Takes

The Big Ten must change its rules to ensure Ohio State makes the conference championship and the playoff

The Big Ten, at least some fans of the Big Ten, are so antiquated with reality... Ohio State is playing a different sport and on a different level... You could say, hey, Ohio State going to the college football playoff is good for the perception of the Big Ten. It's $6 million to the conference that gets dispersed evenly. Maybe we should focus on getting our team better instead of trying to drag Ohio State back down.

Mr. Unlimited is a 'killer instinct mentality' and an 'alter ego'

Unlimited comes from this idea that... You know, you have to, you know, in the midst of a season, in the midst of life, you have to be able to, one, first of all, have fun and joke around. But I think also, too, you kind of got to have this killer instinct, you know, no matter what you do, you know, you kind of have got to have this other side of you. This is kind of the other side of me, you know, Mr. Unlimited, just that mentality, you know, that anything's possible.

I have a clutch gene that runs through my veins and strikes fear in the other team

You got to have a clutch gene. You got to have this clutch gene. You got to have that DNA where it runs through your veins and it runs through your team it runs through the emotion of the game and it runs through the other team's mind too as well.

When I walk on the field I feel like Michael Jordan or Derek Jeter stepping up to the plate

It's like Michael Jordan or a certain Derek Jeter comes up to the plate. The guy on second base, you feel like he's always going to knock him in. I feel like that every time I walk up to the plate. I feel like that every time I walk up to the field.

You just humble-answered me — that's exactly what we asked you not to do

All right, but you're fucking awesome. You just humble answered me. You just did the same thing.

The Super Bowl loss changed my career for the better — that's where being unlimited comes from

I think it changed my career for the better in terms of how I overcome obstacles, how I come through situations, how I get ready and be fully prepared. That was a critical moment, and I think that's where that alter ego kind of comes up a little bit. You've got to be a little bit unlimited when everybody else is telling you you're not this, you're not that.

When you launch a 60-yard deep ball on the road and the whole crowd goes silent, there's this peace

One of my favorite things when you're playing on the road and everybody's booing you, everybody's screaming and the whole crowd noise and all that stuff's going on. And then you got a guy going down the sideline, you launch this 60 yard deep go ball and the whole crowd goes, yeah. And there's this pause and moment in time where the ball's spinning down in the air, and boom, he catches it.

The Rose Bowl field feels like a par five golf green

the sun's just going down and the field feels like a golf course it feels like a par five right on the green

The 'Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?' debate is the worst thing ever

My who's back of the week is people asking, is Die Hard a Christmas movie? I saw it start to happen. Fuck. This is the hot dog is a sandwich debate. If anybody asks you this question, they are a police officer. Do not answer them... Please don't do it. I will lose respect for you.

I'm officially abandoning my Drew Lock 'moxie' take

Drew Lock, I'm ready to abandon. I'm not apologizing. I'm ready to abandon my Drew Lock take, the Moxie take. Please advise me for the most elegant way I can dismount from that take without admitting I was wrong about it.

Kevin Stefanski is the Coach of the Year leader

My top four... Number one, Kevin Stefanski, Cleveland Browns. Agreed. Number two, Brian Flores, Miami Dolphins. I mean, the Dolphins have been bad forever, and he's basically turned this thing around... Number three, Mike Tomlin. Number four... it's Joe Judge.

Baker Mayfield is a good quarterback you can win with, but never a top five guy

I think we all know kind of what Baker is now. He is a good quarterback that can play great at times, but he's good. I don't think Baker will ever be a top five quarterback in the league, but you can win with Baker Mayfield.

Pete Carroll has swung too far into 'Let Russ Cook' and needs to run more

You know what's funny is this is a week where Pete Carroll should have reverted to old Pete Carroll and been like, we're going to establish the fucking run... Pete Carroll has swung the pendulum too far in the Russ Cook department. It needs to come back. Russell Wilson threw the ball 43 times... Balanced offense matters.

The Steelers should lose to the Washington Football Team to reset their season

So that means that they should lose this game against the Washington football team. I actually think that they should try to lose a game just so that everyone can be down on them and then they can come back and be like, fuck you, revenge tour in the playoffs.

The Saints are currently the best team playing in the NFL

But if you're talking about who's playing the best right this second, it would probably be Saints. It's without a doubt the Saints.

The Rockets and Wizards both lost the Russell Westbrook for John Wall trade

The John Wall-Russell Westbrook trade was hilarious because it was a trade where I think both teams lost. It's essentially the status quo.

Pulling Blake Snell from the World Series was a mistake driven by numbers over gut

I think he [Kevin Cash] went with the numbers and didn't go with his gut... Blake Snell, no pitcher really should want to come out unless they injure themselves... he wasn't close to being done.

DK Metcalf's muscles are too big and cause him to drop footballs

DK [Metcalf] dropped another touchdown catch, and we're beginning to think he might have a problem, that maybe his muscles are too big and they push the shoulder pads out. The ball hits the shoulder pads. He can't make body catches.

Bill Walton's commentary only works at 11:00 PM; he is 'exposed' during daytime games

The problem is it's in the middle of the day. Bill Walton is exposed when he's in the middle of the day. It's usually 11 o'clock at night... and it's pretty much just you and Bill Walton. Right now, the whole world's kind of watching because it's sports during the day... we've got to get him off of this daytime slot.

Fraser Fir is the only acceptable Christmas tree; do not buy Douglas Fir or Spruce

Bottom line is get yourself a Fraser fir. Don't go for Douglas fir. Don't let them talk you into a fucking spruce. Worst of all, go with a Fraser fir as a former Christmas tree salesman, I can tell you. Actually, no one's ever a former Christmas tree salesman. For life.

Using aluminum foil on a grill is a mistake because you lose the 'fire' flavor

I like my steaks to stay juicy... but I've since been told that I need to sacrifice that to be able to get that true grill flavor. That was the last day I used aluminum foil ever. But that was my thought. But apparently it was a flawed thinking.

The best movies must tickle your funny bone, tug on your heartstrings, and blow your mind

In my opinion the best movies do three things: tickle your funny bone, tug on your heartstrings, blow your mind... any time a movie kind of leaves you laughing and crying and kind of makes you think too – I mean, I don't know how you beat that.

You cannot know if a relationship is a 'rebound' until it actually ends

I think you don't know that it's a rebound until afterwards. In the middle of a rebound, it just feels cool... so a rebound could always be just a put-back dunk until you hit the ground. So you haven't hit the ground just yet, so it's impossible to know how to score it.

The Bears should take a year off from football

I'd be cool if the Bears just not playing football anymore. Just implode the team. Stop the count. No, I want them to exist, but maybe take one year off.

The NFL should stop putting the Bears in primetime

I think I speak for America when I say the Bears playing in one of the primetime slots needs to end. Next year when the schedule comes out, you give us that fucking one Thursday game early in the season, the Jacksonville Jaguars rule, give us that Thursday game, and then be done with it. No more Bears in primetime.

The Washington Football Team's strategy is to wait for every other QB in the NFC East to get hurt

I think the Washington football team's strategy is starting to finally come to full fruition here. It is essentially like pass the ball five yards down the field with Alex Smith and then wait for every other quarterback in the NFC East to get hurt. And that's the strategy, and it's now we're two-thirds of the way there.

The Giants job is one of the best in the NFL because of Justin Herbert

I would actually throw out there that the Chargers job is probably going to be one of the top jobs out there, simply by the fact that Justin Herbert looks for real... You have the recipe for a championship window. The quarterback on his rookie deal, who in the next couple years could be a bona fide guy.

The Raiders' defense is hot garbage

The Raiders' defense is hot garbage. I mean hot garbage. Hot garbage like straight out of the microwave. And you know that... Defensively, they ain't going nowhere with that bull jump, man.

Tom Brady cannot play after 8 p.m. at night

I'm starting to believe the theory that Tom Brady cannot play after 8 p.m. at night. [PFT: I really do think this is true.] And as the game goes on, he gets worse.

The Buccaneers are a team full of names rather than a cohesive football team

It feels like they have a team full of names and not a football team. You know what I mean? They have some great players, but as a cohesive football team, sometimes it's looked bad against really good opponents.

Bruce Arians needs to start yelling at Tom Brady again

Arians was kind of treating him with kid gloves after the game. He was saying, like, he was taking responsibility and saying that those picks weren't Tom Brady's fault. And it's like, you want Bruce Arians to yell at you and call you a shithead. When he stops calling you a shithead, that's when it becomes an issue.

Pat Fitzgerald is the most disrespected coach in America

I actually had a spin zone that you are the most disrespected coach in America... Pat Fitzgerald is a great coach and has a very good program, and people should recognize that... They are a good program that is consistently good, and you are a great coach, and people need to recognize that.

Bill Belichick always beats franchises that historically stink

I also think that Belichick is really good against teams that historically have sucked. Like, I'm always going to look at the Cardinals franchises: Oh, they'll always stink. There's no chance that they can beat Bill Belichick at home.

The Bears are a bad franchise and it is embarrassing to root for them

They're such a bad, bad team. Bad franchise. Fuck, man. It sucks... It's so painful. No one wants to see it... I wish their games were at fucking 3 in the morning. Honestly. On pay-per-view. So you have to choose to opt in to subject yourself to Bears games.

Derek Carr has officially improved and we need to stop thinking of him as mediocre.

There is definitely like an old Derek Carr thing that we have in our brain that we have to move past and be like, he's actually just good.

The Saints' defense has all the components of a Super Bowl-winning unit.

The Saints defense has all of the bones to be a Super Bowl team. They have the bones to win the Super Bowl... they are rounding into form at the perfect time.

Matt Patricia should be fired after the Lions' shutout loss to the Panthers.

This is an absolute – and we never talk about another man's job, but this is a firing loss. You can't get shut out by a defense that's not very good in a game that you're kind of fighting for.

The Patriots' season is officially over after losing to the Texans.

Yes, I was wrong. The season's over. That was the towel throwing in loss because you had to beat the Texans.

Carson Wentz is not the guy for the Eagles and they should move on.

This is not the guy... You can't just try to justify because you made a mistake and paid him a ton of money, which you're going to probably get out of that contract as soon as you can. But you've got to be able to establish that team... You've got to get away from that kid.

Chris Godwin is a Robin, not a Batman, in the Buccaneers' wide receiver room.

[Chris Godwin] is not a one. He's definitely not a one. He's a Robin. He's not Batman, but he's a Robin.

Northwestern fans need to stop pretending to be a scrappy underdog and act like a good football program.

I just cannot stand Northwestern fans... You can't do the, we're the little engine that could. We're the scrappy underdog. No one cares about Northwestern... Stop pretending like every win is like, oh, my God, we fucking... shock the world and we beat you. You won the Big Ten West two years ago.

If the Maryland football team beats Michigan, they are officially respected in the Big Ten.

I am officially saying that if Maryland beats Michigan, they're into the Big Ten in football.

Jadeveon Clowney is no longer a good football player

Like Jadeveon Clowney in college, I was like, that guy's not going to be good at the next level because he wears number two. I was right. He's not good anymore.

Joe Judge has officially changed the culture of the New York Giants

So Joe Judge, just the idea that Joe Judge would possibly go at an offensive lineman, a former offensive lineman, now offensive line coach, means that Joe Judge has officially changed the culture for the New York Giants, and they are a goodish football team.

I could definitely beat up Matt Nagy

I could beat up Matt Nagy for sure. I'd just be like, dude, your play calling sucks.

Michael Thomas is a terrible fit for Jameis Winston's deep-passing skill set

I can't think of a wide receiver that fits Jameis Winston's skill set less than Michael Thomas. Just running slants, just going as close to linebackers as possible. Bad, bad. Yeah, just tell him, I know that your captain slant runs straight downfield. Go deep, go deep.

The 2020 Steelers are a 'fun' offensive team, not just a defensive juggernaut

I'm starting to embrace the fact that the Steelers are fun... the Steelers are a fun offensive football team, and it's taken me probably two and a half years of them actually being electric on offense for me to accept that fact.

Justin Jefferson must be the centerpiece of the Vikings offense over Dalvin Cook

You can't throw the ball too little to Justin Jefferson, too much to Justin Jefferson. This dude is a complete freak. And it just sickens me... to see this offense run the ball first down after first down with Dalvin Cook picking up three yards... Just throw the ball more to [Jefferson] and stop running the ball on first downs with Dalvin Cook.

Success is the only thing that separates a visionary from a fool

The difference between being a visionary and a fool is success. If it happens, you're a visionary. You're brilliant, right? Well, if it doesn't happen, you're an asshole.

Billy Football's 285-pound bench press max is embarrassing

Billy actually said hovering around 285, which means he doesn't bench 285, which 285 is embarrassing... for a guy that spent four years in a weight program in high school and then three years in a weight program in college.