PMT DB
PMT DB
Kirk Cousins on Creed and Grilling, Plus Bonus Football Chaos
The Philadelphia Eagles are officially dead, and the Monday night cleanup was less of a recap and more of a funeral for the Doug Pederson era. The guys watched the Seahawks dismantle them, though everyone had to respect the garbage-time two-point conversion that ruined countless nights for bettors. While DK Metcalf continues to look like a created player, PFT thinks there might be a physical limit to his greatness.
PFT CommenterDK Metcalf's muscles are so large they interfere with his ability to make body catches.
DK [Metcalf] dropped another touchdown catch, and we're beginning to think he might have a problem, that maybe his muscles are too big and they push the shoulder pads out. The ball hits the shoulder pads. He can't make body catches.
Big Cat and PFT are seeing the writing on the wall in Philly. When an offensive-minded head coach starts talking about giving up play-calling duties, you can usually start packing the boxes.
Big CatDoug Pederson has officially entered the process of being fired.
Doug Pederson has officially started the process of getting fired. And I say that because Doug Peterson said afterwards he prides himself on calling plays... for the first time, he's mentioned that a change in play caller could be on the table.
With Carson Wentz looking like he’s playing with a broken controller, the solutions are getting desperate. Big Cat thinks Carson needs to take a page out of the veteran playbook to save whatever is left of his reputation before next season.
Big CatCarson Wentz should fake a knee injury to preserve his career and sit out the rest of the season.
If I were Carson Wentz, I would just fake an injury right now. I'd take the coward's way out... and be like, oh, my knee, it hurts. Oh, I have COVID. And just be like, next year we'll start fresh.
Steroids, Trees, and Daytime Bill Walton
The NFL schedule is currently a disaster, giving us Wednesday afternoon football because NBC apparently needs to broadcast a tree lighting ceremony. It’s a mess, but we're getting bonus football nonetheless. Meanwhile, in Houston, Will Fuller and Bradley Roby got popped for PEDs, which PFT noted was the most obvious suspension in league history given Fuller's suddenly indestructible hamstrings.
PFT CommenterWill Fuller's ability to stay healthy this season is direct proof that he was using performance-enhancing drugs.
The only season that Will Fuller hasn't had his hamstring fall off... he's got to be taking something. Right, of course. This is absolutely why he wasn't injured.
Hot Seat/Cool Throne featured Bill Walton, who has been "exposed" lately by being on the air during the day. Big Cat argued that Walton’s specific brand of madness is a delicacy that should only be consumed after 11:00 PM when you’re the only person awake and questioning your own reality.
Big CatBill Walton's commentary only works at 11:00 PM; he is 'exposed' during daytime games
The problem is it's in the middle of the day. Bill Walton is exposed when he's in the middle of the day. It's usually 11 o'clock at night... and it's pretty much just you and Bill Walton. Right now, the whole world's kind of watching because it's sports during the day... we've got to get him off of this daytime slot.
Billy Football also made his pitch to fight Jake Paul, providing a "smart" business breakdown that involved the Barstool Sportsbook and a hypothetical training montage in a barn. Billy is convinced this is the move that moves the needle.
Billy FootballA boxing match between me and Jake Paul makes perfect financial sense as a promotion for the Barstool Sportsbook.
Hypothetically, we need to promote the Barstool Sportsbook app in a new state where it's launching. We do this event sponsored by the Barstool Sportsbook... all that sponsorship money pays for Jake Paul to make the fight worth it, dude.
Kirk Cousins: The Nicest Man in the North
Kirk Cousins joined the show for what was essentially a 30-minute roast that he handled with terrifying levels of kindness. The guys hit him with every weird question they’ve accumulated over the years, starting with the infamous tinfoil steaks. Kirk admitted it was a rookie mistake on the grill.
Kirk CousinsUsing aluminum foil on a grill is a mistake because you lose the 'fire' flavor.
I like my steaks to stay juicy... but I've since been told that I need to sacrifice that to be able to get that true grill flavor. That was the last day I used aluminum foil ever.
They touched on everything from his Washington days to his desire to hire Scott Stapp for a private acoustic Creed concert. PFT tried to break him with a deep-dive statistical analysis connecting Kirk’s road performance to the proximity of local megachurches. Kirk, ever the pro, didn't even blink. He even walked the guys through his movie-watching philosophy, which is as wholesome as you’d expect.
Kirk CousinsThe best movies must tickle your funny bone, tug on your heartstrings, and blow your mind
In my opinion the best movies do three things: tickle your funny bone, tug on your heartstrings, blow your mind... any time a movie kind of leaves you laughing and crying and kind of makes you think too – I mean, I don't know how you beat that.
World Chase Tag and Relationship Dunking
For Embrace Debate, the guys tackled the news of parkour potentially hitting the Olympics. Big Cat is all-in on World Chase Tag instead, arguing that any sport with a definitive winner and loser is superior to one based on judges' vibes.
Big CatWorld Chase Tag is a superior concept to Parkour and should be an Olympic sport
I want a sport where if you tag a guy, there you go. Where there's a winner and there's a loser... It's basically parkour, but with an element of tag. That's an Olympic sport... This sport, this tag sport, is ten times the sport of handball.
Finally, Guys on Chicks covered everything from swallowing earrings to the science of the rebound relationship. PFT used a basketball metaphor to explain why you can never truly judge a rebound while you're still in the air.
PFT CommenterYou cannot know if a relationship is a 'rebound' until it actually ends
I think you don't know that it's a rebound until afterwards. In the middle of a rebound, it just feels cool... so a rebound could always be just a put-back dunk until you hit the ground. So you haven't hit the ground just yet, so it's impossible to know how to score it.
If you ever find yourself eating peanut butter off your own anatomy with your dog, just know Billy Football is the only one in the room who will actually suggest calling the ASPCA.
