Takes

Jimmy Butler going to the Rockets would be healthy because he would blow everything up immediately

Jimmy Butler gets in, and he just blows everything up. I think that's way more entertaining and, frankly, more healthy [than the Rockets' current passive-aggressive state].

Daryl Morey is playing with house money and the Jimmy Butler pursuit is his ultimate move

It's almost like he's playing with house money at this point, and Jimmy Butler, J-Butt, is the ultimate house money move.

LeBron James giving Anthony Davis his number 23 jersey means it is now Davis' team

I think that means that this is Anthony Davis' team though. I think it does. If we're talking Batman and Robin, the Batman definitely wears number 23.

Step Brothers is a movie that holds up perfectly between commercial breaks on TV

Step Brothers is so rewatchable. You know what's crazy? When I first saw Step Brothers I didn't think it was that good but now if you see it on TV every scene every like in between commercial breaks holds up on its own and you have to watch the whole thing.

Wrestling heels must stay in character at the arena to maintain credibility with fans

My thing is when you're a bad guy, a heel, you, of course, obviously just the character you play, but when you're on site at the arena, you have to play the character. You have to because if you don't, if you're nice to everybody and then an hour later when you're in the ring and trying to get people to boo you, people are like, oh, I'm not going to boo you.

My upcoming match against Kenny Omega at AEW Double or Nothing is the most important of my career

The match we're going to have this Saturday for the first All Elite Wrestling show, Double or Nothing versus Kenny Omega for the rematch... I think it's something that's very important because it's the first show in AEW's history with the biggest match that we have... that's going to be a very important in the zone type of match.

It is harder for a jockey to transition to NASCAR than for a NASCAR driver to transition to horse racing

I think a jockey trying to go race NASCAR would be the tougher transition. [NASCAR drivers] would have the tougher transition... I mean, the horses take when that horse takes off it's hard... but I think a jockey trying to go race NASCAR would be the tougher transition.

Dwayne Haskins finally gives Redskins fans something to be excited about

We did draft Haskins, which it gets me excited as a fan. I mean, if we were going into this offseason and camp and preseason without Haskins, look at the rest of the quarterbacks on the team. I mean, I can't get excited about that.

NASCAR crew chiefs must bend or break the rules to be successful

If you take a car that's legal from front to back, completely legal through the rule book, you're not going to run very well. You're not going to do well. And the crew chiefs, the crew chief that I want, the team that I want, are the ones that are willing to gamble and be aggressive with the rules, bend the rules, maybe break a few rules, because I know that that's what I'm competing against.

Adam Silver's public 'discussion' of fan ideas is just a brilliant PR move to appease Reddit

Adam Silver is a genius because he just basically goes on NBA Reddit, reads the most upvoted idea for how to fix the NBA, and then says, we're going to discuss it in this offseason, and maybe we'll make some changes.

The best way to move up in your grandmother's power rankings is to move in and take care of her

Move in and take care of grandma. Oh, absolutely... and she will love you and you will move right to the top of the pile.

The NBA holding their awards show in late June is a stupid move

I don't want a fucking award show on a random Monday in June. Mentally, we do as fans [care about the postseason results]. I'm thinking, of course James Harden didn't win it because the Rockets flamed out again. It's so stupid that they do it this way. They should just do it right before the playoffs.

The Houston Rockets are in hilarious denial about the James Harden and Chris Paul dysfunction

The Rockets stuff is so funny to me... Chris Paul also had a quote that was essentially the 'I'm not owned' [tweet]. He said, 'I never asked for a trade. I never demanded a trade. I'll be in Houston. I'm happy about that.' You guys thinking that me, Chris Paul, notorious tough person to play with, is not vibing with James Harden, also notorious tough person to play with—that's funny to me, guys. I'm laughing here. This is so funny.

Kemba Walker is the perfect example of a player who is good but not 'Supermax' good

Kemba Walker is like the perfect case of he's good, but he's not Supermax good. I think they also—they gave it such a cool term, Supermax, that it's tough to turn down. [The Hornets] should have done the Boogie Cousins and traded him because if you trade someone, they can't get the Supermax.

Kyrie Irving is clearly the common denominator for the locker room dysfunction at his various stops

There was this tweet that was the quotes from Kyrie Irving's basically last four or five years where essentially he said that he hated all his teammates and all his coaches at every stop. Like, hey, man, eventually you are the asshole, right?

I side with Mets manager Mickey Callaway for trying to fight a reporter who made a passive-aggressive comment

I actually kind of side with Mickey Callaway here... the Newsday reporter said 'see you tomorrow,' which is the classic like 'oh half day move' that the asshole in the office pulls when you're taking it off early. You're being an ironic asshole. I think that would piss me off. I have Mickey Callaway's back there.

The Warriors training staff is sketchy and prioritizes the team over player health

My hot seat is the Warriors training staff. Since the Durant injury, there's been rumors about how Durant was ripshit over the Warriors training staff for kind of lying to him and telling him that the injury wasn't as bad... And Iguodala went on The Breakfast Club today, and he basically revealed himself that he had a fractured leg in the 2018 playoffs, but that was kept under wraps and downplayed.

Cam Newton needs to offer $50,000 for a first-class seat upgrade, not $1,500

Cam Newton offering $1,500 cash to someone sitting in first class on a flight to France. No one ever would do that deal. You have to offer twenty thousand dollars, thirty thousand dollars. Cam Newton is going to make $140 million currently. He has to offer $50,000.

I hope Josh Gordon returns to the Patriots because he is a really good football player and can help the team

Selfishly, I want [Josh Gordon] because he's a really good football player and he can help us. You know, I don't know anything going into it. Like legit, I've asked 30 people in the organization... and no one knows not one thing. So we're just kind of sitting and waiting to see if what the circumstances are going to be with him.

Learn to do everything left-handed when you are eight years old

I would say learn to do everything left-handed. Tie your right hand behind your back for a while [when you're eight].

Cursive is an overrated and useless skill

Cursive is overrated. All of our eight-year-old listeners, cursive is [fucking]... You'll never need it again.

Creative people usually peak in their 20s

When I think about creative people, usually those peak years are in those 20s. You know, you're seeing things for the first time, you're experiencing them in new ways and you're reacting.

You are basically the same person from age 50 to 60

When you're 60, you don't look at a picture of yourself when you're 50 and you're like, oh, I was such a shithead. You're basically the same person at that point.

You actually believe you are 100% invincible when you are 20 years old

When you're 20... you actually do think that you were 100% invincible. I think of dumb shit... stupid shit that you do when you're 20, you honestly think you will survive everything and anything that happens.

Happiness must come from within rather than your paycheck

Your happiness has to come from within because if you do start comparing your success and your happiness to paychecks and you're like, I'm making less than my friend. He must be happier than me. That's not accurate. You could be happier making less.

Get in shape before age 30 or you'll be stuck in that shape forever

Getting back, getting in good shape before 30, because once you hit 30, you're in that same shape forever. I'm like a fucking walking poster child that I haven't been able to get back in shape in five years.

Always wear a seatbelt, even if you are only driving two blocks

Just always wear a seatbelt. No matter how far you're going... I got T-boned one time, and I was maybe two blocks from my house, and I was wearing a seatbelt, and if I wasn't wearing a seatbelt, head, boom, side windshield, boom.

Never skimp on items between you and the ground

I also subscribe to the theory of not skimping on things... That are in between you and the ground. So like tires and shoes and mattresses. And anything that separates you from the ground, don't be afraid to spend a little more on it.

I can instantly tell if someone hates me or if they are full of shit

I think I'm great at being able to tell if someone hates me, if someone's full of shit. I want to say like FBI level lie detections... I can leave a room and go, that guy doesn't like me... I've just been around long enough... that I just think I've honed that skill.

It is responsible to continue betting after your child is born because the baby might be good luck

It's actually responsible of you from a fiscal standpoint to continue betting, if not more so than you were before, because the baby might be good luck.

I'm throwing it out there that I have 350-pound dad strength now

I want to do like a full study on whether dad strength is a real thing. 350 probably. I'm going to throw that out there. 350. I'd say dad strength is a thing. Yep.

I actually like the Bulls roster because everyone fits together

the bulls actually did something i agree with baby jordan a point guard yes another north carolina guy they've drafted a point guard when they needed a point guard the bulls roster i actually like it because everyone fits

NBA draft workouts and team meetings are overrated

I think it's complete. The draft workouts and all that stuff, I think it's overrated. I kind of like that. Who knows? Maybe he's an awesome guy, and it's better to just not meet him.

VAR is ruining soccer and we should go back to just complaining about refs

My other fire fest... is robots. Especially VAR robots in the World Cup, in the Women's World Cup. It's ruining soccer. It is absolutely ruining it. I'm actually the mindset that I'm out on instant replay across the board. I think we've gone too far. Fuck the robots. We need to complain about refs.

90 minutes is the perfect length for a comedy movie

And it's only like, it's like 90 minutes, which is, I think a perfect comedy movie time. Because whenever they try to do like... a hundred minutes, you know, there's going to be 15 minutes where they're like, this just stretches on. Seeing under 100 minutes, I'm instantly more likely to click it.

It's funny to catch on to a trend or hype cycle way late after it's no longer cool

It's funny to not be... eating on the hype when it's hot. Catch it way later. And then bring it back. Revive it.

Ladybugs are good luck and you should never eat them

Are you sure [the bug eater is] not one of you? ... He started eating ladybugs. Well, no, you don't eat ladybugs. Ladybugs are luck. They're good luck.

James Harden and Chris Paul hate each other because the Warriors drove them insane

These two guys are very outstanding basketball players... but they develop these little nitpicky things that they have to go at each other by because they're just not good enough to beat the Warriors. So now all of a sudden they fucking hate each other because the Warriors have just driven them insane.

The NBA Draft is the most anticlimactic show on television

Is there any more anticlimactic TV show than the NBA draft? ... It's like the reverse of watching an actual NBA game is like you only have to tune in for the first five minutes of the NBA draft and then you're good to go.

You shouldn't make daily small talk with coworkers who are outside of your direct department because they probably hate you

If you don't work with them directly, you shouldn't be striking up conversations with people every single day. Because those people probably hate you.

LeBron James having a full head of hair again proves that wealth has officially cured baldness

I'm happy for LeBron because... there's a certain level of wealth/fame that if you can't figure out your hair, no one else has a shot in life. So LeBron is the perfect case where... you have to know that baldness has been cured by some level of wealth. This is the whole reason why people aspire to have wealth is so that they don't go bald.

The 'Dad Bod' trend is a total lie

Dad bod is such a lie... You love Seth Rogen because he's so funny and he gets high and he makes funny movies. That's not what every other dad bod [is]. We're dad bods because we're lazy and we're grumpy and we suck. At everything.

The MLB draft system is essentially a servitude that hurts the sport

The common theme was you get what the guy got last year, and if you don't accept it, you're greedy... So it basically turned into a servitude. And I really felt that was not good for the game because I felt we're going to lose the great athletes to other sports.

MLB draft caps incentivize teams to lose on purpose

When they put that [draft] cap in, what did it do for the game? It had a horrible impact because what it created is... teams say, 'Wait a minute, I don't want to be competitive at the big league level because I want these draft picks.' So one-third of the league says, 'Why win 80 games when I want to really only win 65 and get top picks?'

The awarding of the World Cup to Qatar was definitely not above board

The former president of FIFA was arrested because it turns out the awarding of the World Cup to Qatar or Qatar may not have been above board. Oh, you think? No doy.

Vacation activities are overrated; a perfect honeymoon is just hanging out at a beach or pool and getting hammered

This is why activities on vacations are overrated in general. Really, a guy's perfect honeymoon or vacation is just go somewhere, hang out at a beach, a pool, and then get hammered. He only does the activities because you want to do the activities.

Brooks Koepka's primary focus for 2019 is winning the Open Championship.

He said to us that he's really focusing on the Open Championship this year, the British Open. That's the one he doesn't have. He really, really wants that one. ... He was looking ahead to whatever [course] they're going to be on in a couple of months.

The 2019 U.S. Open course at Pebble Beach was a disappointment

The course fucking sucked. A bit of a disappointment for the guys that root for the course out there. ... Overall, kind of a disappointing showing from the course. I feel like it's got to drop a little bit in the world rankings.

Brooks Koepka was screwed by the fact that the U.S. Open was moving too slow.

Brooks got screwed by the fact that everything was moving too slow. And we know Brooks doesn't like to play slow. He likes to play fast. ... He's an adrenaline guy. So the second you slow him down, it was like putting in a relief pitcher. They kind of took the rhythm out of Brooks Koepka.

Gary Woodland was a poor sport for chipping off the green at the U.S. Open.

By the way, Gary Woodland, very, very poor sport when he chipped off the green. ... Are you allowed to chip off the green as long as you don't take a divot and you apologize to the course afterwards?