PMT DB
PMT DB
Mike Portnoy and Chris Long on Legal Complaints and Philly Culture
The show opens with some massive news regarding JJ Watt. After months of the "Hey JJ" campaign, Big Cat and PFT Commenter have finally brokered a deal to get him on the program, provided they hit a charity goal. PFT is convinced the whole thing was a calculated move by the Texans' star to end the relentless Twitter replies.
PFT CommenterJJ Watt did a Twitter Q&A solely to set up his PMT interview appearance
I'm totally woke on the fact that [JJ Watt] was doing this, I think, just so that he could say – he knew that he was going to get HeyJJ'd in his replies. So I think he was just setting up this entire Q&A for the question about Pardon My Take so he would say, I will go on the show.
With the Final Four looming, the conversation shifts to the annual tradition of moving college basketball games into massive football stadiums. Big Cat isn't a fan of the change in environment for the shooters, but the picks are in regardless. While Hank is laying the points with Gonzaga, PFT is looking for a dominant performance from the Tar Heels.
PFT CommenterNorth Carolina will win their Final Four game by 20 and the championship by 10
I think [North Carolina] are going to win this game by 20. And then I don't care who they play in the finals. They're going to win by at least 10.
Big Cat agreed on North Carolina but specifically noted that the matchup doesn't favor the Ducks in the paint.
Big CatOregon is a bad matchup for North Carolina due to a lack of size
I do think North Carolina is going to win. I think they're the better team. And they're a bad matchup for Oregon... [Oregon] has athleticism. They do not have—they have a little length. A lot of athleticism. No size.
Before getting to the guests, the guys touched on the Aaron Hernandez trial, specifically the revelation that he had a man cave. PFT argued that the existence of a designated man cave should provide a certain level of legal immunity for anything that happens inside, including the most serious of crimes.
PFT CommenterA man cave should function as a legal safe haven where murder doesn't count
I think being in a man cave is basically like a lawyer's office for dudes... Murder doesn't count in a man cave. I don't know what they were doing. They were hanging up St. Pauli girl neon beer signs... whatever, just guys being guys in the man cave.
The People's Lawyer Returns
Mike Portnoy, the show's resident legal expert (and Dave's dad), joined the program to clear the air about being "fired" in favor of Jay Bilas. Mr. Portnoy was back in rare form, airing out his grievances against everything from the post office to the Pepperidge Farm company. He famously revealed that he ate Milano cookies for years after he stopped enjoying them just because they were there.
He also provided some questionable legal counsel regarding the Washington Wizards' old identity. PFT wants to start moving merchandise for the former Bullets, and the People's Lawyer thinks the trademark is essentially fair game.
Mr. PortnoyThe Washington Wizards abandoned the Bullets trademark, so it is now open for public use.
I i i would say uh give it a shot [selling Bullets merchandise]... I would say the argument would be they've abandoned it [the trademark]... it makes sense to me.
Mr. Portnoy's complaints didn't stop at sports. He detailed a harrowing multi-year saga with the post office involving singed mail and a lost pair of $300 boots, but his biggest beef remains with the way corporations use "policy" to shut down customers.
Mr. PortnoyLarge companies use 'company policy' as a way to project fake government-level authority and deny consumer rights.
But these big companies, they tell you, you know, I wanted to return something. And they say, you can't. And I said, who says? They said, that's our company policy. I mean, the company policy, they make it sound like the government has set this up and this is the way it's going to be forever.
Chris Long Gets Inked
Newly signed Philadelphia Eagle Chris Long called in while literally sitting in a tattoo parlor. Despite the needle being in his arm, he was ready to talk about his new home in Philly. He didn't take the bait on the Pat’s vs. Geno’s debate, but he did drop a massive bomb regarding the regional convenience store war, siding with the Pennsylvania rival.
Chris LongSheetz is definitively better than Wawa
I do think Sheetz is better than Wawa. That's the Homer in me.
As the new face in Philadelphia, Long is trying to embrace the culture, which apparently includes a very high tolerance for the Rocky cinematic universe. While most fans have a limit, Long is a completionist when it comes to Balboa.
Chris LongEvery single movie in the Rocky franchise is good, including Rocky V
I'm actually one of the few that likes every single movie out of the whole franchise... [I like Rocky V] I do.
Segments and Stay Woke
In a special Dad to Dad segment, Big Cat analyzed Tim Tebow's status as a father figure based on his missionary work in the Philippines.
Big CatTim Tebow is technically a father because of the number of Filipino boys he has circumcised.
I wouldn't say Tim Tebow's not a father. What's the exchange rate for the amount of Filipino boys that you circumcise before you become a father? ... It creates an entire child. And that is how Tim Tebow is a father.
This led into a heated Embrace Debate regarding Vice President Mike Pence's rule about never eating dinner alone with a woman who isn't his wife. PFT took it a step further, arguing that sharing a meal is actually a more intimate betrayal than anything else.
PFT CommenterEating dinner with a woman who isn't your wife is a form of cheating
I think that eating is a form of cheating. I think eating is actually worse than sex. Because if you think back to cavemen, cavemen, they wouldn't share a meal, right? But they go around fucking everything. That's guy stuff. Guys like to fuck... But eating, it's like, no, this is my sacred energy source. I'm not going to share it with you.
Finally, the show wrapped up with a Stay Woke on the health of a broadcasting legend. PFT is starting to suspect that the NFL is pulling a Weekend at Bernie's with John Madden to push through rule changes that the public might otherwise hate.
PFT CommenterJohn Madden is actually dead and the NFL is just faking his endorsements
I think that John Madden's actually dead. I think that the NFL is just attributing quotes to John Madden when they make changes to the game of football so that everybody would be like, oh, well, John Madden's a football guy. He approves of this change.
If you're going to the hospital this weekend, remember to keep your heart rate down or the nurses might think you're having a medical emergency when you're really just bored.
