PMT DB
PMT DB
The 2022 Takie Awards: Blake Griffin Reclaims the Throne
The most prestigious night in sports media has returned for its seventh iteration. While the Sports Emmys continue to snub the show, Big Cat and PFT aren't losing sleep over it. In fact, they’re actively avoiding the mainstream accolades unless the academy wants to recognize true cinematic greatness.
Big CatWe are actively trying to never be nominated for a Sports Emmy unless it is for the John Cena interview
We are actively trying to never be nominated for everything... if they wanna nominate us and only do it on our John Cena interview, we're in.
The Year of the Sicko
This year's awards featured a heavy dose of Urban Meyer and Darren Rovell. Rovell took home Worst Collector of the Year for his baffling fascination with Martin Luther King Jr. memorabilia, specifically legal documents from a jail cell. Big Cat used the win to point out that the entire concept of the hobby has been rendered obsolete by modern technology.
Big CatCollecting signatures is objectively weird and has been replaced by the selfie
I don't think that as a society, we talk enough about the fact that collecting signatures is just fucking weird. Yeah. It is. Especially if you have a picture and you're like, 'Hey, can you write your name on the, on this picture that I have of you?'... I do think that the selfies have taken the place of it, which is a hundred percent, way more meaningful.
Urban Meyer was the night's biggest winner, or loser, depending on your perspective. Between the 'Finger of the Year' award and his beef with accountability, Meyer’s Jacksonville tenure provided a gold mine of content. Big Cat even suggested that the 'Finger' award should be a permanent tribute to Meyer’s legendary night at a Columbus steakhouse.
Big CatThe 'Finger of the Year' award should be permanently named after Urban Meyer
The winner of finger of the year... it's Urban Meyer's finger at the bar. Of course it is. I knuckle deep in a butthole... I feel like this one's gonna stick around. And it might be named after Urban Meyer going forward. I think that's how impressive his performance was this year.
LeBron's Narrative Energy
LeBron James had a monster night at the Takies, securing Worst Take of the Year for his infamous 'keep that same energy' tweet followed by the Lakers missing the postseason entirely. The guys also spent some time debunking LeBron’s entire legacy through the lens of a Twitter reply guy, proving that if you look hard enough, the King has never actually won a real ring.
Big CatLeBron James is actually 0-10 in NBA Finals appearances if you apply the proper asterisks
LA Fraud is actually 0 and 10 in the finals in my eyes. 2007, lost swept. 2011 lost. 2012, baby thunder doesn't count. 2013, Ray Allen also rigged. 2013, Ray Allen doesn't count. 2014 lost. 2015 lost. 2016, injured warriors doesn't count. 2017 lost. 2018, lost swept. 2020 Mickey Mouse doesn't count.
Ben Simmons also made an appearance in the Worst Take category for his prediction that the Brooklyn Nets would be 'scary.' While the world thought he was talking about their talent, Big Cat interpreted the comment as a cry for help from a man who was simply terrified of the hardwood.
Big CatBen Simmons' claim that playing with Kyrie Irving and Kevin Durant would be 'scary' meant he was literally scared to play
[Ben Simmons] said, quote, 'It's going to be scary.' So I actually think he was correct about this. He was talking about, he was just expressing his emotions. He was like, 'I'm scared to play. I'm scared to play basketball.'
The Blake of the Year Dynasty
With Brooks Koepka suspended for his defection to the LIV Tour, the race for the heavy crown came down to the two original titans: Blake Griffin and Blake Bortles. The competition was fierce, involving trivia about Matthew Broderick’s driving record and the external ear anatomy of sea lions.
After a nail-biting coin flip that proved 'Tails Never Fails,' Blake Griffin reclaimed his title as Blake of the Year. However, the victory comes with a heavy burden. Griffin openly wondered if the honor carries a dark cloud that follows professional athletes into their next season.
Blake GriffinWinning 'Blake of the Year' carries a performance curse for professional athletes
Everything sort of went downhill after last year's Blake of the Year. I had a rough year fellas, and I think it started with those ping pong balls. Now I can't even look at a ping pong ball without thinking of the devastating loss... This kind of begs the question: is there a Blake of the Year curse?
Big Cat was quick to defend the legitimacy of the title, swatting away any 'Mickey Mouse' allegations before they could even start on Twitter.
Big CatThe 2022 'Blake of the Year' is a legitimate title despite the suspension of Brooks Koepka
I'm gonna get ahead of this... the people out there, 'cause I'm sure there'll be a few, say this is a Mickey Mouse Blake of the Year because you're only competing against Blake Bortles and this were not Blake Koepka. I remind you that I believe for the first two Blake of the Years, these are the original Blakes. So don't bring that Mickey Mouse shit to this.
Calling the Shots for 2023
Before letting the Blakes go, the crew looked ahead with their Preemptive Takes. PFT stayed true to his brand by calling for the end of the Belichick era in New England, suggesting that if Mac Jones doesn't take the leap, the hoodie might be trading the sidelines for a lacrosse field.
PFT CommenterIt is time for Bill Belichick to retire because the game has passed him by
It's time for Bill Belichick to retire. Has the game passed him by?... If Mac Jones is not the answer this year... I think we're gonna have the conversation: 'Bill, is it time to go coach lacrosse?'
Big Cat, meanwhile, is looking forward to the most awkward sit-down interview in sports history, involving the NFL’s most notorious quarterback and a man who loves fundamental discipline and elite quarterback play.
Big CatDan Orlovsky will do a one-on-one sit-down interview with Deshaun Watson to teach him how to 'not be horny'
I think that we are going to get a, one-on-one sit down interview with Dan Orlovsky and Deshaun Watson. And he is going to set him straight on how to not be horny... Dan Orlovsky, according to his rules, it would be like, 'Deshaun, don't ever go to a room by yourself. Don't ever be in the same room as a woman.'
In the end, the most important award went to the AWLs, who narrowly defeated Aaron Rogers’ podcast listening habits in a coin flip to secure their seventh consecutive title.
Seven years later and the dynasty is still thriving.
