Takes

LeBron James is actually 0-10 in NBA Finals appearances if you apply the proper asterisks

LA Fraud is actually 0 and 10 in the finals in my eyes. 2007, lost swept. 2011 lost. 2012, baby thunder doesn't count. 2013, Ray Allen also rigged. 2013, Ray Allen doesn't count. 2014 lost. 2015 lost. 2016, injured warriors doesn't count. 2017 lost. 2018, lost swept. 2020 Mickey Mouse doesn't count.

Paul Rabil retiring was the best thing to happen to professional lacrosse

Is it a coincidence that the PLL had their best year ever after Paul Rabil retired? Was Paul Rabil bad for professional lacrosse? Some are saying.

The 'Finger of the Year' award should be permanently named after Urban Meyer

The winner of finger of the year... it's Urban Meyer's finger at the bar. Of course it is. I knuckle deep in a butthole... I feel like this one's gonna stick around. And it might be named after Urban Meyer going forward. I think that's how impressive his performance was this year.

The LIV Tour paid Cameron Smith too much money

I think that they paid [Cameron Smith] too much. Yeah.

The LIV Tour paid Cameron Smith too little money

I think they paid [Cameron Smith] too little.

Anna Lynn McCord's open letter to Vladimir Putin is the ultimate form of narcissism

It's not only the ratio of the year, but it's might be narcissism of the year to be like, 'if I was your mother, I would've stopped all war.' It's also fucked up like towards Putin's actual mom. How do you know she wasn't a nice lady?

Brian Colangelo would have kept his job if he had simply leaned into the 'big collar' narrative

If [Brian Colangelo] had just leaned into the collar narrative a little more, I think he would have gotten away with it. Been like, hey, like worn just like a Pee Wee Herman sized collar at his press conference where he gets fired.

The 2018 Washington Capitals were a dynasty and perhaps the best hockey team ever assembled

The Washington Capitals. So the Caps year wins year of the year. Truly a magical run. A dynasty. Maybe the best hockey team of all time ever assembled. Great coaching, great executing, great fans.

Telling a woman you are a 'virgin by choice' is a top-tier dating strategy for men over 30

At some point in life, doesn't that become almost like a really good line to use, though? I think after you turn 30 and you say, like, 'I'm a virgin by choice.' I feel like there's an element that, like, the girl is like, 'I want to be the one. I want to be the one that, like, makes him switch over.'

The Warriors are actually a better team without Kevin Durant

We had everyone who said that the Warriors were better without Durant for that month that Durant was out. That was me. Hand up on that one.

Mike Zimmer's football team is more important to him than his own eyesight

Mike Zimmer had a huge year for football guys, getting his eye destroyed by a play sheet. And he came in hot, hot at the end because today, just today, he said that his football team is more important than his vision. He got like six surgeries on his cornea or whatever, and he was still watching film for 12 hours a day.

Coach Ed Orgeron once held a live worm in his mouth for an entire speech to fire up his team

Today, a story came out that Coach O had a live worm in his mouth for an entire speech to his team. He said it was just to fire up the team... He said, I do whatever it takes to feed my family. Whatever it takes to win, I'll do the same thing. He then, after that line, pulled out a wiggling worm from his mouth that he had had in his mouth the entire speech.

Darren Rovell being 39 proves that if you're a narc in life, everyone assumes you're 15 years older than you actually are

The story was Darren Rovell is actually 39. He's Benjamin Button. Which is fucking crazy. It just proves that if you're a narc in life, everyone will just assume you're 15 years older than you are.

Wikipedia should win every Pulitzer Prize because it contains every book

And the award goes to Wikipedia. How about that? The book edition. Wikipedia is basically every book. So how does Wikipedia not win every single Pulitzer Prize? I don't get it.

We have the 'scoop of the year' for both breaking the Adam Morrison bunker story and then proving it was false

Adam Morrison is like an apocalypse-like guy who has – does he have like gold and cash and he's got a bunker? ... [Big Cat:] And that was the scoop of the year, but we have an extra scoop of the year. [PFT:] Right. He actually doesn't have an apocalypse bunker. So we double scooped. It doesn't matter that the first one wasn't true. We double scooped.

Death is the 'dirtiest player of the year' and an old school goon you want on your team

Dirtiest player of the year. That one we're going to give to death. And it's not really that close of a race either. I mean, death is the kind of player that you hate to see on the other side, but you really like it when a guy like that's on your team. You want death to put on the same uniform that you have on. Death, you know, he's just an old school goon.