Major League Baseball is better when the Dodgers are disappointed

The Major League Baseball is better when the Dodgers are good. That's what people always say. I don't really believe that. I like Los Angelinos to be very disappointed in all their sports because they have everything else.

Kelvin Benjamin will lose his conditioning in Buffalo because of the winter and chicken wings

Kelvin Benjamin, who, by the way, did the Bills realize he's already kind of a hefty guy with weight problems and that he's going to be in Buffalo? Yeah, and wings. And a lot of beer... I feel like Kelvin Benjamin is going to get off the plane in Buffalo and be like, oh, I don't have to be in shape in this city.

Deshaun Watson would have failed on the Browns because they ruin all quarterbacks

Deshaun Watson is forever going to be the could-have-been-on-the-Browns guy. But what people don't realize is he would have sucked on the Browns because that's what the Browns do to quarterbacks.

The goal allowed by the US goalie was the most embarrassing possible

What about the goalie? Yeah, I mean he... that was the most embarrassing goal that I've ever seen. Possible.

The USMNT is the 'James Franklin Penn State' of soccer

People were making very mean jokes online that we were James Franklin, Penn State. And it is actually perfectly appropriate because if you look at who we played, we beat the teams we're supposed to beat... and then we absolutely got ass fucked by the team that was better than us in Belgium. We are not who we thought we were.

We just suck at soccer as a country and that's okay

My take is we suck at soccer and that's okay. Like, I don't care that we suck at soccer anymore. I'm going to root for the US team. I'm gonna get excited when we're in a World Cup. I'm gonna get hyped up and it's gonna be fun to watch. And then I'm gonna be reminded that we suck at soccer and that it's just gonna be like, okay, yeah, that's okay.