I still do not respect the Coronavirus

I still don't respect the virus. It's like a Ravens Steelers thing, like no love lost. I hate it so much. I want to beat the fuck out of it. It doesn't sound serious and I'm encouraging everybody to do everything that they can... but I still don't respect the virus.

Rudy Gobert's microphone-touching prank was just a harmless joke that I would have done myself three days ago.

I'm going to defend [Rudy Gobert] a little bit here. That's exactly something I would have done. That's exactly something I would have done three days ago. Now that I've understood the severity and what's going on, I would not do that anymore. But Rudy Gobert, I'm not going to just pile on this guy for doing something he thought was completely innocent; clearly it was not.

Duke canceled their season before the NCAA to upstage everyone like drama queens.

Duke, the biggest fucking prima donnas drama queens of all time, canceled their own season before the NCAA could trying to upstage everyone and be like, 'Look at me, look at us, we're Duke.' Then the tournament gets cancelled and then everyone gets to make the joke that Duke got eliminated first.

The goal allowed by the US goalie was the most embarrassing possible

What about the goalie? Yeah, I mean he... that was the most embarrassing goal that I've ever seen. Possible.

The USMNT is the 'James Franklin Penn State' of soccer

People were making very mean jokes online that we were James Franklin, Penn State. And it is actually perfectly appropriate because if you look at who we played, we beat the teams we're supposed to beat... and then we absolutely got ass fucked by the team that was better than us in Belgium. We are not who we thought we were.

We just suck at soccer as a country and that's okay

My take is we suck at soccer and that's okay. Like, I don't care that we suck at soccer anymore. I'm going to root for the US team. I'm gonna get excited when we're in a World Cup. I'm gonna get hyped up and it's gonna be fun to watch. And then I'm gonna be reminded that we suck at soccer and that it's just gonna be like, okay, yeah, that's okay.