PMT DB
PMT DB
The First Annual Takie Awards with Chris Long, Blake Bortles, and Danny Woodhead
It is officially the deadest part of the sports calendar, which means there is no better time to hand out some hardware. Big Cat and PFT Commenter kicked off the first annual Takie Awards, and while the ESPYs might have the red carpet, the Takies have the grit. The show opened with a heavy focus on the culinary excellence of Guy Fieri’s restaurant, which apparently served as the unofficial headquarters for the award deliberations.
PFT CommenterGuy Fieri's food is the best food I've ever had
I'm a big Guy Fieri guy, so I feel like I can say this. The food was phenomenal. Best food I've ever had.
Big Cat is already looking toward the future of this prestigious ceremony, even if it means some gastrointestinal risks for the staff.
Big CatI guarantee the Takie Awards will be a live show next year
Next year, it's going to be a live show. I'm actually guaranteeing that right now. I want to do it at Guy Fieri's restaurant, like in the back room.
The Major Awards
Stephen A. Smith took home the inaugural NBA Take of the Year for his legendary "you do not want to make an enemy out of me" threat to Kevin Durant. PFT Commenter fully endorsed the idea of media members and athletes settling their differences with their fists rather than just Twitter fingers.
PFT CommenterMedia members and sports figures should physically fight to settle disputes
I think the media and sports figures should actually physically fight. That feels like something that would happen in maybe Argentina where a ref screws up and they're like, 'oh, we're going to kill you.' I'd like to see more accountability.
In the hockey world, Mike Milbury secured a Takie for his take on why players should only slash opponents if they plan on actually cracking a bone. It sparked a broader conversation about how modern safety equipment might actually be making athletes softer through the lens of evolution.
PFT CommenterHockey helmets have increased concussions because they evolved the human skull to be thinner
I actually think that helmets have done more to increase concussions in hockey than they've done to help because it's like evolution. It kicks in a little bit and your brain, your skull doesn't have to be as thick anymore. Like the way that we coddle these athletes, it's actually hurting them in the long term.
Mount Rushmore of Sports Debates
Since it's July, the guys sat down for a Mount Rushmore of the debates that keep sports talk radio alive. We're talking Joe Flacco’s eliteness, Pete Rose's ban, and the classic "could a college team beat a pro team" hypothetical. Big Cat took it a step further, questioning if the dominant UConn women's program could handle a WNBA roster.
Big CatUConn women's basketball could beat a WNBA team
Could UConn women's basketball beat a WNBA team? Probably. I'm actually serious. I think they could.
Things got heated when the conversation shifted to the NBA's "banana boat" era versus the 80s. PFT Commenter remains convinced that the lack of friendship in the 80s made for a better product, mostly because Larry Bird and Magic Johnson weren't sharing inflatable rafts.
PFT CommenterThe NBA players in the 80s were more authentic because they weren't friends and didn't go on 'banana boats' together
I always like when people compare the NBA today to the 80s when guys weren't friends. They were not friends. People forget that Magic and LeBron, they didn't go on—I mean, Magic and Larry Bird, they didn't go on banana boats together. It was a different era.
Hank also threw a massive curveball during the segment, claiming that Bill Russell wouldn't just hold his own against LeBron James, but would likely dominate him.
HankBill Russell is better than LeBron James
Hank you actually had speaking of hot takes hank didn't you say bill russell was better than lebron? yeah that's right... I'm not ruling [Russell beating LeBron one-on-one] out by any means.
To wrap up the debate segment, Hank looked into his crystal ball to predict the future of American athletics. While soccer fans are waiting for their moment, Hank is betting on the guys with the sticks.
HankLacrosse will be the fourth major sport in America in 30 years
Should lacrosse take over soccer as the fourth major sport? I think it's got to be us. I think we've got to take it upon ourselves... 30 years.
The Scoop of the Year and Special Honors
The Takies also recognized the investigative journalism that defines Pardon My Take. The award for Scoop of the Year went to the saga of Adam Morrison’s apocalypse bunker. In a true display of journalistic integrity, the guys won for both breaking the story and then immediately debunking it.
PFT CommenterWe have the 'scoop of the year' for both breaking the Adam Morrison bunker story and then proving it was false
Adam Morrison is like an apocalypse-like guy who has – does he have like gold and cash and he's got a bunker? ... [Big Cat:] And that was the scoop of the year, but we have an extra scoop of the year. [PFT:] Right. He actually doesn't have an apocalypse bunker. So we double scooped. It doesn't matter that the first one wasn't true. We double scooped.
In a more somber note, the Dirty Player of the Year was awarded to Death. It's a tough break for the other nominees, but as PFT Commenter noted, Death is the ultimate old-school goon you just have to respect.
PFT CommenterDeath is the 'dirtiest player of the year' and an old school goon you want on your team
Dirtiest player of the year. That one we're going to give to death. And it's not really that close of a race either. I mean, death is the kind of player that you hate to see on the other side, but you really like it when a guy like that's on your team. You want death to put on the same uniform that you have on. Death, you know, he's just an old school goon.
Before the night was over, the guys handed out the Inventor of the Year award to Hank. Forget the iPhone; the world has been waiting for a way to recover loose change from the dark abyss of a Toyota Camry.
L. Ron MexicoLady Luck Smiled Down On The Viet Cong When Marlins Man Missed Vietnam
I was one year late for Vietnam. Lady Luck smiled down on the Viet Cong.
The show concluded with the ultimate Take of the Year, going back to Stephen A. Smith for his claim that he could have successfully prosecuted the O.J. Simpson trial. Big Cat agreed, noting that Stephen A.’s ability to exhaust anyone in an argument would have led to a swift guilty verdict just to make him stop talking.
L. Ron MexicoZack Hample Belongs In A Garbage Can
First name Marlins, last name Man, I'll stuff Zack Hample in a garbage can.
If you aren't already wearing your officially licensed Takies oven mitts, you're doing July wrong.
