Rob Schneider

Every generation of SNL fans thinks the current cast sucks compared to the original stars

I also remember think everybody saying we suck, right guys? You're not as good as the First cast and I was like, I know... but I said, I think we're okay. I think you know for our generation of kids growing up watching us, we're going to be their Chevy Chase and Bill Murray.

You only need 20 minutes of great comedy material to become a star in Los Angeles

Jay Leno said many years ago to me, all you need is 20 minutes to become a star in LA. Everybody says how much time you got, everybody says I got two hours. Who wants to listen to two hours of comedy material? If you have 20 minutes and if you have five minutes that kills every time, you can be a star.

Adam Sandler hires his friends because they have a shorthand for what's funny and won't panic in the trenches

He said I don't have to explain to you what's funny. If I ask you to do something... I know you're dumb enough to do it. There's a trust when you're out there doing comedy... if it's not going good you need somebody who can make quick changes to make it work.

Bloggers are basement-dwelling scam artists who need twelve articles to cover rent

The bloggers and those guys, once you realize the pressure that they're under -- they got to sell like twelve articles to still live in their mother's basement. I just think that they got a scam going.

Deuce Bigalow did not ruin America

I wouldn't say America's fucked because of that. I wouldn't describe it that way.

Deuce Bigalow was the second highest-grossing DVD behind only The Green Mile

It was the second most highest-grossing DVD, only slightly below, like a few hundred thousand dollars below, like Green Mile. So it's like Green Mile, Deuce Bigalow, Mission Impossible. Holy shit. So that was gigantic.

You guys are over 30 and no longer your own audience

You guys are over 30. You're no longer your audience. I want to go with the 14-year-olds.

Maybe everything isn't going to work out -- let go of these unrealistic dreams

Maybe everything isn't gonna work out. That's where you want to be, man. You gotta let go at that point, man. You don't hold onto these unrealistic dreams.

Burt Reynolds in The Longest Yard is the greatest sports movie performance of all time

The original [Longest Yard] when I was a kid, that's the greatest sports movie. Burt Reynolds was the coolest guy and you be on the set with Burt Reynolds was like was unbelievable... that movie to me is just like if you're 11, and you see The Longest Yard, it's the greatest thing you've ever seen in your life.