Takes

Daniel Jones is Archie Manning's illegitimate child because they look identical

We've been saying that it's a good possibility that Daniel Jones is Archie Manning's illegitimate child. And that picture that came out yesterday certainly I think lended a lot of credence. I think you could just put those side by side, most people in America would be like, yeah, that guy is somehow related.

NBA Twitter needs to chill out during October

October is football and baseball. Chill out, NBA Twitter. Let us have a fucking month... Enough, NBA Twitter. You get your time. We're going to all pay attention to you... from like February till essentially July. So just chill out.

Professional sports should allow players to fight one fan per year to keep them in check

Every single sport should allow a player to have one time a year where they can fight a fan. It would keep fans in check. You never know if you're going to be that guy... It's like, and then once you use it, then the fans can really go in on you because it's like, oh, he's already used his this year.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are the funniest long con in professional sports history

The Jacksonville Jaguars might be the funniest thing to ever occur in professional sports. This has been a long con. We've all been owned... It's like a Wes Anderson movie. It's like you don't really appreciate a Wes Anderson movie. That's what the Jaguars are saying to everyone. You don't look at it the right way.

Michael Floyd shouldn't be charged for his DUI because he was asleep

It's a bad visual, but I guess it's better that he was asleep behind the wheel than if he was fully conscious and was thinking to himself, I'm driving drunk the entire time he was doing it... He was asleep, so he couldn't have been thinking, I shouldn't be doing this. So technically, it's not really a crime. Also... Is sleepwalking a crime if you do something bad in a sleepwalk? No, you can't be charged. So he should get off for this one.

Tim Duncan's massive back tattoo is a viral marketing stunt

To me, this screams viral marketing stunt... I would expect him to get such a lame back tattoo. But this is what happens when people retire from things. They end up falling into the first viral trap that their PR person brings in... We're going to get a big back tattoo that's fake. And then a week from now, you'll come out and be like... my tattoo artist has my back. You know who's got your back? It's Fidelity.

LeBron James was hungover for the Celtics game after drinking a beer at the World Series

LeBron got caught on TV sipping a little beer... You should have bet on the Celtics last night because LeBron James was hungover. A little dinged up.