakfast food

I think it's an elite breakfast: cold slice of pizza. So good. It's zero calorie. Tastes great. Just put a little hot sauce on it. Yeah, it's great. I love, I love having pizza for breakfast.