James Harden and Chris Paul hate each other because the Warriors drove them insane

These two guys are very outstanding basketball players... but they develop these little nitpicky things that they have to go at each other by because they're just not good enough to beat the Warriors. So now all of a sudden they fucking hate each other because the Warriors have just driven them insane.

Kawhi Leonard is definitely leaving the Toronto Raptors

Doing a parade which looked awesome... and then continually answering questions when people say, like, 'What does this mean to Toronto?' and [Kawhi Leonard] is like, 'Well, it's something they can build on.' Why don't you ask someone who's lived in Toronto for more than four months? It doesn't feel like he's staying.

MLB draft caps incentivize teams to lose on purpose

When they put that [draft] cap in, what did it do for the game? It had a horrible impact because what it created is... teams say, 'Wait a minute, I don't want to be competitive at the big league level because I want these draft picks.' So one-third of the league says, 'Why win 80 games when I want to really only win 65 and get top picks?'

Baseball front offices are beginning to realize that their expensive analytic valuation systems are somewhat of a fraud

Now, they're determining that this valuation system has a bit of a fraud to it, that it's not exactly quite real, because we have all these evaluations that they're making that are turning out to be probably about a 40% success rate to them... Whereas in just general scouting, the success rate may have been 60%. So all of a sudden there's an equilibrium being defined as to whether the old way or the new way [works better].

Long-term baseball contracts are actually deferment portals for the player's true value

Long-term contracts are... for the true value of the player in the short term being a deferment portal for those values that you didn't pay up front in the future years. For example, a player is worth $80 million a year... they pay him $32 million over 10 years. And then we have the public complaining that the last four years he didn't earn the $32 million when they forgot that he was worth $80 million the first four.

You shouldn't make daily small talk with coworkers who are outside of your direct department because they probably hate you

If you don't work with them directly, you shouldn't be striking up conversations with people every single day. Because those people probably hate you.

Mark Zuckerberg is going to run the world and we should all start bootlicking him now

The guy who just stole the world's privacy and helped rig elections is now going to control our money... I'm going to start bootlicking the shit out of Mark Zuckerberg because he's going to, like it or not, he's going to run the world. So you might as well get on his side early.

LeBron James having a full head of hair again proves that wealth has officially cured baldness

I'm happy for LeBron because... there's a certain level of wealth/fame that if you can't figure out your hair, no one else has a shot in life. So LeBron is the perfect case where... you have to know that baldness has been cured by some level of wealth. This is the whole reason why people aspire to have wealth is so that they don't go bald.

The awarding of the World Cup to Qatar was definitely not above board

The former president of FIFA was arrested because it turns out the awarding of the World Cup to Qatar or Qatar may not have been above board. Oh, you think? No doy.