Former NFL QB Sean Salisbury

Matthew Stafford is officially on the hot seat after signing his new contract

I love when a quarterback gets a new deal because they are officially, speaking of hot seat cool throne, they are officially on the hot seat because now it's joke season on Matthew Stafford. We saw it with Joe Flacco. We saw it with Jay Cutler. Matt Stafford has probably a year... and every interception he throws comes a tweet, wow, $86 million for this?

Matthew Stafford will lead the Lions to at least one NFC Championship game in the next four years

Matt Stafford over under NFC Championship appearances in the next four years on his contract, 0.5? Over. Really? Yeah, over. Wow. So then that would be a success in my mind. Well, that depends on what your definition of success is. I think if the Lions went to an NFC Championship game with Matthew Stafford, that contract was a success.

Incest should be legal if the people involved are attractive enough

There should be a rule against making incest illegal if you're hot enough... every time that you see purebred dog, guess what? That dog's got a shitload of incest in its lineage. If you're above like a nine... you should be allowed to commit incest because those are good genes you got going on.

Malcolm Gladwell would probably beat LeBron James in a long-distance foot race

LeBron got challenged by Malcolm Gladwell to a foot race... These fucking nerds, all they do is they go and find the biggest alpha on the block... they're like, hey, I'll challenge you to this sport that's not a sport and we'll make it really long distance so you get super tired. And I honestly can see Malcolm Gladwell winning. Nerds are always faster because they have to run from their bullies from a young age.

Sam Darnold will be the best quarterback USC has ever had

He'll be the best quarterback we've ever had there [USC]. I'm serious... I think he's going to be the best college and NFL quarterback USC's ever had.

Josh Rosen is built for the NFL and will save Jim Mora's job

I love [Josh Rosen] because not only does he think he is good, but he thinks it and he knows it. I think he's kind of set up for the NFL. He's got to play well to save some jobs like Jim Mora's job.

Mason Rudolph will be a first-round NFL draft pick

I think right now of the sneaky quarterbacks who are going to be into the first round by the time the season ends, I think Mason Rudolph is going to be a guy that we look at and say, ah, okay, with the 16th pick of the draft, somebody takes Mason Rudolph. I think he's a Sunday guy for sure.

NFL teams must start rookie quarterbacks early to find out if they have the 'balls of a burglar'

Don't I want to find out early if my guy's got the balls of a burglar? Because if he can't handle getting hit around and throwing picks... then I don't want him three years from now because that's a character flaw. I want a quarterback that when the dog pees on your leg, your girlfriend likes the other quarterback... and the crowd's booing you... can you pull yourself out of that and win?

Dwayne Wade and LeBron James are definitely planning a team-up because they are 'going' to dinner

I would say that going to dinner is more intimate than meeting for dinner. Because going to dinner implies that you're going there... Every time you go to dinner, you have to meet somebody for dinner. But every time you meet for dinner, you're not necessarily going to dinner together. I think the act of going is way, way more intimate than just meeting... Not just friends. You don't just go to dinner.

Jay Cutler will get injured within two months of starting for the Dolphins

I guess we're going to have to wait at least another two months until Jay gets hurt... So two months and he's going to get hurt.