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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Fraser Fir is the only acceptable Christmas tree; do not buy Douglas Fir or Spruce

Bottom line is get yourself a Fraser fir. Don't go for Douglas fir. Don't let them talk you into a fucking spruce. Worst of all, go with a Fraser fir as a former Christmas tree salesman, I can tell you. Actually, no one's ever a former Christmas tree salesman. For life.

The quality of a Christmas tree is subjective, though Fraser firs are widely regarded for needle retention.

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Void
Dec 2, 2020
#474
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

DK Metcalf's muscles are so large they interfere with his ability to make body catches.

DK [Metcalf] dropped another touchdown catch, and we're beginning to think he might have a problem, that maybe his muscles are too big and they push the shoulder pads out. The ball hits the shoulder pads. He can't make body catches.

This is a humorous and subjective anatomical theory about a wide receiver's performance.
Loss
Dec 2, 2020
#475
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

A smart NFL team should hire Cam Newton as a specialist for two-point conversions only.

What a smart team should do is they should just hire Cam Newton to be their all-time two-point conversion quarterback. Go for two guy. Go for two every single time.

Cam Newton continued to play as a traditional quarterback for the Patriots and Panthers and was never utilized solely as a two-point conversion specialist.
Win
Dec 2, 2020
#476
Big CatBig Cat

Doug Pederson has officially entered the process of being fired.

Doug Pederson has officially started the process of getting fired. And I say that because Doug Peterson said afterwards he prides himself on calling plays... for the first time, he's mentioned that a change in play caller could be on the table.

Doug Pederson was fired by the Philadelphia Eagles on January 11, 2021, less than six weeks after this episode aired.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.