PMT DB
PMT DB
Andrew Siciliano and Scott Hanson on Red Zone Preparation, Ears, and Pee Breaks
Football is officially back, and we started the season with a bloodbath in Foxborough. The Patriots raised their fifth banner and promptly got shredded by Alex Smith and a rookie named Kareem Hunt. While the rest of the world is panic-buying Chiefs jerseys, PFT Commenter is busy celebrating the demise of a dynasty, even if he knows the reality of the AFC East.
PFT CommenterThe New England Patriots are dead (but they're still going to win the division)
The New England Patriots are dead. Actually, they're still going to win the division, but it's times like this I thank my lucky stars I'm not a New England Patriots fan.
Big Cat has a theory that the secret to the Chiefs' success wasn't just Kareem Hunt, but rather the physical transformation of Andy Reid. It turns out that shedding the weight might have actually unclogged the play-calling section of his brain.
Big CatThin Andy Reid might be better than Bill Belichick
Thin Andy Reid—maybe all the fat was the dumb stuff that made him call timeouts at inopportune times. Thin Andy Reid might be better than Bill Belichick. Two and one. The Chiefs are two and one under Andy Reid against the Patriots.
One of the most shocking developments of the night was Alex Smith actually looking like a quarterback capable of throwing the ball further than five yards. PFT thinks he knows exactly why Smith suddenly found his deep ball, and it involves the young pup, Patrick Mahomes.
PFT CommenterPatrick Mahomes' presence has taught Alex Smith how to throw the long ball
Alex Smith, out of nowhere, showed that he can throw that long ball tonight. Pat Mahomes is like when you have an old male dog that has always pissed putting its hips down at the ground... and when you bring a new pup in that lifts its leg on something, your old dog's like, holy shit, that looks cool. Mahomes is a young pup that's taught Alex Smith to lift his leg.
Despite the big night, no one is ready to crown Alex Smith the long-term savior. PFT and Hank see a very specific future for him that involves a lot of clipboards and different colored jerseys.
PFT CommenterAlex Smith will have another 12 years in the NFL as a career backup and will usurp Josh McCown
That guy [Alex Smith] is going to have another, like, 12 years as a backup. That guy is going to be the—he's going to be a backup on, like, four more teams after he gets demoted from the team. He's going to usurp Josh McCown for career backup guy.
As for the Patriots, Hank isn't sweating the loss. He’s already looking past the "forest fire" of a Week 1 defeat and seeing a very familiar double-digit win total on the horizon.
HankThe Patriots will finish 12-4 or 11-5 and win the AFC East
I'm going to be honest. I'm going to go out on a limb. I'm going to say the Pats will be 12-4 or 11-5 and win the division.
The Red Zone Double-Header
We were joined by the two men who make our Sundays possible: Andrew Siciliano and Scott Hanson. Andrew Siciliano joined us first to talk about how he manages the chaos of the DirecTV Red Zone channel. He addressed the "lollipop guild" height rumors and his ears (which he insisted on talking about). He also threw some serious shade at his counterpart over at NFL Network.
Andrew SicilianoThe DirecTV Red Zone channel is the original and Scott Hanson is a copycat
We came first, so this one should go first. Dibs. Shotgun. Scott's a copycat. We invented the thing. Well, I mean, this is our 13th season. You know? We're the original.
Then we talked to Scott Hanson, who actually has to stand for seven hours straight in a green room the size of a walk-in closet. We finally got an answer on the bathroom situation (he goes 120 seconds before air) and the legendary countdown clock. Hanson lives for the chaos of the late afternoon window, which he has high hopes for this season.
Scott HansonThe 3 to 4 p.m. hour is the greatest single hour in sports television
I call it the greatest single hour in sports television. It's the witching hour... I promise I will refer to it either as the witching hour or the golden hour at some point this season. Just for you guys.
Big Cat pointed out that watching Red Zone can be the most stressful experience for a gambler because of how the league is structured to maximize drama.
Big CatThe NFL is like Mario Kart because every game somehow comes down to the end
The NFL is like Mario Kart. Every game somehow comes down to the end. It's crazy.
Segments and Alpha Moves
In the debut of the "Depressing Jags Stat of the Week," we learned that the Jaguars have been road underdogs for 45 consecutive games, which is roughly 100 in cat years. We also had a legendary King Stay Kings for Andy Reid. Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie revealed that at their first dinner, Big Andy ordered three steaks.
Big CatAndy Reid ordering three steaks at once is a total alpha move
Jeffrey Lurie said the first time he went out to dinner with Andy Reid, Andy Reid ordered three steaks at once. Such an alpha move. King's Stay Kings. That is an alpha move. Three steaks, one for every quarter that Andy coaches.
We wrapped things up with Jimbos of the Week, ranging from a guy who can't watch Game of Thrones because of a breakup to an office worker who failed a training test because he was busy listening to PMT. PFT noted that failing upward is the true spirit of the American workforce.
PFT CommenterAmerican office life is just a competition to see who can sit at their desk for the longest
Basically, office life in America is just people competing to see who can just sit at their desk for the longest.
Next time you're at a steakhouse, order three and tell them Big Andy sent you.
