Takes

Draymond Green is a top five uncle in professional sports

Draymond [Green] would be a top five uncle of professional athletes right now. He's like, I want to go hang out with Unky Draymond. Especially the one that's kind of fucked up and always angry at people.

Tom Brady kissing his son on the mouth was way too much

Tom Brady kisses his son on the mouth. And when, like, I mean kiss on the mouth, it's like pretty, pretty, pretty kiss. ... This was too much.

LeVar Ball is an deterrent for LeBron James going to the Lakers

This is a huge problem. Dad to dad, this is actually a great piece of news for LeVar Ball because I don't think LeVar Ball has time for a small baller like LeBron in L.A. LeVar wants to make sure that L.A. is a ball town. LeVar Ball actually might do the real outbreak thing and just hover in a helicopter above LAX and not let LeBron land in town.

LeVar Ball is a mastermind at putting out 'hater bait' to control the news cycle

LeVar Ball at this point, he's just masterful. He's just putting out hater bait for everyone. He's just like, go ahead. I'm going to pull my son out because we haven't been in the news cycle for maybe 24 hours. And then everyone's going to get mad.

Michael Jordan would amputate his own leg just to win a game against LaVar Ball

Michael Jordan is also so competitive that if LaVar responds to him, he might get his leg amputated just to play one game of basketball and beat him.

Tim Tebow is technically a father because of the number of Filipino boys he has circumcised.

I wouldn't say Tim Tebow's not a father. What's the exchange rate for the amount of Filipino boys that you circumcise before you become a father? ... It creates an entire child. And that is how Tim Tebow is a father.