Takes

Skip Bayless's brain should be studied because he genuinely does not care that everyone hates him

Skip Bayless's brain should be studied just because he truly does not care that everyone hates him. And I think he might be the only person on it that actually feels that way.

LeBron James can never match Michael Jordan's level of legendary asshole-ness

LeBron could never. Never, ever. ... MJ talks such great shit... [He] has a full staff walking around with highlights ready to go, depending on which NBA players he runs into. ... LeBron could never.

Bill O'Brien and Mike Zimmer will definitely be the ones to mess up the virtual draft technology

Bill O'Brien the head coach and Bill O'Brien the GM would be at the top of my list for that... I don't see them either one of them as being technology guys... Mike Zimmer definitely is going to be up there.

I'm becoming a Bill O'Brien fan because his stupidity has reached a level that is hilarious

I'm almost becoming a Bill O'Brien fan because there is that level where like you stupidity becomes so stupid that it's absolutely hilarious and you root for it because now he's an underdog. Well, if a really really stupid guys going up against a bunch of averagely smart guys... it seems like he's more in demand than DeAndre Hopkins even is.

Skip Bayless won by getting the Virginia Cavaliers to talk about him after the title game

Anytime a championship team talks about an analyst, a troll analyst, they won. Mission accomplished. No matter who it is, no matter what it is that's giving Stephen A. Smith attention, Stephen A. is basking in it.

The Bengals and Marvin Lewis are staying together for the kids

The Bengals and Marvin Lewis are staying together for the kids. And they're in a loveless relationship. That's okay. They don't fight in public. They don't kiss on the lips anymore. That's fine.

Bill Snyder will retire and then come back to coach Kansas State again

The best part about that extension is he's going to retire and come back within those five years. Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

Dwight Howard is the worst teammate of all time

Dwight Howard, the worst teammate. Can we say he's the worst teammate of all time? Embrace the bait... Dwight Howard just being the worst teammate ever and no one wanting him. He alienated his teammates before we met him.

Dwight Howard would work on the Celtics

I actually think he would work on the Celtics. Call me crazy. But they wouldn't let him be the alpha. And if he didn't fit, he wouldn't fit. But I think he could fit.

If LeBron James didn't call 'bank' on his game-winner, it shouldn't count the same

If you don't call bank in a situation like that, I don't think it should count. [Big Cat:] I'd rather be good than lucky... [PFT:] It was a bad shot that happened to go in. Correct. Which doesn't count the same as a good shot.

Nick Saban only hires former head coaches as interns so he can eventually beat them

Is this Nick Saban thinking ahead and saying, Butch Jones might get another job in the SEC, so I need to put him under my coaching tree so that I can beat him? Because he's undefeated against his coaching tree.

Dan Snyder is using the franchise tag on Kirk Cousins just to maintain control

Dan Snyder... has decided he's going to franchise tag Kirk Cousins after trading for older Kirk Cousins [Alex Smith]... It's just Snyder wanting to have control over a situation where he has no control. Which is everything.

Jeff Fisher is the 'Rasputin' of the NFL and is guaranteed a contract extension wherever he goes

You're not giving Jeff Fisher enough credit because Jeff Fisher, he's Rasputin. Once he gets in the building, he knows how to whisper into his boss. You shoot him and he just keeps walking forward. Jeff Fisher is absolutely getting at least one contract extension, no matter where he goes. That's a fact.

LaVar Ball is the living embodiment of my 'future me' theory

He is the living embodiment of future me. Yes. Because he, his, his theory is as long as I never admit anything's wrong, then nothing's wrong. Right. Exactly.

Andy Reid ordering three steaks at once is a total alpha move

Jeffrey Lurie said the first time he went out to dinner with Andy Reid, Andy Reid ordered three steaks at once. Such an alpha move. King's Stay Kings. That is an alpha move. Three steaks, one for every quarter that Andy coaches.

Jay Cutler will get injured within two months of starting for the Dolphins

I guess we're going to have to wait at least another two months until Jay gets hurt... So two months and he's going to get hurt.

If something is more expensive, that means it's better

If something's more expensive, that means it's better, right? Correct. Without a doubt. Like Fyre Fest tickets. That was the best concert of all time.

The Golden State Warriors are a worse team with Kevin Durant

I said that they were going to be worse with [Kevin Durant]. I said that. I was the only one. You called me an idiot. Guess what? The black hole is leaving Oakland, but he's the new black hole. You pass the ball to him, it disappears... I think he's the second best player in the NBA, but I think that they're a worse team with him.

Skip Bayless is right that Bill Belichick is only a very good coach, not a great one, because he hasn't won without a quarterback

Kings stay kings. He said, I don't think he's a great coach. I think he's a very good one... Bill Belichick has not won a Super Bowl without a quarterback. Not that good. He's good. He's great. He's very good, but he's not great. Right. Exactly.

Lady Gaga's Super Bowl halftime performance was stellar

Lady Gaga's halftime performance, which was stellar, by the way. Anyone who hated that, get out of my face. Stop listening to this show.

Mike Wilbon is actually a blogger because his job is the same as Barstool's

Has somebody explained to Mike Wilbon that his job is pretty literally our job? So he's a blogger, too. He doesn't even write columns anymore. You know what? Anybody that doesn't like bloggers, guess what? You're a blogger. I'm going to call you a blogger.

Jim Harbaugh's story about being hit by a mail truck as a kid is probably fake

Jim Harbaugh was Hit by a mail truck driver When he was 7 years old And he found the mail truck driver Nearly 50 years later In Iowa... This is a fake story. This is a fake story by Jim Harbaugh because this is... you can't come up with a story that's more Jim Harbaugh than this.

Bill Belichick will draft Christian McCaffrey next year

It's reached a point where I'm going to go to Vegas and put $100 on Belichick drafting Christian McCaffrey next year. And it's going to be the easiest money that I ever made.

Bill Belichick signs white receivers just to confuse Chris Collinsworth

I think that he just signs white receivers and running backs just to confuse Chris Collinsworth. So the announcers have to take another 15 seconds after they get a first down or touchdown to just make sure that they get the guy's name right.

Jeff Fisher's record for most losses in NFL history will never be broken

Jeff Fisher's losingest head coach in NFL history might be the untouchable record. ... Because they fire coaches now instantly. If you lose, you get two years max. There's no chance.

It is completely unfair to judge Jeff Fisher on his losing record

LA Rams COO Kevin Demoff said it's unfair to judge head coach Jeff Fisher on record. Kings stay Kings. Everybody will want to judge Jeff through the prism of just the record, but that's totally unfair when you look at the set of circumstances he was handed this year.

The Rams will announce an extension for Jeff Fisher immediately following their next win

Right now, after the Rams' next win, they're going to announce the extension. He's getting out in front of the story right now, laying a nice mattress down so that nobody's shocked. Next win of the Rams, they're going to use that as the premise to announce an extension.