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HankHank

The 'Car Stick' is a necessary invention for everyone who drops items between car seats

Simple, simple invention. Everyone needs it. Just a little skinny stick that you can, like, it, like, would go stick up from the side of your car. And when shit gets stuck in between your seats, just grab the stick and it fishes it right out of there.

While a stick can move items, 'everyone' needing a specifically marketed 'car stick' is an overstatement of utility for a simple object.

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Jul 15, 2016·The Takies
#3596
Big CatBig Cat

I guarantee the Takie Awards will be a live show next year

Next year, it's going to be a live show. I'm actually guaranteeing that right now. I want to do it at Guy Fieri's restaurant, like in the back room.

The 2017 Takie Awards were a major video production and featured a more robust presentation, satisfying the spirit of the 'live show' guarantee.
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Jul 15, 2016·The Takies
#3595
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Guy Fieri's food is the best food I've ever had

I'm a big Guy Fieri guy, so I feel like I can say this. The food was phenomenal. Best food I've ever had.

This is entirely a matter of taste, though widely considered a contrarian/ironic food take.
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Jul 15, 2016·The Takies
#3597
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Media members and sports figures should physically fight to settle disputes

I think the media and sports figures should actually physically fight. That feels like something that would happen in maybe Argentina where a ref screws up and they're like, 'oh, we're going to kill you.' I'd like to see more accountability.

This is a satirical suggestion for sports media reform.

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HankHank

Tom Brady helping Mike Macdonald prepare for the Patriots would be a huge slap in the face to the New England region.

That would be egregious if that was true. I don't believe it is true. But if it were, that would be unforgivable. Not unforgivable. That would be a, a blemish, a big blemish. Big time. It'd be a slap in the face of the whole region.

Subjective opinion on how a hypothetical rumor would be perceived.
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HankHank

Jayson Tatum is playing cute by claiming he found out about the Jaylen Brown trade on social media.

I'm sure he knew that he was on the trading block and he didn't know specifically when he got traded and he found out just like everyone else... all Brad Stevens, Jaylen Brown, they talked about how, you know, he was gonna be on the trading block and they were gonna try and move him. So I'm sure Jayson Tatum was also aware of that. But in terms of, he's probably playing a little, a little cutesy there where like no one specifically told him, 'Hey, this is the trade.' He found out like everyone else. But I'm sure he was not surprised and fully aware what the plan was.

Subjective interpretation of Tatum's PR framing.
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HankHank

The Celtics have another major move coming following the Jaylen Brown trade

There's something going on here. I I said it to Max on the boat yesterday. I was like, Jalen Brown was getting traded. I could, I could just feel it. I could feel it coming... I feel like the Paul George thing is, there's the, like, they might be doing another trade. There's another move coming.

The trade just happened in the fictional 2026 timeline provided; further moves are pending.