PMT DB
PMT DB
The Sunday slate delivered everything Pardon My Take could ask for: two young quarterbacks getting hurt, the Browns beating somebody, the Chargers finding a new basement, and a Chiefs game that somehow turned into live podcast theater. Big Cat and PFT spent the day watching football, lacrosse, and their respective seasons dissolve in real time. The Philadelphia Water Dogs winning the PLL title twice because nobody was paying attention was just the opening act.
Caleb Williams, hamstrings, and cave trauma
The Vikings-Bears game was an all-time ugly football experience: nine to three, rain everywhere, Brian Flores blitzing like a man who had just discovered blitzing, and the Bears committing enough penalties to make Soldier Field feel cursed. Then Caleb Williams went down without contact, and for a few minutes everyone assumed the worst.
Big Cat eventually got the diagnosis downgraded in his head from “season-ending catastrophe” to “just a hamstring,” which is apparently a good-news injury now. He still thinks Chicago can survive it if Tyson Bagent keeps the boat above water.
Big CatCaleb Williams should miss four to six weeks
I'm expecting right now for him to miss four to six weeks. If he misses more than four to six weeks, I'm gonna be like, well, that's the season. Four to six weeks I've put in my head. I've done the calculations. I think the Bears could still make the playoffs if he misses four to six weeks, and Tyson Bagent treads water.
The Bears conversation was less “the season is over” and more “that was one of the worst games Ben Johnson has coached.” Big Cat still believes in the team, but he also wanted the entire operation to acknowledge that it was bad: penalties, blocking, dropped passes, the DeAndre Swift goal-line fumble, all of it. PFT, meanwhile, contributed his own elite-athlete hamstring rehabilitation protocol, which involved Googling stretches three times and then attempting a field goal four weeks later.
Tyler Shough stocks are getting dangerous
The Saints blew a ten-point lead, remembered that they were supposed to be the Saints, and then Tyler Shough took over the fourth quarter against Baltimore. Chris Olave looked like a superstar, Chase Young looked legitimately back, and Kellen Moore handed out six game balls because apparently five would have been emotionally insufficient.
PFT went from enjoying a fun Saints story to smelling a contender. Big Cat pumped the brakes and said beating the Raiders next week is the “for real” test, which is exactly how a team becomes a Pinky Team two months later.
PFT CommenterThe Saints might be for real
I think the Saints might be for real. I think they're a very well-coached team.
The Bengals, on the other hand, needed no such caution. Cincinnati held Houston without a touchdown, pressured C.J. Stroud constantly, and allowed Joe Burrow to be “incredibly average” while still winning comfortably. Big Cat is officially buying the stock, mostly because the Bengals finally appear to have the thing they have been missing for years: a defense that can win a game for them.
Big CatThe Bengals have finally fixed their defense
I'm buying the Bengals stock. Good team. That is showing that they're different than the Bengals of last year and what we saw last year. They have a good defense. It feels like they've got it figured out.
The Jets were too wet
Memes described the Jets' loss to Green Bay as disappointing rather than maddening, then immediately admitted that disappointment is worse because it means he expected to win. New York had a ten-point lead, a fumble at the Packers' 14-yard line, a fourth-and-one shotgun run, and a coach who won the overtime toss and chose to receive despite the new rules.
The entire room agreed that Aaron Glenn either did not know the overtime rules or was covering for someone who did not. The Jets were so wet that Big Cat got to say “too wet” approximately 400 times, which was the closest thing New York had to a successful offensive series.
MemesThe Jets should be 2-0
They should have won that game. I should be sitting here two and oh on a high horse. But instead we're just one and one, 'cause we're still the Jets.
Drake Maye gets a real win
Hank was in a much better mood after New England dismantled Pittsburgh, though the game itself was mostly a public-service announcement about the Steelers offense. Aaron Rodgers looked old, DK Metcalf looked lost, and the Steelers have now gone an absurd stretch without scoring more than seven points in the first quarter.
Hank found the silver lining: Drake Maye finally beat a team that made the playoffs last season and delivered the big third-and-six conversion that had become a recurring PMT accounting category. The Patriots did lose a key offensive lineman, but Hank is willing to file this one under progress.
HankDrake Maye finally beat a playoff team
The knock on Drake Maye last year was he didn't beat playoff teams. They beat a playoff team today. Didn't convert on third and six. Had a huge third and six conversion today. So that's how I'm taking away: he can do both those things.
The Falcons, meanwhile, did not merely lose to Carolina. They failed to run a single red-zone play in their first two games, benched Cooper Rush after two turnovers on his first five snaps, and made Atlanta fans boo their own offense before halftime. Big Cat ranked Miami last and Atlanta second-last, a sentence that probably made both fanbases briefly consider taking up lacrosse.
Big CatThe Falcons are the second-worst team in the NFL
I'm not gonna say they're the worst team in the NFL because the Miami Dolphins are, but they're the second worst.
The Chargers are officially Pinky material
Shane arrived in a Chargers poncho and was asked to participate in the blame pie after Los Angeles lost to the Raiders 26-14. The Chargers snapped the ball into a receiver in motion, rotated guards every other drive, gave up broken plays to Kirk Cousins, and ended the game with a safety caused by a holding penalty in the end zone. It was almost too perfect.
The schedule gets brutal from here, which allowed Big Cat to make the safest Pinky Team selection of his career. Shane tried to keep the season alive, but even his best-case scenario involved a mathematically confusing three-and-four record.
Big CatThe Chargers are his safest Pinky Team pick
The Los Angeles Chargers will be my Pinky Team. They're so bad they're not gonna win the Super Bowl. It's the only time I've ever felt fully, fully safe.
The Raiders are 2-0, Kirk Cousins can throw deep again, and Maxx Crosby remains a nightmare. The Chargers may not win another game, but at least their fans can enjoy being part of the most entertaining collapse in football.
Jayden Daniels and the Washington sports curse
The Commanders were playing a real game against Dallas until Jayden Daniels got stepped on, braced himself with his elbow, and suffered another dislocation. PFT went from thinking Washington might be fun to mentally checking out of the season in about six seconds.
The argument was not that Dan Quinn made a bad decision by going for it before halftime. Football players can get hurt on any play, and calling a touchdown attempt cowardly because of hindsight is loser behavior. The concern was that Daniels has now had the same elbow issue repeatedly, and PFT wants the team to stop treating it like a freak accident.
PFT CommenterJayden Daniels needs elbow surgery
I'm thinking get the surgery, get back a hundred percent. You can't call it a freak injury anymore. A freak injury doesn't happen three times in the span of like seven months.
Then came the darker conclusion: maybe Daniels' body simply is not built for the violence of the NFL. That is not the kind of sentence that gets said casually, and PFT said it with the exhausted sincerity of a man watching a promising season evaporate.
PFT CommenterJayden Daniels' body may not be made for tackle football
I'm just worried that the guy's body isn't made for tackle football.
Dallas looked excellent, which inspired PFT to threaten the Cowboys with a curse. The Cowboys had used an old Jayden injury photo to promote the game, so PFT is now researching the most effective available curse specialist. Big Cat suggested the perfect punishment: Jerry Jones lives a long, healthy life while Dallas never gets back to the Super Bowl.
PFT CommenterThe Commanders will never be good
The Commanders will never be good. And it's wizard season. We're onto the Wizards.
Chiefs back, Browns alive, and everybody gets a toilet
Kansas City survived Indianapolis in overtime, and the whole game became a debate about whether the Colts should have either scored a touchdown or drained the clock instead of doing the worst possible version of both. Patrick Mahomes threw for 382 yards, Travis Kelce looked young again, and Big Cat immediately projected the Chiefs to start 5-0.
The Chiefs is the Chiefs.
The Browns beating Tampa Bay also forced everyone to revisit last week's “who wins a game first?” discussion, where the answer was emphatically not Cleveland. Zac is still refusing to quit the Buccaneers because the NFC South remains wide open, while Big Cat is already asking why Todd Bowles was brought back.
Big Cat and PFT then promised $50,000 and two toilets if Cleveland beats Carolina by at least 23 points. This is either a promotion or the beginning of the most dangerous Browns gambling cave in recorded history.
Who's Back, briefly
Hank's selection was NASCAR fights, specifically Ryan Blaney and Carson Hocevar throwing soft punches in the infield after a wreck. The fight had the energy of two bicyclists attempting spinning back fists, but one punch still looked good enough to clear an NBA bench.
The Water Dogs are back, the PLL title is back, and PFT is back in full-time troll mode after losing Jayden Daniels. Big Cat's baseball pick also went through its usual emotional cycle: the Cubs are not going to the World Series, wait, chip in a chair, the Cubs could go to the World Series.
The show closed with Alonzo Menifield fighting through a compound thumb fracture, Gable Steveson getting knocked out, and the annual numbers-and-birthdays portion. A bad football Sunday ended with a broken thumb, a cursed Cowboys season, and two toilets hanging in the balance. In other words, a perfectly normal Monday on PMT.
