Takes

Throwing a no-hitter on LSD is the most impressive athletic feat of all time

He should try doing it on LSD like Doc Ellis did. If you want to talk about the most impressive athletic feats of all time, I'd say throwing a no-hitter on LSD is probably number one and number two.

Darren Rovell is suspended from Pardon My Take for six months

Darren Rovell, you cannot invite yourself like this on Pardon My Take. We are now hereby suspending you from appearing on this podcast for how long? I say six months, at least.

Coach K is using bizarre 'freshman roommate' pitches to recruit Zion Williamson

Coach K. He also said, this is a weird move by Coach K. He's telling Zion Williamson, at a school like Duke, it's tough to get in. So he said, you never know who you could be living with. You might be on the hall with a person who will be the president one day or a brain surgeon... Why not just be like, hey, Zion, come to Duke and then you'll go to the draft and be a millionaire.

Jim Harbaugh's enthusiasm for his own colonoscopy makes him a 'basic bitch'

Jim Harbaugh, who yesterday tweeted, 'attacking this day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind before my 1:30 p.m. colonoscopy.' I also like it because he's kind of a basic bitch. He has like a black and white picture of him smiling in the middle of a street in Ann Arbor. Like, 'hey, I'm about to go get my butthole fingered.'

Russell Wilson acts like a seventh grader who is in love for the first time

This is the behavior of a seventh grader who's in love for the first time... I just don't understand why you have to tell the world constantly that you love your wife.

Richie Incognito is the kind of guy you want on your side when the chips are down

He is that dude that you want on your side when the chips are down. Yeah. He's that dude. He really is.

Theo Epstein needs to chill out after admitting to following people home to watch them

Theo Epstein... said on a few nights when things felt bleak, Theo would wander the internet, linger on macabre things like air traffic controller recordings... I used to follow people home... I could put on a hat and follow them. Just chill out, man.

Mike Greenberg's belief that ties are more satisfying than overtime is the worst opinion ever

Mike Greenberg's dumb rules... I dislike overtime and college football so much that I genuinely believe ending in a tie is not only more just, it is more satisfying too. That has to be the worst opinion of all time.