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Void
Jul 31, 2019
#11025
Big CatBig Cat

The Cowboys should not pay Ezekiel Elliott an insane amount of money

I think they should hold firm because as it stands right now, Ezekiel Elliott has one year left on his deal... If you basically pay him so much money that other parts of your team can't be paid and the line can't be paid both defensive and offensive, then you're just hurting yourself in the future.

The Cowboys eventually signed him to a massive 6-year, $90 million extension, which many analysts later viewed as a mistake as the team struggled to manage the cap and the back declined.

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Void
Jul 31, 2019
#11018
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

LeBron James doesn't love his kids because he lets them play basketball instead of football

I would actually say that the worst thing that LeBron James is doing, the proof that he doesn't actually love his kids, is that they're playing basketball and not football. Like LeBron James should have been a football player to begin with. He's always kind of taking the coward's way out.

This is a purely subjective and satirical characterization of parental love.
Push
Jul 31, 2019
#11020
Big CatBig Cat

LeBron James' dunking in layup lines is hurting his son's team by risking technical fouls

We just kind of thought it was a little awkward that he was dunking in a layup line and that technically is a technical foul if we want to go by the letter of the rules so he's hurting his son's team by assessing a technical foul before the game even starts.

While it is technically a rule in many sanctioned leagues that dunking in pre-game warmups can result in a technical, it's rarely enforced at this level against a parent.
Win
Jul 31, 2019
#11023
Big CatBig Cat

The Cowboys don't need a rushing champion like Ezekiel Elliott to win a Super Bowl

Jerry Jones said, you don't have to have a rushing champion to win a Super Bowl. Everyone on the internet dunked on Jerry Jones... but I'm here to defend Jerry Jones. He's right. You do not need a rushing champion to win a Super Bowl in today's NFL.

History supports this; many recent Super Bowl winners have used mid-tier or committee-based backfields.

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Void
Jul 17, 2026·Mt. Rushmore
#30966
Big CatBig Cat

Pigeons are the smartest birds because they live off human trash

Pigeons might be the smartest bird. There is one... they've essentially just over the years been like, Hey, you know where we should live? Right where the people leave their trash. We don't have to hunt for anything. We don't have to go fucking diving for worms and fish... Some guy's going to eat a calzone and not finish it and we're gonna finish it. So pigeons might be the smartest bird.

While funny, avian intelligence is usually measured by tool use (crows) or problem-solving, though urban adaptation is a form of intelligence.
Void
Jul 15, 2026
#30948
Big CatBig Cat

Barry Bonds could still play in the MLB and take a million walks because of fear

I think of that with Barry Bonds for sure. Barry Bonds I like He could just, he, he could show up and just be awesome and, and take like a million walks. 'cause people would fear him.

This is a hypothetical claim about a retired player's current ability, which is fundamentally subjective.
Void
Jul 15, 2026
#30949
Big CatBig Cat

American air conditioning is the equivalent of 'Hunter Biden crack' for European visitors

I would imagine air conditioning for Europeans hits like crack. Like the best crack of all. Oh, hunter Biden crack. Yeah. That's like when we go over to, to Spain and we see a nude beach. Like that's, that, that feeling that we get over there is their feeling when they're walking into one of our buildings over here.

Inherently subjective and hyperbolic comparison.