Winning back-to-back Stanley Cups is basically cheating

I didn't know you could win back-to-back Stanley Cups, so that's kind of cheating in my mind. I hate the Blackhawks. We never knew that those rules existed.

The U.S. government should use being a hockey fan as an interrogation technique for terrorists

The United States government should make one of their new enhanced interrogation techniques for terrorists. Just make the terrorists become a hockey fan. Watch three overtimes. And then have to watch playoff games until their team loses in the Stanley Cup Finals.

The Stanley Cup is the best trophy in all of sports

The Stanley Cup itself is the best trophy in all of sports. I think we can all agree on that.

Ohio State moved senior night because it is scared of Michigan

If you're saying, 'Hey, we can't do it for the Michigan game because it's something that's just totally different and separate unto itself,' do it the last home game before that, which would be Northwestern. But that senior night though should be—you'd basically just be saying, 'I'm scared of doing it against Michigan.'

Michigan is closer to 7-5 than a playoff team

If Bryce Underwood doesn't take a massive step forward, this is closer to a seven-five team than a playoff team.

Wisconsin has to win eight games

He's gotta win eight. I think he would tell you he's gotta win eight. Because if you win seven, that means you probably lost to Penn State, Iowa, USC and UCLA or Minnesota, and it's like some of those are not okay.