Masters Sunday is the biggest napping day of the year

Everybody watches the Masters by themselves, maybe with their dad, maybe with a roommate or something like that, but it is the one day a year where you can take part in the biggest sporting event of that sport of the year and just sit there and chill, fall asleep, take a nap. It's the biggest Seebs Day of the year.

The Capitals will beat the Hurricanes in five games

I'm assuming they're [Capitals] going to win. It's Caps-Canes. Sounds like a Burlington Coat Factory, not a playoff series. I'm very confident. I'm thinking, like, Caps in five.

The Celtics won't make it past the second round of the NBA playoffs

The panic button is pressed. If they make it past, like, the second round, I'll be surprised. I mean, it's like you would say [Marcus Smart] is the heart and soul of the team. They are already kind on a rocky road going into it.

The goal allowed by the US goalie was the most embarrassing possible

What about the goalie? Yeah, I mean he... that was the most embarrassing goal that I've ever seen. Possible.

The USMNT is the 'James Franklin Penn State' of soccer

People were making very mean jokes online that we were James Franklin, Penn State. And it is actually perfectly appropriate because if you look at who we played, we beat the teams we're supposed to beat... and then we absolutely got ass fucked by the team that was better than us in Belgium. We are not who we thought we were.

We just suck at soccer as a country and that's okay

My take is we suck at soccer and that's okay. Like, I don't care that we suck at soccer anymore. I'm going to root for the US team. I'm gonna get excited when we're in a World Cup. I'm gonna get hyped up and it's gonna be fun to watch. And then I'm gonna be reminded that we suck at soccer and that it's just gonna be like, okay, yeah, that's okay.